Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

You need to go round to the boys houses and go properly APESHIT with them. Every single one. Or you wait til they are together next and you go to wherever they are and GO PROPERLY APESHIT.

I once had some "issues" with the boys after a gathering my DD had, they were rude and taking the piss frankly. They treated my home like a bar. I went APESHIT and threw them out, all 6 foot whatever of them. Needless to say they never did it again and my DD took much better care of who she invited.

Go APESHIT, you won't regret it.

Firstly, YABU to go out and leave them. We employed some bouncers when DD had a 16th birthday party. And we were upstairs in case of emergency.

I would still contact the parents but the issue is that 16 year olds get egged on by friends esp if they were drinking. The parents may easily say it’s your fault for lack supervision.

I’d keep quiet if i were you, you left teenagers unattended in your house. Forget the lawn, You’d better home none of them become pregnant! A lot of there parents probably assumed you’d be there!

Just this - but also be mindful if you do contact the boys parents as you will get a different side to the story - all teenagers tell their own version of what happened

Without CCTV or any footage showing individuals causing damage and being asked to stop then it's will be hard to prove who needs to take responsibility

Lawns are very resilient ours was utterly trashed by builders one winter and sprung up fine in the spring

This!

I wouldn't leave around 30 adult strangers in my home (as you say around 9 are close friends) let alone teenagers.
As much as you say they're adults and responsible, clearly some weren't.

Have you seen some behaviours on work nights out, weddings etc? Once drink is involved unfortunately some lose all sense.

No one is saying all teens are stupid or irresponsible but there is still a lot of growing up at that age, pushing boundaries, experimenting with alcohol (even if not provided), egging each other on, showing off etc.

Good thing you got a satisfactory outcome without having to call the parents OP.

YABU. As others have said - 40 teens in your home unsupervised? What did you think would happen?

As a parent I'd want to know, but "nice families" and good state or private schools don't make decent human beings.....in all honesty from attending such a school myself it's often opposite

Sorry OP but you were really irresponsible here.

They should not have done what they done, at all, but 40 kids left alone is a recipe for disaster. It was ever Thus.
PS Do you have a large detached home as I feel really sorry for your neighbours if its a Terrace or similar.
Chalk it up to Experience is the best thing

Yes you're a totally dumb parent for not seeing that no matter how great your girl is it might get out of hand or beyond her control. It's 100% your fault
That said discuss with your kid what went wrong, make a decision you are all happy with because she tried really hard to sort it, you let her down. Don't pursue it if your daughter is totally against the idea. She has every right to feel they've insulted her too.

What on earth would you say -

' You boy who is 'the lead', left my shed door open and some tools on our grass. He then tried to steal things from my house (luckily my daughter, searched his and his friend pockets as they were thrown out of my house because they brought in mud into my kitchen as they were wearing clompy trainers'!!

What? You didn’t get your parents permission to snog with boys when you were sixteen?

Some of the comments here are bracing but correct. You were naive but your naivety probably came from a place of being a decent person yourself and assuming that friends of your DDs would be decent and respectful.

Some of the comments where people say they blame you for their children’s drunkenness and bad behaviour and anyway boys will be boys are depressing. But you live and learn and hopefully your DD now knows who her real friends are and whom to avoid going forward.

I learned the easy way. A friend had similar happen with her 17 year old DS who was upset by how his “friends” treated his family’s house…so now my DCs know not to bother asking for a party between the ages of 15 and 21. They said they wouldn’t want one anyway, having seen the state of our friend’s house the next day. It was a minority of guests who behaved this way…the type who turn up to every party, whether invited or not. Everyone knows who they are. Their parents think they’re absolutely amazing. Fee-paying school.

I AGREE!

WTAF is everyone on in here.....public school / state school / parents should have known better?

They treated the OP's HOME like a shitpit, they took no care. Bet they wouldn't do that at their homes.

This is YOUR HOME OP, you pay for it with your hardearned cash. You have made it nice, comfortable, a safe place for your family....HOW FCKING DARE THEY????

If you don't GO APESHIT with them, how will they ever learn?

If you don't GO APESHIT, they won't learn and there'll be some poster on here in 15 years bemoaning her lazy husband who's messed up the house and doesn't pull his weight. FFS.

Also, tell the girls THEY DESERVE BETTER....WTAF are these boys thinking that they can make a mess and the girls clean it up.

FFS. Send me round, I am fuming.

Agree there is a massive difference between accidental damage due to sheer numbers and intentional damage and theft. The latter is appalling and deserves a total bollocking and repercussions. The former is a chance you take hosting.

I wouldn't contact their parents if it's going to upset your DC. She tried to keep them under control, she kicked them out and her and her friends were responsible enough to try and clean the mess up, the boys parents are likely not gonna pay it anyway.
You left 40 teenagers unsupervised in your house. I'd have expected worse.

Thing is @StellaFromTheFall if you GO APESHIT based on the version of events shared to you with your DD and friends based on minimising any wrongdoing on their part, you may not be getting the true story.

It's a dirty carpet and a muddy lawn, not Armageddon.

Yeah but you missed the op's lovely post where she said her girls were good girls who knew how to behave and it was only the stupid girls that got raped.

I wouldn't be so quick to defend her.

I don’t know I kind of want to see OP GO APESHIT. I hope she gets it on video and uploads it to Tik Tok too. It would be great entertainment!

i agree. She should definitely GO APESHIT about leaving the shed door open and getting mud on the floor and put it on TikTok.

it’s disrespect for the home she pays for. And the only way to challenge that is turn up on their doorsteps and GO APESHIT.

I think I wouldn't have left 40 teenagers in my house unattended in the first place, regardless of how nice they might be. Ultimately they don't know how clumsy and giddy they can be, how much noise they're making and how reckless their behaviour can be. And if I had left 40 teenagers alone in my house and it all went Pete Tong, I'd just blame myself for having thought it wouldn't and so consequently wouldn't then be contacting parents following the mayhem.

Oh I would relish a random parent turning up and going APESHIT at me. Honestly, I’d be on my door step chuckling and probably filming in order to send around to friends and family 😂

The OP did kind of go a bit APESHIT yesterday in her updates!