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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend don’t have a place to stay, should I let him stay at my house.

280 replies

AmyJahabee · 20/01/2023 21:03

40year old Boyfriend live with mum and step dad. Recently had issues with his stepdad and had to leave the house, step dad doesn’t want him living in the house and boyfriend has been staying at my house for two weeks. His mum text him saying he had arguments with the stepdad and has kicked him from the bedroom so stepdad is sleeping in boyfriend room, so now he kinda have no room in the house. His mum text saying should I bring you your work clothes save you driving? I was like but you could go home as things should cool off now. I feel the mum doesn’t want him in the house but keeping quiet, whilst step dad is been voicing his out. I don’t want to live with him yet as I have kids and just not ready for living together and would prefer for us to be engaged before living together. We have been together for a year.

while he is trying to find another place to stay should I let him stay at my house and just worried eventually this will turn to living together without any proper discussion.

he has a job but bad credit for mortgage and just don’t understand why he wouldn’t rent. He’s been living there on off for 5 year after separation from his ex wife.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 22/01/2023 00:00

Please give your head a massive wobble…..

He earns 70k and a large inheritance. He’s perfectly capable financially of finding a place to live but chooses to leech of others like a parasite for a free ride.

And a gambling addiction to boot!?? 😳

This person is not relationship material, not in the slightest. Your home is not a rehabilitation centre or halfway house for some hobosexual who can’t get his shit together.

As harsh as it sounds you should be running for the hills, and the fact is that if you’re not then you’re not ready to be in a relationship.

Tiredmamma8 · 22/01/2023 08:40

Closetbeanmuncher · 22/01/2023 00:00

Please give your head a massive wobble…..

He earns 70k and a large inheritance. He’s perfectly capable financially of finding a place to live but chooses to leech of others like a parasite for a free ride.

And a gambling addiction to boot!?? 😳

This person is not relationship material, not in the slightest. Your home is not a rehabilitation centre or halfway house for some hobosexual who can’t get his shit together.

As harsh as it sounds you should be running for the hills, and the fact is that if you’re not then you’re not ready to be in a relationship.

👏👏👏👏👏

im now worried about what other inappropriate men she’s had around those poor children.

Stopthebusplease · 22/01/2023 11:12

OP, two questions:

Has he gone yet?
If not, why not?

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 22/01/2023 16:50

He is gone now, back to his mum. I have a two bedroom( girls room and mine), living room and kitchen, no dining area so not study or office area. Yesterday he decided to work from home doing extra work that was not asked by his manager just wanting to do work, so basically sat in the living room all day doing his work which mean me and kids are all upstairs in my room almost all day not to disturb his work. Not once did he say I will stop work or anything. Even he went to work in my room he will occupy the room all day.

you all are right I’m 35 manage to buy my house little mortgage with no debt as a single parent so could he, and come to think of he buys expensive clothes, £100 on gambling, expensive car so he could afford a room or house to rent.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmyJahabee · 22/01/2023 16:59

During the two weeks he’s been he hasn’t really look for any place to rent I think he was expecting to stay at my house for longer. I think what annoys me more is that he just came that day with bag just like that and if I didn’t say anything he would just be living here. The gambling has made me look at the relationship at a different angle, we can never be able to do anything financially. I’m very hardworking and it will so painful for someone to come and destroy all I worked for.

OP posts:
Backstreets · 22/01/2023 17:02

Well done OP. You did the right thing.

NewBootsAndRanty · 22/01/2023 17:03

Well done on getting him out OP! He sounds like a total dick.

extrasushiplease · 22/01/2023 17:09

Good on you, OP, and I'm sorry the relationship took this turn. If you're not madly in love with him, it may be time to call it a day. He has a lot of sorting out to do, and it sounds like he's always been enabled, so his issues will only worsen unless he really tackles them head-on. You deserve a real partner who will be a wonderful example for your kids.

We're none of us perfect, but that level of gambling is a huge addiction issue, and romantic relationships are often used as crutches in those situations rather than a healthy, life-enhancing, important connection for both people involved. That will help neither of you in the end. Best of luck!

Honkeydonkey · 22/01/2023 17:12

You are brilliant 👏👏👏

uncomfortablydumb53 · 22/01/2023 17:18

Well done OP, you deserve so much better
Let him go and take advantage of someone else

QueSyrahSyrah · 22/01/2023 17:21

Didn't read past the first sentence. NO.

QueSyrahSyrah · 22/01/2023 17:22

Oops just saw your update! Well done OP.

Boiledbeetlelovesbeautifullybindedbundles · 22/01/2023 17:32

100% THE RIGHT THING WELL DONE OP

gamerchick · 22/01/2023 17:32

Glad to hear it OP. The fact he expected sole use of a room all day and didn't give a toss you and your kids were stuck in a bedroom, tells you pretty much all you need to know about how entitled he is. No wonder his mother wants shot of him.

dontleaveitthere · 22/01/2023 17:36

Well bloody done op!

I'm sure he will try to wheedle his way back in. So remember why you don't want him around you or your daughter

Oh and his pass agg stance of confining you and your daughter to upstairs on his last day... how shitty.

Stopthebusplease · 22/01/2023 17:39

Thank you SO much for the update OP! Well done! I seriously thought that you had asked for advice, but weren't going to take it, in spite of just about everyone who responded telling you to get rid of him. So it's now a real relief to find that you've done the best thing for YOU and YOUR CHILDREN! What a CF he turned out to be! Expecting to take over the home of you and your children at a weekend, in order to do work that he didn't need to do, that seriously enraged me, and hopefully that was the straw that broke the camel's back, and made you tell him that he had to go? Can I ask one more question please? How did he respond when you told him he had to go, was it 'oh, OK', or did he try and weedle his way around you?

Once again congratulations on standing up for yourself, and even more importantly your children. I just hope that now you'll make absolutely sure that any man you're interested in in the future, has a home of his own, manages his money well, and as far as possible, doesn't have any nasty skeletons in his past, before introducing him to your kids. Good luck!

Boiledbeetlelovesbeautifullybindedbundles · 22/01/2023 17:44

Just remember OP, you are a strong 💪 independent woman.

You will be so much better off without this waster using up your precious mental, and actual resources.

He's a grifter, he'll soon have someone else falling for his shtick.

Concentrate on you and your kids. That's all you actually need.

DPotter · 22/01/2023 17:45

No.

Even if you didn't have children.

No

billy1966 · 22/01/2023 17:46

OP, well done, finally.

You need to reflect on why you would allow a man to confine you and your children to their rooms in their home.

Your poor boundaries make your children so vulnerable to a bad living situation.

Do not get into another relationship until you have remedied this.

Your children deserve better than entitled losers thinking they can impose themselves in your home.

Thats a really bad message to model your children.

ZekeZeke · 22/01/2023 19:58

So proud of you OP

ThePoetsWife · 22/01/2023 20:02

Well done OP

In future please reconsider how you introduce boyfriends to DC and have boundaries put in place - I dread to think what she is learning from your behaviour

Ladybug14 · 22/01/2023 20:11

Well done. Make sure to change the locks if he has keys

BeardieWeirdie · 22/01/2023 20:18

You need to dump him (not just stop him from cocklodging). Block his number and raise your standards.

GabriellaMontez · 22/01/2023 21:23

I bet your girls are over the moon. Well done.

Closetbeanmuncher · 22/01/2023 22:32

You’ve 100% done the right thing trust me. I’m also a single parent and know you must have worked damn hard to buy your home as did I.

You’ve built up the security for you and your girls, don’t give anyone the chance to ruin it.

🏆💐