Hello
To those who offered considered opinions, thank you.
To those who just chose to be nasty, then I wish you would simply think beyond a knee jerk reaction before proffering any opinion, especially when devoid of actual facts.
To those who just changed facts (stating my garden was dug up - it wasn't) but garden tools taken out from shed and strewn on lawn.
I never stated I wanted any money / compensation. Yes, it is more clearing up than I'd anticipated. And yes, I should suck that one up.
And for the record, the majority of teenagers invited are friends of my DC - my DC has a bunch of 9 close friends, and as is normal in my neck of the woods, they each have connection to other friends from different schools, hence their world has expanded.
To those who offered unpleasant attacks, have none of you sat down and jointly looked at TikTok/Snapchat accounts of your children? They interact with a huge group of kids they know.
This is a good thing to mix with many different people. There were a few friends of friends my DC didn't know well, but who came with a friend she trusts.
Yes, it was the boys who dragged the mud in and a couple of girls. My DC close friends all admonished them, and the girls immediately apologised and came in. The boys immediately didn't.
And the lead boy was the one who was the only drunk one. The rest had drunk, but were not boarish. It is possible for teenagers to drink and not become drunk.
I was at a local restaurant, 10 mins away from my home. I checked upon my DC every half hour and it was going well and everyone was having a good time.
Towards the end of the eve, some boys went into garden beyond decking and that is when they began to create mischief.
Why do I know this to be fact? Because DC tells me everything and we openly talk about all issues related to her life. She asks my advice on many issues, and tests her opinions on other issues by engaging in conversation.
The only reason I posted was to gauge opinion re whether I call parent of lead culprit.
If my child attended a party and was disrespectful on any level, then I'd want to know.
I feel happy about my decision to trust my DC. And this is in common with many parents in my neck of the woods. Which 16 year old wants a parent hanging about? I know I wouldn't.
Do you know, 16 year olds can get married, learn to drive, join the army etc? There are many many responsible, independent and truthful teenagers, and my DC is one of them, as are her close friends, hence she is friends with them.
And because DC, in line with her close friends, talk to their parents about everything, trust is built and there are no pitfalls to encounter.
Yes, it was unexpected that a 16 year old (just a few 15 year olds on the cusp of 16, but no 17year olds or older at the party) would be disrespectful of trashing an invite to a party.
And it was extremely surprising that only the girls were cleaning up. The boys had left by then. Partly because my DC threw out the main culprits.
But as it turned out, a few boys did actually help in the cleaning. And it turns out that in their group chat today, all of the children have 'told off' the main culprits and have even stated that these culprits would not be invited out with them again.
They are dealing with the matter in a responsible manner.
Yes, I've had to clean. More than I'd expected. But I think the reason I posted this was because I could not believe someone's child, in this day and age, would be so disrespectful. But, as I said, I didn't need to do anything about it as the group have taken care of the matter themselves.
Calling out bad behaviour is important. If it is not called out, then the person thinks they can get away with it and will never learn the proper social codes.
And for those of you who think children just lie, and to those of you who victim blamed, then I think you need to look at how you handle relationships with your children.
Teenagers (children) only lie to a parent if they feel they are not able to express themselves or do not have clear boundaries they negotiated, so they can develop their own sense of self. Negotiated boundaries , which are full of explanations as to why they exist and why they are important, are crucial because imposed boundaries, devoid of explanation, understanding and taking into account all elements of any issue, will simply lead to a child/teenager feeling they have no agency or independent thought which can lead to the most awful situations.
Thank you again to those who posted considered comments. They were useful.