Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

Let's hope 40 teenagers don't rock up or it'll be chaos 😂

It’s a bit ‘not my Nigel’, isn’t it? Or, given the ages and sexes, ‘not my Oliver/Olivia’.

Obviously not having to supervise a house full of teenagers is preferable. But if you’re going to let your DD have a house party, then you’re committed to an evening of being the ‘fun police’.

Why you’d agree to 40 teenagers in your house under any circumstances is beyond me though.

Mud on the carpet and rugs after a party of 40 kids, is getting off lightly. I wouldn’t dream of ringing the parents. That’s just boys not listening and girls moaning. What are the parents going to say? ‘Jack, so and sos mother has just rang going on about her carpets, next time you go somewhere take your shoes off ok? They can’t give him a bollocking for going in and out of someone’s garden. Blokes of fifty still walk mud in. Teenage boys just don’t consider things like that. It’s annoying, but don’t have teenage boys round again and don’t embarrass your DD by ringing.

OP, I have been in similar situations before - albeit not with 40 kids in my house. But even 10 drunk teenagers can do quite a lot of damage.

I never contacted the parents, but did make sure that my DC made the kids responsible own up to the damage, apologise and offer to pay to make it right. That was good enough for me and I did not make them pay. (I have had to pay out for professional carpet cleaning and a new rug on different occasions.)

I guess there was always an implied threat that their parents would be told if they did not come clean and apologise to me, but it never came to that.

Definitely contact the parents! That is desicable behaviour from children who are old enough to know better.

😂😂😂

Look at it this way. If your 16 year old went on a school trip with 40 other children, would you expect there to be a responsibile in the vicinity, to keep an ear out for anything over the top?

Really poor judgement on your part. You could have just kept out of the way to save your DD's street cred rather than actually going out and leaving your 16 year old, a child, to deal with unruly behaviour. It's hard when you're 16 and trying to appear cool and you feel peer pressure, but you're the adult, you have enough life experience to realise this and that also there are some shitty, immature 16 year olds who also don't respect other people's houses. It is YOUR house, you need to be responsible for it.

Did you not check in with your daughter by text/whatsapp at multiple times through the evening? That could have been the cue for her to ask you to come home early if things were getting out of hand.

teenagers are often stupid and immature ( not all but many) this is intensified in a group when they will showing off. I think you got off lightly with this. Things could have been so so much worse with that many teens left to their own devices. Don’t phone the parents - you were not there so no doubt he will blame someone else. Learn from this - don’t leave them alone or have much smaller gatherings.

That’s just boys not listening and girls moaning

And that's how 15 years later, those non-listening "boys" - now men - have wives/girlfrends who post on MN that they're sick of their DH's inconsiderate behaviour.

Excusing the boys and vilifying the girls.

Op ring me and accuse my son of this, I’d wrap up the call very swiftly.

then speak with son

if he denied, then I would call back and say, I believe my son, please don’t call again

if he admitted, I’d call back, apologise and say I would contribute to cleaning but not pay in full given the risk she took and being happy with huge party and booze. Son would pay me back!

Minding your own business doesn’t really work on an anonymous chat forum 😂

I can’t believe you went out leaving 40 teenagers in your house and came back expecting no issues!
That decision was completely irresponsible of you in my opinion.
At very least you could have been upstairs in the house just in case you were needed.
You can contact the parents by all means but I reckon they’ll ask where you were whilst all this was going on!

Was there alcohol at the party?

You can say pretty much anything as long as not abusive but doesn’t mean anyone has to take heed!! 😂

What on earth were you thinking? You let 40 16 year olds in your house and left them unsupervised?!? I'm surprised this is the only thing that happened!

My DS had a 16th birthday party. Nowhere near 40 people. Think there were 15/20. We still moved and covered up literally everything we could but also (and this is key!) remained in the house! We stayed upstairs for the majority of the time to give them some space but popped down periodically to ensure nothing too crazy was going on.

Still nearly lost the top of the dresser! As one girl knocked into it; thankfully I was stood right next to it at the time and caught it!

Large groups of 16 year olds are not to be trusted. I think you got off lightly tbh.

I feel for you but there is no way on this planet that I would leave 4 boys alone in my house let alone 40! It's not just teens, some adults find it hard to behave in other peoples houses!

Haven't read all the comments but it sounds like the majority of the kids there were sensible and thoughtful. 4 knobhead boys were the ones who caused all of the damage and just for fun by the sounds of it. I would absolutely tell their parents.

I don’t think you were abusive, so knock yourself out.

Personally though, I don’t name call other people or posters children

Even this is incredibly brave!

what time did it finish?
any alcohol?
did you get involved at all?

And what state was your house in afterwards?

Someone earlier on in this thread wrote this.......

"It's a public forum. I don't think you get to dictate who is allowed to post here or whether they have the right or not to comment on your messages. 😂

Sound familiar?

Oh dear..what a foolish thing to have done. I would chalk it up to experience.

You left 40 teenagers unsupervised at a party in your house?! You're responsible whether you like it or not. It's a party happening on your property. There are risks involved. You should have been there to oversee any issues. I'd hire a carpet cleaner or get professionals to clean it. No I wouldn't talk to their parents, because then they'll realise you left a party of minors, unsupervised.