Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

@WaffleHouseWendy - really not my problem if someone is stupid enough to leave their house with unsupervised 16 year olds. And if someone tried to make me pay for damage when they weren't there and didn't witness anything, I'd laugh in their face.

I went to a very expensive private school and we did an awful lot worse than track mud into the house when someone had an illicit house party when their parents went away. Frankly, I think the OP (if this is true which I doubt) has got off lightly.

Have you ever met any 16 year olds?

There’s definitely a ‘I am not built like other Mums’ vibe.

I have an 18 year old who has had house parties. Never had my house trashed. Dd has been to house parties, tells me all the gossip. Never been to one where the house was trashed. Because the parents were sensible and recognised that not all teenagers are sensible especially when drinking.

We also wouldn’t want our teenagers in the position of trying to throw out a drunk group of lads, on their own. They are teenagers not Door staff.

While I would want to know if my DS behaved this badly, I think you allowed this to happen by not being there. They are only 16 yo children and to expect your 16 yo Dc to monitor and control a party that size is a huge responsibility. Go to your bedroom, neighbours, man cave, wherever but be on hand.

Seems the irresponsible one was YOU then ,OP. Letting a 16 year old girl have 40 other 16 year over with no on site adult supervision? Anything could have happened ffs. Or are you trying to say "niace" boys and gels don't do that sort of thing? Jesus get yer head out yer bahookey.

That's a massive party, especially with no supervision. I'm afraid it's not that unexpected and I would just chalk it up to experience and not allow a repeat of it.

I have met 16 year olds yes. I was even one myself. If people aren't checking that party parent is going to be there, are they even checking that the party parent even knows there's a party going on in their house? I know the op arranged this. But are parents even checking that it's ok before their 16 year old heads out to someone's house for the evening? Because I think if the parents of the guests aren't checking this basic information, whether the parents are going to be there, whether they are aware, then the parents of the guests are equally as liable for any damage created by their child when they are out.

Christ, 40? 40!? You shouldn't have gone out I don't think with that many, and really more than one adult should have been there, even if out the way in the background. I think 40 15/16 year olds plus alcohol anyway is a recipe for disaster personally. Yabu.

Are you being serious they were having a party but had time to go in your shed and get out tools then try to garden!?

You left 40 teenagers unsupervised with alcohol in your house and thought it would all be OK?! I would make sure that you call your own parents to let them know you really messed up.

This is turning bizarre!

Super surprised this is still here. Op grows more goady with each poorly phrased, desperate-to-sound-upper-class-and-failing-miserably update.

So would you do this again OP?

You are heavily defending your position and I do understand you don’t want to judge all teenagers but it’s kind of a numbers game - there will be rotten apples.

its enraging that the girls have already learned to do the tidying up - practicing being the kind skivvies from a young age!

never leave teens unsupervised. I hear the stories from my older nephew and niece and it's wild. Kids always ask other kids. Both my niece and nephew have been to parties they've heard about on Facebook.- one bit removed and then they feel no rrspniviky abs trash. At one party hundreds of kids turned up!

im not sure about contacting parents. You shouldn't have really gone out. My kids went to a 16th party recently, friends of friends came, and my kids got wildly drunk to the point that when I went to pick them up (their friends called me) one of them was so out of it I nearly drove her to the hospital. I am enraged with the parent for not supervising properly and not even calling me to tell me my child was out of it.

You’re beyond help. If you think so highly of them then why bother telling the parents? Just talk to them like a grown man. Also totally repeat this event. I dare you. 😆

upstairs completely blocked off
And how did you block upstairs??!

I am picturing a museum-style velvet rope, foolproof deterrent against access, theft, pregnancy, STD's and sexual assault.

@thecranberries teacher here. I’m afraid you’re v naive if you think rape can’t happen because the girls are savvy and look after each other. I’ve heard about/ had to deal with rapes happening in exactly these circumstances with v ‘nice’ girls/ boys involved and in one case video evidence in to the mix recorded on mobile phones. Largely this was because of teenage girls too drunk to give consent and boys taking advantage. I think you need to raise your own awareness. Rape is not a crime that just happens with unsavvy girls in dark street. Much much more likely in exact these circumstances.

back to the qu, ridiculous to allow a party under these circs but that doesn’t excuse the behaviour of course. I would normally support the phoning of parents but if these culprits behaved like this you’re unlikely to get the results you evpect/ want and sagely might uncover more v undesirable behaviour

Why on earth would you state that rape can happen? Not one of my DC or her friends, or her friends of friends (the girls) don’t know how to be alert and aware. They’ve been catcalled by grown men since they were in year 11, and they know how to look out for each other. They are savvy, because they have to be.

No one is actually this naive surely?

Do you actually have any children of your own? If so is your boy likely to rape a girl if the parents weren’t around? If it’s a girl, would she not stay downstairs with her friends? And in any case the upstairs was blocked off.

I have 3 children who are now adults.

Rape doesn't have to happen upstairs and drunk kids don't make sensible decisions re snogging etc and consent can be withdrawn at any time or indeed the victim may be too drunk to give consent.

You are sounding a bit weird now tbh.

What did they try and steal? Was it spoons hidden in an umbrella?

You sound like you're only a kick in the arse off victim blaming a rape victim with your last update.

I'm so angry.

How dare you infer what you are.

Sensible girls don't get raped. That's what you're saying.

Completely agree with the teacher up thread.
You are so arrogant and convinced you are right. And your poor DD and her pals have all the responsibility placed on them . I have met parents like you alot and I hope sincerely that nothing bad happens to any of the kids at your DD's parties. They are very much still kids at 16. Very very much so.

Yep OP thinks only “stupid” girls get raped.

I feel happy about my decision to trust my DC. And this is in common with many parents in my neck of the woods. Which 16 year old wants a parent hanging about? I know I wouldn't.

Do you know, 16 year olds can get married, learn to drive, join the army etc? There are many many responsible, independent and truthful teenagers, and my DC is one of them, as are her close friends, hence she is friends with them.

Then I don’t see what the problem is Your parenting is flawless, your DC have naice friends from the right sorts of schools and there were definitely no problems at the party.