Boyfriend don’t have a place to stay, should I let him stay at my house.

[AmyJahabee]

40year old Boyfriend live with mum and step dad. Recently had issues with his stepdad and had to leave the house, step dad doesn’t want him living in the house and boyfriend has been staying at my house for two weeks. His mum text him saying he had arguments with the stepdad and has kicked him from the bedroom so stepdad is sleeping in boyfriend room, so now he kinda have no room in the house. His mum text saying should I bring you your work clothes save you driving? I was like but you could go home as things should cool off now. I feel the mum doesn’t want him in the house but keeping quiet, whilst step dad is been voicing his out. I don’t want to live with him yet as I have kids and just not ready for living together and would prefer for us to be engaged before living together. We have been together for a year.

while he is trying to find another place to stay should I let him stay at my house and just worried eventually this will turn to living together without any proper discussion.

he has a job but bad credit for mortgage and just don’t understand why he wouldn’t rent. He’s been living there on off for 5 year after separation from his ex wife.

How did you do that!?

£70K a year and he still chose to live with his Mum. I'm guessing he likes someone to look after him

Id bin him

Jeez, who are the 13% who think the OP is being unreasonable?? The cocklodger, his mum and the stepdad?

Haha. It's because the op is being unreasonable to consider this.

couldn't sort the credit despite living with his parents for FIVE years

Doesn't it take six years to repair credit and have CCJ's drop off? so he's wasted all that time when he could have been working on repairing his credit record and be nearly free of any bad debts.

Oh, just seen the gambling update. Don't do it, OP. You aren't going to let him move in, are you? are you?

It's the cocklodger siren sometimes the cocklodging is so great the bigly letters just appear.

THIS MAN IS A COCKLODGER HE IS USING YOU. HE NEEDS TO BE GONE FROM YOUR LIFE

See it just knows!

I met my now DH in July 17 years ago. He was in a live-in job, and when the business was sold 2 months later he suddenly became homeless. I had been married before and swore to myself I didn't want a man living with me all the time but I offered to let him stay with me. It worked out for me because here we are 17 years later, and married! However, my children were grown up and had left home. He didn't ask me. We worked out what he should give me in housekeeping right at the beginning. He had already met my family who all liked him (and love him now), we had already declared our love for each other. He was a huge support to me emotionally and practically (e.g. When he was not working he did all of the cooking etc. so I always had a cooked. meal waiting for me. He was actively searching for jobs. He was then, and is now, my partner in every way. If you think your boyfriend loves you, you love him, you think he will support you and be an equal partner then yes, why not help him by letting him move in with you. If you have even the slightest of doubts about any of those things then don't do it!

Did you miss the updates about his gambling habit and debt?

40 and still lived with his mummy!! He will simply be a Cocklodger

Sorry Dilema, I wasn't having a pop there.

Your story obviously ended in a happily ever after, because your dh was willing to discuss what he would contribute to living costs amd your parents had already met and approved of him.

The man in OP's case doesn't sound like someone who has taken responsibility for himself and even his own mother doesn't want him living with her.

He's earning well, why's his credit so bad? Don't tell me, the ex wife 'shafted him'.

I don't think the OP will be getting rid of him. She loves him and he'll manipulate her with a sob story.
It won't be long before there's some issue at work and he ends up jobless too. Possible mental health issues due to the gambling. Whatever....it will end up the same in the end - him rolling around the house, making noise about looking for work but not actually doing anything, just living off the OP and squealing "depression" as soon as she looks like she's expecting him to contribute more.

And we all know you are 100% spot on here.

Even the bigly letters have given up trying.

Honestly why do some women think that any man is better than no man? I dont get it!

Before you agree to let him move in

Agree an amount of money that he will pay per month towards rent & bills to you on the first of each month, plus he pays towards his own food

You should not be out of pocket in any way

He hasn't got any money he's gambling it all away at a rather alarming speed.

Don’t do it, OP. Tell him to sort it out with his parents or find a rental.

He sounds like a teenager, not a middle-aged man. You would be insane if you allowed him to move in by stealth...and you'd be back on this board in 3 months time asking for advice on how to get rid of him.

No, she’ll be back in 3 months pregnant and wondering how to make it work financially.

I didn't read your whole OP before posting my earlier comment.

I've just seen you have DC. You need to give him his marching orders now, that's your DC's home that you've allowed this random man to move into. Think about them, please.

This really made me laugh, as it makes perfect sense.

Sadly, that's way too common so yeah

You absolutely do not want a 40-year old manchild taking root in your house. No. No. No.

I’ll tell you what it’s like living with someone with a gambling addiction. Pure fucking torture! They lie (all the time) manipulate you and when they lose money on bets they become moody, argumentative and vile. They burn through money and then when it’s run out come up with lies about aww you couldn’t lend me a couple of hundred my wages haven’t come in this week, I’ll pay you back honest! They never pay you back, they stop paying you housekeeping and it’s a life of drudgery for you. When you refuse to give lend them anything, don’t be surprised if your debit card goes missing or anything of value. Your find your jewellery in the pawn shop by the way.
If this man wanted to pack in gambling he would put a ban on himself on the betting sites, and get help. He clearly doesn’t want to though.
There are 3 people in the relationship you him and his addiction, I hate to break it to you but he loves gambling more than you.
You probably won’t listen as his feet are under the table now so it’s all nice and cosy, and you’ve fell hook line and sinker for it.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s nicked something from his step father which is why he’s left.
You have children OP do they deserve this? You say you love him but you may not feel the love when you can’t afford to even put beans on toast on the table for your children's tea.
He’s done a great job on you hasn’t he? You may think I’m a bitch, but wait till it’s your kids birthday and you haven’t got a penny in your pocket to buy your child a birthday card, perhaps then you will realise what I’m talking about.

Has he gone OP?