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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend don’t have a place to stay, should I let him stay at my house.

280 replies

AmyJahabee · 20/01/2023 21:03

40year old Boyfriend live with mum and step dad. Recently had issues with his stepdad and had to leave the house, step dad doesn’t want him living in the house and boyfriend has been staying at my house for two weeks. His mum text him saying he had arguments with the stepdad and has kicked him from the bedroom so stepdad is sleeping in boyfriend room, so now he kinda have no room in the house. His mum text saying should I bring you your work clothes save you driving? I was like but you could go home as things should cool off now. I feel the mum doesn’t want him in the house but keeping quiet, whilst step dad is been voicing his out. I don’t want to live with him yet as I have kids and just not ready for living together and would prefer for us to be engaged before living together. We have been together for a year.

while he is trying to find another place to stay should I let him stay at my house and just worried eventually this will turn to living together without any proper discussion.

he has a job but bad credit for mortgage and just don’t understand why he wouldn’t rent. He’s been living there on off for 5 year after separation from his ex wife.

OP posts:
EscapeRoomToTheSun · 20/01/2023 21:24

Do. Not. Do. It.

It will absolutely turn into living together by stealth.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 20/01/2023 21:25

No way. He’s needs to learn to stand on his own two feet especially at the ripe old age of 40 for goodness sake.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 20/01/2023 21:26

He would stay in a hotel during the week as was doing contract jobs or stay with girl friend at the time. With regard to why he hasn’t rent up to now he says his mums offered him to come stay with them till credit sorted I bet they just got fed up.

OP posts:
BillyMack · 20/01/2023 21:27

Bad credit whilst living at home is a huge red flag

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/01/2023 21:31

The cocklodger siren is starting to wail

😂 This

He’s one of those parasitic spongers, who will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for himself.

I’m really baffled as to how you can’t see that, but sadly think you’ve already decided to let him move in.

Its your children’s home, not a fking halfway house. Don’t do it.

Mybumlooksbig · 20/01/2023 21:33

Red Flag

Red Flag

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/01/2023 21:33

He’s had five years to sort his shit out and hasn’t, what does that tell you OP??

LuluBlakey1 · 20/01/2023 21:35

No

Ragwort · 20/01/2023 21:35

No .. if he doesn't want to or can't afford to rent a flat he can find a room on spare room.com

Do not allow him to move in with you and your DC ... what are you thinking? Shock

Liorae · 20/01/2023 21:36

Not only would I not let him move in, I'd ditch him.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 20/01/2023 21:36

I feel guilty to see him almost homeless but so strange why he wouldn’t get himself stable when he’s earning £70k ( I know the figure as we work together and he earns twice as me) I understand the mortgage issue but from what he says his inheritance of £60k and atleast some savings( I assume after working for so long he should have a huge amount) he could easily buy £100k houses outright .

OP posts:
xsquared · 20/01/2023 21:36

WTF, I saw the thread title and thought this was about a man in his early 20s.

Just no.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 20/01/2023 21:37

It will tell you a lot about his character when you say ‘no’. You’re not ready to live together. It’s not appropriate yet and it will be interesting to see whether he is understanding all respectful of your point of view or when he puts his needs first. “Please live with me because it will be inconvenient for me if you don’t” isn’t especially romantic is it?. He’s a debt-ridden, homeless 40 year old whose mother doesn’t want to live with him. Unless he’s absolute dynamite in bed and caters to your every whim out of it, I’m not sure what’s in for you.

Divebar2021 · 20/01/2023 21:41

He earns £70k , has bad credit and has been living with his mum. Holy shit. He sounds like a nightmare on legs.

Cnidarian · 20/01/2023 21:42

No. Do not feel guilty, stop that right now. The man earns £70k?! I assumed you were going to say he was broke. He can easily rent somewhere, or as you say buy something cheap. This is not your responsibility do NOT move this man into your children's home.

BeExcellent2EachOther · 20/01/2023 21:43

He's a middle aged man who has relied on his wife and then his mummy, and then his girlfriend and then his mummy again (when his gf had presumably had enough) and now you to house him.

He needs to grow up!

His housing issues are his problem to resolve, not yours.

I'll bet if you kick him out, he'll be weaselling his way into another woman's home within weeks; are you sure it's you he likes, or the free bed and board??

itchyhand · 20/01/2023 21:44

I bring before you a new noun (I learnt it on here last year):

Hobosexual

Ragwort · 20/01/2023 21:44

How can a 40 year old earn £70K, have an inheritance and still live with his mum? Surely you can find a better man or just enjoy peace and quiet in your own home with your DC.

Stompythedinosaur · 20/01/2023 21:45

Absolutely don't let him move in! He doesn have to go back to his mum's, but it is up to him to work out where to live.

Dartmoorcheffy · 20/01/2023 21:45

He can easily find something to rent on that money . Don't be conned into letting him move in if you aren't ready.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/01/2023 21:46

How much has he financially contributed to your household over the last two weeks?

How long have you been dating?

I expect you’ll say no and he’ll either beg or turn nasty. Neither a good look.

VestaTilley · 20/01/2023 21:48

How long have you been with him? No way let a man move in to your house if you have children, unless you’ve been together years and years and truly trust him.

I wouldn’t let him stay, no.

Gonnagetacatwhenimovein · 20/01/2023 21:49

God no

comfortablylesslumpy · 20/01/2023 21:49

One word- No.

Three words- He's a Cocklodger.

Ivecomeoutoflurking · 20/01/2023 21:50

Throw this one back OP