Teenage boys ruined my carpets - should I contact their parents?

[thecranberries]

My 16 yr old DC had a birthday party last night. About 40 teenagers attending. Fine. My DC is responsible as are her friends. I went out, obviously, and came back at 11.30pm.

I found a bunch of girls mopping my wooden floor and stone kitchen floor, two girls picking up clumps of mud, one girl vacuuming up mud (ruined my Dyson as mud was wet) and various other girls using towels to wipe down what they could.

My DC told me what boys had done: they'd gone into the garden beyond the decking, despite being told repeatedly not to do so. They went into my garden shed and took out garden spade, fork and rake and just dumped them into garden, leaving shed door open. They ruined my lawn. And they'd repeatedly gone in and out - they all wear those clumpy trainers - and just spread the mud. (It's been very wet recently).

After being told many times not to do so, she finally told all the boys to leave, and as they were doing so, some attempted to filch things from my home, so DC and a few other girls checked the boy's pockets before ejecting them.

All the girls responsible, well behaved, and considerate. All the boys - led by one especially - irresponsible, disrespectful, boarish, and the lead boy - simply kept laughing when asked to behave responsibly and not rile up the others.

So, AIBU to call the parents of the lead boy and tell them exactly what their DS is like? I have to pay for my carpets and rugs to be cleaned and spend my day deep cleaning my home from debris I had not factored in rather than just the normal tidy up.

I know my DC will be extremely embarrassed at my actions, ie calling the parents of lead boy - but at the same time, I am left with an unexpected bill and extra work at a particularly time-poor moment in my week.

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

WWYD?

P.S if you left the house I'd change all your bedsheets too

I wouldn't have had that many. But we had several of this kind of party for our DCs (teenagers, max 20 guests) and went out, and... got back to find them all cleaning up and so on. Even in their 20s (we'd go to a hotel) we always got back to a spotless house.

So you will have to pay for the cleaning as an expensive lesson. But I'd contact the parents on the premise that if my DCs had done that, I'd want to know

I know people are saying 40 teenagers in your home is a recipe for disaster, but am guessing your daughter knew them all?

id have expected a messy house after that, possibly broken items and messy floors/ spilled drinks and puke in the bathroom. If that was the problem I’d say chalk it up to experience.

however, I’d be really concerned at the wilful damage of your property. These boys actively tried to damage your home- this wasn’t accidental.

If this was my son, I’d be mortified and want to know.

I’d contact all the boys’ parents, tell them about this behaviour and spell out the distinction between accidental and wilful damage.

I'm sorry but I think you have to take responsibility for leaving your home in the care of teens unsupervised.

How do you know your daughters version is the full truth?
The truth is that you don't and as you have no proof other than the story of one side, you are not in a position to make any accusations.

Lesson learned for all.

One of my friends hired 2 bouncers for one of her children’s 16th birthday!

You allowed her to have a party. You went out and left them. You're to blame. I've been to parties like this. Always have a party at a venue. Simpler.

The Dyson isnt ruined. It might need a new filter but let the mud dry first.
Even the carpets will look better once the mud has dried and been brushed off. You might even be able to avoid professional cleaning.

Don't let all your DDs memories of her big 16th party be negative: there must be some positive stories to share and something to laugh about.

The “they’re just teenagers” card is a cop out. Not all teens behave this way (theft ffs) and those that do, give all teens a bad rep.

Teenagers don’t just magically become responsible adults at 18. Or 21. Teens who haven’t had to face up to the consequences of their actions continue to be irresponsible, uncaring and the sort of adults people avoid.

Our neighbours teen has had several parties from 16, some without parents at home , all with large groups. I asked her parents if anything like this had ever happened - nope. Never. And none of the parents they know think it’s ok to behave that way. All would want to know if their teen was trying to steal things.

Ha! I did this on my 17th birthday many moons ago. Don’t remember my mum involving other parents. Doubt it crossed her mind. It’s a shame the house is trashed but you’re only young once.

Ps. Obvs not the thieving bit; that didn’t go on

My son went to a 16th party where they had this many guests but the parents had a spreadsheet and the Dad was asking at the door if their name was on the list otherwise they couldn't come in. The offerings were crisp snacks and cana of soft drinks, banned from upstairs as that was were the parents' were going to be. No mess or trouble, however my DS did say that it was the 'deadest' party he had been to and lots of people left early as a result of the controlling measures in place. It seems to me that is the only way forward if you want a no mess party. When I was 17 at 6th form college, my Mum went to Italy with her partner for a week, so I decided to have a party. I hired a bouncy castle as it was the 90s and remarkably teenager's weren't questioned about why they wanted one. I had more people turn up than expected, a boy was sick over my bathroom floor and there were 3x cigarette burns in the carpets in both lounge and dining room. My Mum's partner didn't like me anyway so when he returned he was fuming about the square patch in the garden from the bouncy castle and the fag burns as he discovered them and the ultimate annoyance was the huge electricity bill from the bouncy castle. My Mum said the party was allowed but obviously didn't know it was going to end up like this, tbf neither did I as it was the people I barely knew, hadn't invited that had done the damage. These aged between 16-18 so I'm not sure maturity counts for much.

I gutted the living room ( impossible with the dog around) and was very much looking forward to a solo evening with scented candles and Netflix ( no hidden meanings there) but when DS asked if he could have 4 pals round felt I couldn't say no so hid upstairs instead. It was getting a bit rowdy at 10 so I went down to find them all playing Monopoly Grin of all things. Did discover in the morning that it seemed to involve shot drinking though as well, so not as wholesome as it seemed

Ha ha fair play to them! Can you imagine that number multiplied by 10 and you not even in the house??? laughing at you gutting the house, I would do the exact same!

Yup, same as all pp - 40 16 year olds and you left them to it?! (Chances are that at some point there were more than that. Are you believing your dd when she told you how many and that she knew them all personally?)

You need a neutral venue and/or bouncers (not that you'll likely do it again!)

I can’t understand leaving 40 teenagers unsupervised, but having said that, it doesn’t mean you should let them get away with damaging your property.

If you left 40 toddlers, then OK, you would expect a mess, but teenagers know exactly how to behave. It’s disgusting behaviour and they need to understand they can’t behave like this. Kids nowadays just think they can get away with anything and there won’t be any consequences.

Do you live on Walton mountain?

Just for record, all boys come from 'nice' families, and go to very good state and private schools.

🙄 My ds had 20 kids over for his 18th birthday, all go to a very poor low progression state school and they all behaved immpecably. One boy drank more than he thought he could handle and was sick on the carpet but ds and his friends cleaned it all up so well that I couldnt work out where it happened (although he told me it was really difficult to get the chunky bits down the sink plug hole 🤮🤦🏻‍♀️).

Where you went wrong was giving 40 x 16 year olds free reign in your home, most of who your dd will only be aquainted with, and expected a 16 year old to deal with that. You need to take ownership of that one and learn from it. We stayed in, in our bedroom, with noise cancelling headphones/Earplugs and left them too it (never heard him being sick), but close enough that they knew not to push it and there if ds needed support.

Photograph the damage and mess. Send the photos to the parents of the kids concerned. Tell these parents that they and their child turns up today to clear up the mess and repair the damage. Anything that it is not put right will involve a cost and you will send out bills to these parents.

I disagree that it is a 'kidsnowadays' thing, it happened in my day- mid 90s that age, unless you are talking about the 1950s as my parents, hippy MIL definitely went to a few parties in their day in the 60s! I agree that theft is a different thing though.

I would ring the parents if the lead boy and ask them to send him over to deep clean the carpet and reseed the lawn.

No; it id partially your fault for allowing 40 teenagers in your house unsupervised and expecting your daughter to be able to control them.

you can tell them but nobody is going to pay for it.

I have 16 year old boy/girl twins - I am amazed you thought leaving 40 15/16 year olds alone was a good idea.

But 40 kids is about 25 too many. Something was bound to happen without an adult presence

Yeah my parents hired local rugby club for my 16th with bouncers. How dod you expect your house not to be trashed by 40 16 years olds unsupervised

For the record, I don't have brats and I object to your use of that word. I have two lovely young men who deserve to have their safety considered by the adults around them at all times. I'm sorry that you can't see the issue with the original poater's behaviour.

How dare you use that tone with me when you've never even met my children?