Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

Not voted either way because they shouldn’t have messed up your home like that but it was also a disaster waiting to happen. I’d never let my house be used for a party of that sort and I’d definitely not go out and leave a bunch of 16 year olds unsupervised in my home.

This.

So sorry to read this. My daughter had a garden party for her 16th and we'd set up the food, seating, fire pit etc and stayed in the house. She ran in absolutely distraught, some of the boys had broken up our garden chairs and thrown them in the fire pit. I should have stayed out there to 'supervise'.

You let 40 16 year olds into your home without supervision. Hell , I wouldnt let 40 adults into my home without expecting 10% of them to be arseholes.

What exactly did you think was going to happen?

I would definitely contact the parents and I hope you have photos of what they did. It happened to my friend, he was 17 (older sister 20 but working that evening) and had invited 3 other friends round except one of them invited another friend and said I'll let you in and of course this other friend invited more who invited more. It got so out of hand they had to call the police to get people to leave. Flour, washing up liquid, any condiments from the fridge all over the carpets, walls etc.

My friend had to return from her weekend away and went round bright and early to the houses of those involved. The parents were mortified and dragged their sons out of their beds to face not only my friend but their parent' wrath too.

Ds goes to a friends house every year for a New Years Eve party, no parents and they have never once destroyed the house, everyone tidied up at the end, all the rubbish away and recycling done which is why every year they are all allowed back. There are probably 25 of them and started when they were 14.

*her son was 17.

I think, especially if you don’t mind confrontations, you have nothing to lose by contacting parents.
They may be difficult or they may be supportive. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I went out, obviously

Sorry OP, it's not obvious... Age 18+ maybe (if very responsible and a low number invited), but 40 16 year olds without supervision is/was a bad idea. At that age when I attended house parties the parents would usually 'hide' in a room watching TV with the door shut, letting us get on with it but being available if needed (and somehow, probably because they were there, things never got out of hand but we had the freedom to enjoy ourselves without proper supervision... just an occasionally wander out to get a cup of tea and then retreat). This is probably what you want to do (if there is a) next time.

YANBU, l have a 16 yr old D/D and 15 year old DS and have had several teen parties and all have behaved far better than that and stuck to a few house rules...these oiks need a kick up the rear.
I would also ban all those responsible from my home in future.
I am shocked so many on here think 16 year olds should not be responsible at someone else's house...perhaps that is the problem, get your teens to grow up and behave better!

I also think it’s such a huge parenting failure to leave your 16 year old with all the responsibility for 40 people in the family home.

Especially 40 teenagers. Unsupervised. And certainly with alcohol involved.

You don’t just bugger off for the night, leaving a 16 year old in charge (on her birthday) with the expectation that you’ll come home to a pristine house.

Hosting is hard. Hosting a large house party is really stressful. There was no way it wasn’t going to go wrong in some way.

Then there’s the obvious aspect that the DD is clearly going to tell a story where it’s not her - or the other girls who stayed over’s - fault. The actual truth will be a big murkier (and coated in peer pressure).

This is why you just don’t put your teenager in this situation. You aren’t being mean. You’re saving them from themselves when you insist on a small number of kids and you being in the house.

That is exactly what I would expect from private school boys from nice families tbh.

I can't believe that you left 40 of them alone!

I went out, obviously

😂😂😂

You should have never allowed 40 teenagers in your house and you should never have left them unsupervised.

If you were to phone the parents you only have your DD's version of what happened, not witnessing for yourself, so why would the boys parents want to cooperate at all with no concrete evidence. I imagine they would be more appalled at the lack of supervision.

You are extremely lucky that it was just a load of mud. What would have happened if one of the kids had to go to hospital with alcohol poisoning or there had been a fight and someone was seriously injured? You are lucky the police weren't called to find a load of unsupervised teenagers, possibly with drink or drugs.

@PoIIyPandemonium You were very rude about that pp's kids.

Calling kids "brats" you have no knowledge of whatsoever is just plain nasty.

That is exactly what I would expect from private school boys from nice families tbh

Yes look at Bullingdon Club - all ex Eton boys - trashing pubs & being vile.

40 unsupervised partying 16 year olds? I'd mainly be glad no one got arrested, or ended up in hospital. Could have been far, far worse.

Eh no it’s not. People should have respect for other people’s property!

You invited 40 15 and 16 year olds into your home and then left them unattended. I'd be furious with you. How irresponsible. This is on you.

YABU for going out. Just because they go to private/good schools doesn't change the fact they are 16, in a group and most likely would have had a drink. If I were the parent of one of those boys, I would be more worried that you'd left 40 young teenagers unsupervised than the bit of cleaning you've been left with.

Next time hire a venue.

They're not people yet though in my experience

People should have respect for other people’s property!

People shouldn't steal but I still lock my doors when I leave the house.

Yes, in an ideal world - you're right.

But these are teenagers who probably had unsupervised access to alcohol for several hours, and probably nowhere near enough food to sustain them all.

OP is lucky all she has to worry about is some mud on the carpets.

You left them unsupervised?

Play stupid games and you win stupid prizes.

Well that's stupid to say. You can know the boy and the family. The two I had to deal with knew both boys and their parents. Some kids are just stupid when out socially

Good point I would cook up a storm. Huge pots of chilli with rice and Bolognese with pasta, garlic bread, mounds of chips, crisps and other nibbles. Puddings from Iceland defrosted. I'd top it up at midnight too