Boyfriend don’t have a place to stay, should I let him stay at my house.

[AmyJahabee]

40year old Boyfriend live with mum and step dad. Recently had issues with his stepdad and had to leave the house, step dad doesn’t want him living in the house and boyfriend has been staying at my house for two weeks. His mum text him saying he had arguments with the stepdad and has kicked him from the bedroom so stepdad is sleeping in boyfriend room, so now he kinda have no room in the house. His mum text saying should I bring you your work clothes save you driving? I was like but you could go home as things should cool off now. I feel the mum doesn’t want him in the house but keeping quiet, whilst step dad is been voicing his out. I don’t want to live with him yet as I have kids and just not ready for living together and would prefer for us to be engaged before living together. We have been together for a year.

while he is trying to find another place to stay should I let him stay at my house and just worried eventually this will turn to living together without any proper discussion.

he has a job but bad credit for mortgage and just don’t understand why he wouldn’t rent. He’s been living there on off for 5 year after separation from his ex wife.

It must be hard OP, coming to the realisation of the truth through randomers on the Internet.

But you owe this man nothing. Just tell him it's not working for you and you want to end it. If you really must say something, you could say you just want to focus on your children. And leave it at that.

Tell him to put himself up in a hotel until he can find somewhere to live, but he can't stay with you. He will never be the man you want him to be. There's about a 1 in a million chance he will seek therapy and get himself sorted out, but only he can do that and it will take YEARS. Even if by some miracle he has some dawning realisation of the right road ahead, he would be be saying all this to you!! Do not hang around waiting for him.

A gambler too, Lord help you. He will fuck your life OP and leave you standing in the remains of what you once had whilst blaming you and looking for another sucker. Make sure he hasn't taken out any credit in your name/at your address/both. Do it and do it quickly.

He will leave my house but like I said I truly feel sorry for him and off course my kids come first. I feel sorry for his gambling as he is wasting his life. Is just hard watch him waste away

have you arranged for him to go now?

Will you stay together through this do you think? Or is it over? You dont have to say, obvioulsy

Gambler get rid and stay rid. You’ll never have money you’ll worry for ever he won’t pay bills etc.

That's good to hear he is going to leave. Well done OP.

If you want to help him, once he has gone you can think about telling him you know he's gambling and that he needs to seek help. Once he's on the road to help you can think about whether or not you want to pursue a relationship with him. But he needs to do a lot of work first before he or you would be ready to think about that. Heartbreaking as it is, it's a him thing to deal with and get professional support with.

Please take the rose tinted glasses off. He is a gambler.

You have seen it on his phone with your own two eyes. Believe what you see. He is using your home as a crash pad and nothing else.

Tell him to leave. He is not your project to 'fix'. He is sponging off you. He will need to hit his rock bottom before anyone can actually help him and he will have to realise this himself. You can't help with that either. He is hiding or masking his gambling by being able to do it on his phone or online. He doesn't need to lose big at the casino, it's all online now.
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1kS7QTDB16PWkywhsXJLzxz/information-and-support-addiction-alcohol-drugs-and-gambling

It's not "possibly" gambling....it is gambling.

Please do both him and you a favour (it's tough love time) and tell him to leave. Don't let him stay any longer. He can pay for a hotel or b&b.

how are you op?

I asses men like this when sadly their children are not safe with the other parent. Honestly, a 40 year old, living with parents quite often is a very small part of the picture. It is not uncommon to find they have never had their own tenancy- just moved from one unsuspecting partner to the other, never really grown up or taken responsibility. You are doing the right thing OP- particularly if he is a gambler- he will make your life hell. He is not the person you think you love because he has not been honest and you deserve better. Just a warning- he may make loads of promises to change etc but stand firm. Tell him to maybe come back WHEN he has changed and you will then think about if you have a future. He is 40 years old and you are ot responsible for him.

Whoops, I've just read the thread in entirety and see there's a suspected gambling problem.

Nothing suspected about this. It could hardly be more obvious!

Oh stop it - feeling sorry for him won't fix him.

He earns enough money to be self-sufficient. He's just rather sponge off his mum & you.

If you take ANYTHING away from this thread, take @newnamethanks's advice - Make sure he hasn't taken out any credit in your name/at your address/both. Do it and do it quickly.

Don't bother confronting him, you'd be wasting your breath and you know why
You don't need a reason, just tell him it's over and to leave
Where he goes is not your problem
Think of your DC being made to feel uncomfortable

Having worked in a bookies, never, ever, ever date someone who gambles. They will gamble both your lives away.

Tf you found this out before you moved him in or married him.

Help him find a rented room. His mother is probably sick of him living with her at 40. Don’t let him move in before you’re ready

Yup.

Always some women out there who will drag there heels when it comes to doing the right thing by their children because they feel more sympathy for a waster/loser than their own children......while spouting that their children come first of course 🙄

He's 40 and earning £70k he can find his own rented room. The OP is not his service human.

@billy1966 I read your posts a lot. They always make a lot of sense.

There needs to be a service where these women can hire for a nominal fee one of the mumsnet "nope I'm not putting up with this shit" posters to go and finish with and turf out their useless cocklodgers.

When I posted last night i mentioned an option (e) of him having a combination of things going on

So we already have gambling, shit with money and tight-fisted. Does he also do a bit of blow or like a drink? Just do I can get a full scorecard.

He genuinely doesn’t sound like much of a partner or a potential future good stepfather. He is no role model to the DC

So you may as well get shot now and save yourself more heartache.

Theres no need to bring up the gambling. That just gives him an in to say he’ll change. You dont have to justify your decision

Don't bother helping him look for a rented room or a flat or whatever. He's 40 years old and can do that himself. Tell him to get out. He can go back to his parents`, he can crash at a friend's if they'll put up with him, he can go to a Travellodge for a week or so.
Don't worry about him or feel guilty. These types always land on their feet. He's a classic hobosexual and he'll quickly find another woman to fall in love with who has her own property if you say you aren't putting up with this shit.

Ewww why is a 40 yo man sponging off his parents anyway. Gross Gross Gross.

Absolutely do not let him move in. Hell to the no.

Because he is a loser of the gambling variety. I mean just the thought makes my bits shrivel up, god knows what it must do to the OPs!

Have you told him to leave yet?

The bigger question here is :Is this one really a keeper at all? Maybe a good time to cut him loose.

40 years old and living with his mums husband

No respect for others by the sounds of it.

Exwife kicked him out, now parents - massive alarm bells.

sponging off others.

Sound like a massive manchild

does he have any money?

Why is his credit so bad? What’s he been doing?