Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

@ Mammajay I am curious as to whether any of the posters who say contact the boys parents have teenagers themselves

I said contact the parents BECAUSE I had teenagers (and knew many of their friends and the friends' parents). They were rural teens, freeranging like unruly buffaloes over a wide area. Shared intelligence was the parents' primary defence against really awful fuckups by our teenagers.

They were rural teens, freeranging like unruly buffaloes over a wide area
**
So you're the one responsible for all the Bison looking into people's windows then.

I would have been upstairs. You got off lightly. Clean your carpets, thank your lucky stars and never have an unsupervised teen party again.

Keep checking back for a reply from OP but nothing yet. Too busy cleaning I presume.

YABU to allow 40 unsupervised 16 year olds in the house. We've had max 20 in the garden and about 10 close friends in the house but no more. And all supervised.

Yep, they're the worst kind IME. Posh kids who've never been told no.

Why did you go out? Your daughter could have got you downstairs to read the riot act to these vandals and throw them out. Never leave the house with 40 teenagers in it. Chalk it up to experience - and I'd put it on Facebook with names as a warning to others and tell any parents known to me (they'll think you are mad to have left the house btw).

YABU
You were completely round the bend to leave 40 sixteen year olds unsupervised at your home for hours. This is on you. Your poor daughter must have had the most stressful birthday in her life, all because you left her holding the bag. Don’t call the parents, hug your daughter and make sure she knows this wasn’t her fault and chalk it up to poor judgement on your part.

You’re lucky no one overdosed or got drunk and injured. The party could have ended much worse than mud everywhere.

To be honest, if I was the other parent I would be pretty annoyed that my 16 year old was left unsupervised at a house party.
I do not understand how that could be considered safe, especially with so many in attendance.
you are so lucky none of the teens managed to get access to alcohol.

I really hope you changed your bedsheets before getting into bed last night if you left 40 mixed sex teennagers alone in your house!

Inviting a large number of people to your house does not give them the right to deliberately damage your belongings. It maybe wasn’t the best idea, but still, it’s not a free invitation to damage other people’s belongings.

I would definitely want to know if my DS had behaved so badly.

As others have said, I have no idea why you left such a gathering unsupervised

Your daughter will be mortified and possibly made fun of if you speak to the boys parents.

Really sorry to say but it is reasons like this that I wasn’t allowed house parties and I won’t be allowing my kids house parties unsupervised when teenagers either.

I really don’t see what it has to do with the other kids parents?

Ok, you are on glue 😂 The 'outside world' does not get to me and neither is my mental health in any way unstable. Sorry to disappoint but I'm also not frothing, just dipping in and out to watch you dig yourself deeper. You will notice that a huge percentage of posters have agreed with me in thinking the OP was downright irresponsible and that was the only opinion I expressed until you started being so bloody rude.

I will not tolerate randoms calling my rather fabulous children names when they have never even met them. Learn some God damn manners and you'll probably find your opinion will actually be valued by someone one day.

@Ursula82

Thanks! 😀

It was a few years back now so can't remember too many of the details.

We were there at the beginning as they arrived and did a cake/food etc and "unveiled" a wall of pictures throughout the years! He found a little embarrassing but also funny. Lots of pics of his friends and people they all knew do they liked spotting themselves and their friends.

Once they were "settled" we ducked out and went upstairs and just popped down periodically. So they knew we were about and I think that kept any too abhorrent behaviour under control.

I can't actually remember if there was alcohol but they might have been a few alcopops.

I don't think it finished too late but some did stay over as we live a bit out of the way.

They were very well behaved generally (because we were there, there is absolutely NO WAY we would have gone out!) nothing damaged and not too much mess.

It was all pretty civilised really!

The OP hasn't come back with any reply- despite there being 19 pages of replies- clearly a journalist!

Calm down love. Before your head explodes 😂

Your final paragraph reeks of snobbery. Yuck. Yabu. Don’t leave a bunch of teenagers alone in your home.

Well, that's the difference between you and I. My head can cope with adult debate and big words without exploding😉I'm sure you'll get there one day if you stop calling people, especially those you've never met, names as an introduction because after that people have an opinion of you and there's nowhere else to go. Now, I'm sure many posts ago you promised not to engage with me any further. May I hold you to that now, please?!

I'm not sure you can cope with adult debate. Name calling seems to be your speciality. Accusing others of the behaviour you yourself are demonstrating..is odd. You sound demanding and intolerant. I doubt that gets you far in life.
But I'm happy to stop engaging with you. As long as you can find it in yourself to do the same... I don't think either of us are finding it a meaningful experience.
Ciao.

I think the parents might be surprised to know you left them all unsupervised. 40?! I agree with Pp. You were lucky.

That said, it does seem like pointless damage.

Cant imagine why