Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

40 is a lot. Do you have a big house? I can't imagine having 40 round at mine

I was raped as a teen at a party.

I wasn't drunk fwiw and I'd agreed to slope off and do some snogging.

I couldn't stop him.

I was sensible.

But according to you it's my fault.

Rape apologist victim blamer you are. And I'm disgusted at you. How bloody dare you.

This is insane. I can't understand how you can be so obtuse in your responses OP.

I had parties at home at 16 but never anywhere near 40 people and definitely not inviting people into my parents' home that were friends of friends rather than people we knew directly.

Everyone I know would expect trouble of some sort with a party this size.

In trying to be the trusting, laid back cool parent you let your guard down a bit too far.

There’s a lot of ‘I’m a special kind of mum’ and an amazing naïveté about whether her DD would lie to her (despite her incredible mothering skills).

What actually seems to have happened is:

• OP agrees DD can have 8 friends round for her birthday party and decides to go out all evening.
• Totally unexpectedly, 40 teenagers turn up to this party (while the parents are out)
• The parents are checking in every 30 mins but at no point is there any indication that the party may be somewhat beyond the agreed parameters. No noise. No information from the DD.
• Some horrible boys go outside and walk on the grass. This ruins the lawn
• somehow (and for reasons only known to silly teenagers) the boys decide to open the shed. Now, the OP is clearly a responsible person so we can assume her shed was locked. Somehow the boys got hold of the key
• the boys took some garden tools out and left them on the lawn. Imagine the shock of seeing a rake left on your lawn.
• the boys kept going in and out so they walked mud everywhere.
• the DD and her friends were unable to stop the boys going on the grass or in the shed, and no mention of it was made in the 30 minute check ins
• however, in an enormous coincidence, just before her parents were due home, the DD and her friends were able to force the horrible boys to leave
• but the boys were stealing stuff (despite their good independent and nice catchment state schooling!)
• the girls may not have been able to stop the boys going in the shed or garden but they did manage to conduct pocket inspections and retrieve the stolen goods.
• they then tried their hardest to clean up

Obviously, nothing in there suggests that the DD may not have been as honest as the OP insists (because she would never lie to her, so secure is the DD in the boundaries she herself negotiated). Nothing at all.

It couldn’t possibly be that the DD knew her parents would be out, got excited, invited loads of people, had a great time (and neglected to share any of this with her mum), realised when everyone left (because imminent parental return) that it was a mess, instigated desperate clean up attempts, then told this version of events to her angry mother, possibly adding the stealing part (but being able to stand up to the boys over than and nothing else) to really emphasise the naughty boys/poor girls story she needed her mum to believe.

Because she negotiated that 8 girls party in the house alone with her mother. So she’d never have told mum one thing and thought she could get away with something different. No 16 year old would do that. Nor would they underestimate his much mess and silliness might result.

This happened to me, actually worse. Similar situation, attendees from a highly regarded school mostly (made feck all difference, trust me they’re the worst when alcohol is concerned!) Hubby went out to the pub while I stayed upstairs, after about an hour and half listening to the girls ridiculous screaming and screeching I decided to take the dogs a walk across the fields to escape the very unnecessary noise, wow wow wow, stupid stupid mistake. I was gone just over an hour (maybe 1.5 hours 😬) and in that time they had totally wrecked the electric garage door (bespoke made), there was sick all over the hall/downstairs loo and spillages and mess everywhere. Totally my fault and I hold my hands up… I was utterly stupid to have left the house. Didn’t call anyone out but put it down to a big expensive lesson learnt and I suggest OP does the same.
Also OP ‘intelligent debate’ Try spell check if you want to sound a little more intelligent/higher class maybe.

@crookedhoosie

You sound like you're only a kick in the arse off victim blaming a rape victim with your last update.

I'm so angry.

How dare you infer what you are.

Sensible girls don't get raped. That's what you're saying.

Completely agree. My blood is boiling here. This triggering old memories for me ,so I think I need to leave this thread .😭 Thirty years ago and it still gets me. Sorry.

Same @Christinestrawberrygirl

I'm absolutely raging.

How bloody dare you op? Smug victim blaming rape apologist.

Hi,

We had a similar situation as in my DS turned 16 recently and had a party of about 40 too. My DH and I stayed in though. We were upstairs in case of anything going wrong that my DS felt unable to manage. Totally respect your views on that and would have much rather go out tbh but just thought 16 year olds just starting to venture out and try alcohol…… we should probably be present. But my DS having friends in all different areas, so similar to your DD.

Not too much went wrong tbh but I found the boys so helpful and lovely. Tidied everything up and was really respectful so it’s not a boy thing, I know that’s not what you were trying to say, just my pov for what it’s worth.

I wouldn’t let the parents know because I know how awful that would be for my DS but as a parent I’d really want to know so it’s a tricky one.

One really learns a lot by posting on Munster and being exposed to the detritus of society.

Really, OP?

@Christinestrawberrygirl 💐 i’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. No one deserves this horrible type of violence. No one. Ever.

Same@crookedhoosie
House full of teenagers ( some ma pals- we were at a 16th birthday party. I was just turned 15. No one believed me later . Ma mum blamed me.).

I had a party like this at that age. Local kids came along and ruined pool, garden, smashed stuff etc. I ended up calling police myself! Parents had left us for the evening too. Parents had a big bill and accepted they shouldn’t have trusted me to party alone. Suck
it up I say. Be glad it wasn’t worse!!

its enraging that the girls have already learned to do the tidying up - practicing being the kind skivvies from a young age!

normally I’m all for feminist rage about these things.

but… here… nope. The OP came home
to the 9 girls she knew were coming desperately trying to clean up the evidence that they had decided to have a different party than the DD agreed with her mother.

No be kind skivvying. The other 30 kids all knew they needed to leave at 11 because the parents were coming back. And the girls realised that the mess was too big … so they needed a version of events that would minimise the trouble they got into.

There’s a nasty ringleader boy who makes a good villain. The OP should definitely call his parents and complain that he stood on her lawn.

I'm so sorry @Christinestrawberrygirl

I was 17. It was an 18th.

I was driving hence not drinking. Plus I was a good child and would've never had alcohol under age.

I tried to tell my mum. I didn't even get it all out til she told me I should've never gone off with him and must've led him on.

You left 40+ teenagers unsupervised in your home for a birthday party and are surprised something like this happened? You can call the parents but it was ultimately pretty irresponsible for you to leave.

are you implying all 16 year olds are stupid and naive and irresponsible? I don’t agree

Clearly the ones who were messing about in your shed were naive and irresponsible. Surely the shed was out of bounds, too?

I can understand your frustration but I fail to understand how 40 pissed up teenagers would resemble a scene out of The Waltons 😂

Drink can bring out the worst..

Absolute madness to leave 40 16 year olds alone in your house. What the hell were you thinking?

Of course shit was going to happen. There’s no way I’d have gone out and left them.

Actually, there’s no way I’d ever have 40 teenagers in my house full stop, and I live in a pretty big house.

I’d suck it up and never allow it to happen again.

@thecranberries Why would I not expect 16 year olds to be responsible? They are almost adults now with legally defined independence.

Your comment would be funny if it wasn’t so stupid! You were negligent to leave forty 16 year olds on their own in your house and are lucky nothing major happened. Your negligence also meant you left your dd in an extremely vulnerable position!

Unfortunately I think this is what done teenagers do. They don’t care about anything and have no regard for consequences. That said, I would contact any of the parents of the boys not just the ringleader. I would not expect anything from them but I would want them to know the damage their children caused. If my kids did this I’d want to know and that’s the approach I’d take with the parents.

They went to GOOD state schools and PRIVATE schools and they still behaved like that?! 😂 have you not heard of Everyone’s Invited? Your naivety and snobbery is quite startling. Lesson learnt.

anything not snuggling but perfect euphemism! LOL!

I'd put it down to experience, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to have anymore unsupervised parties. Were they drinking alcohol?

Even if you had 40 adults in and out of your house with this wet weather your carpets would be dirty.

Anyway it would be your daughter's word against theirs and if you go ringing their parents at their age it would be really embarrassing for your daughter.

I’m so sorry@ Crookedhoosie and Christinestrawberrygirl to* hear of your traumatic experiences of rape as teens *
The saddest thing is that you are still dealing with women such as the Op on this thread, who continue to lack awareness and are still victim blaming , as of course, no naïce and savvy teens and young women ever experience rape.

Always hire a venue 🤣🤣
And probably door staff

I went to a very nice private school and it has absolutely no relevance to how well behaved teenagers are, particularly hormonal boys peacocking.