Boyfriend don’t have a place to stay, should I let him stay at my house.

[AmyJahabee]

40year old Boyfriend live with mum and step dad. Recently had issues with his stepdad and had to leave the house, step dad doesn’t want him living in the house and boyfriend has been staying at my house for two weeks. His mum text him saying he had arguments with the stepdad and has kicked him from the bedroom so stepdad is sleeping in boyfriend room, so now he kinda have no room in the house. His mum text saying should I bring you your work clothes save you driving? I was like but you could go home as things should cool off now. I feel the mum doesn’t want him in the house but keeping quiet, whilst step dad is been voicing his out. I don’t want to live with him yet as I have kids and just not ready for living together and would prefer for us to be engaged before living together. We have been together for a year.

while he is trying to find another place to stay should I let him stay at my house and just worried eventually this will turn to living together without any proper discussion.

he has a job but bad credit for mortgage and just don’t understand why he wouldn’t rent. He’s been living there on off for 5 year after separation from his ex wife.

God 100% no

jesus = dont be a mug and chuck him out - then end the relationship adn raise your standards! he is a cocklodger! get rid!!

NO

Cocklodger alert 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

No.

Love it! How did you do that, BoiledBeetle?

Once is a one off
Three times is a habit.

Ffs 🤦‍♀️

I have no idea sometimes the cocklodger siren just translates itself onto the page in bigly letters.

😶

You lost me at 40 yr old 😂for Pete sakes op of course not!!!

Get rid of this man! Earns £70k yet can’t or won’t pay for a place of own, bad credit and gambles excessively. No wonder his parents wanted him out. Don’t be a mug and take him in. You’ll live to regret it if you do. He’s not going to be homeless as he has the funds to get a place of his own, he just doesn’t want to. He doesn’t sound like a keeper, where’s the future with someone like that?

Speaking as someone once engaged to a gambling addict do not marry this man. He will financially ruin you. It so very nearly happened to me and it took me years to sort my finances out again.

while he is trying to find another place to stay should I let him stay at my house and just worried eventually this will turn to living together without any proper discussion

Well that's what will happen if you let him stay.
He goes. ASAP. He has more than enough money to stay in a hotel for a few days until he sorts out a room to rent, or a rental property, whatever, not your problem. You have only been together and you have kids so it's far too soon.

This is classic hobosexual/cocklodger behaviour. The two things are closely related. Hobosexuals usually have some kind of "accommodation emergency" (eg. argument with the people they are living with, which seems to be the case here; landlord chucking them out, whatever). They then move in with a woman pretty quickly - if it's a relationship that's been going on quite a while then they simply make the woman feel sorry for them and then they are in. They are only going to stay for a few days/weeks until they get sorted - poor them, their flatmate/dad/stepdad/mum/brother was nasty to them, they did nothing wrong - but then they end up staying and it's hard to get rid of them. If they are in a new relationship or not in one at all they very quickly find someone and escalate it - I love you, never felt like this before etc. Oops - accommodation emergency - I know we've only been together 5 minutes but I love you so much and my nasty mean landlord is kicking me out so please can I just stay for a couple of weeks until I get sorted - as above, difficult to then get rid.

Many hobosexuals then turn into cocklodgers once they get their feet under the table. Yours sounds like a wannabe cocklodger in waiting - it's been 5 years since he separated from his wife and still doesn't have stable accommodation sorted despite earning 70K - he's scrounging off his mum and stepdad (how much rent does he pay them) and now that there's been arguments with the stepdad (probably wants his fucking house back!!) he's moving in on you.
He has not shown that he can provide for himself and run/pay for his own household. I bet he is doing fuck all around his Mum and stepdad's home as well. So you can see what he would be like if you allow him to move in with you.

And just so you know, what often happens with the hobosexual turned cocklodger is that they then have an "employment emergency" - eg. get fired, quit for a myriad of reasons (often quoting depression without actually making any effort to get help for the supposed depression). Then you've got them hanging around your home, not contributing financially, and doing fuck all around the place because they don't see why they should and if you start suggesting they look for new employment they get shirty.

That was a rather long post to say NOOOO fucking way. Get him out.

You’d be an absolute numbnut to let him move in.

Run.

His mum has offloaded him to you. She's probably been looking him hone for ages.

Let him pay his own rent. He's 40.

Run run run.

Your poor children.

Another mother allowing a waster move into their home.

Your poor children don't deserve this.

Do better and get this loser out.

No, get him out now, two weeks is plenty.

He doesn’t live with you, he needs to find somewhere else now.

Id probably end the relationship too. Do not get engaged to him - engagement leads to marriage and you do not want to marry and therefore merge finances with this man.

I’ve been on Mumsnet for years. Years. I have never seen a thread where it was obvious so quickly that a man was a cocklodger and bad news.

• 40 years old
• Bad credit
• couldn't sort the credit despite living with his parents for FIVE years
• Couldn’t sort out credit despite making £70K a year and £60K inheritance!!!
• Kicked out by his parents
• Parents don’t want him back (not a ‘cooldown’ fight)
• gambling addict (THREE £100 gambling spend notifications on his phone)
• Been a cocklodger before (OP said he’s “lived on and off with girlfriends”)
• OP has kids

🚩🚩🚩🚩
Look at that bunting of red flags floating in the breeze.

Usually these are red flag traits.

A man living with parents and between girlfriends is bad news.

He no doubt is love bombing you and saving his true charactor for later, the fact you are single with children is the reason he chose you.

I bet you pay for stuff he promises to pay back. He’ll be messaging other woman to find a bed for the night the min you kick him out .

don’t do this to yourself or your children.

Bet he’s not paying you rent either.

i wouldn’t have been attracted to him even before he got kicked out. He seems lazy, irresponsible, and spoiled. Which is very unattractive to me, so we wouldn’t have gotten to the issue of letting live with me.

Think of it his mum kicked him out quietly too. When he was coming to my house he had a back ache almost unbearable pain so was so surprised he drove 30mins to my house, a week later he was much better and when his mum text saying I will bring your work clothes don’t want you driving since you’re ill. but you watched him drove when he was in agonising pain. Doesn’t make sense

No way. Tell him it's time to leave this weekend. He's not homeless, he can sleep on Mum's sofa or find some other friend to cadge off.

THIS IS NOT THE MAN FOR YOU.

This seems to be a case of "a shit man is better than no man" Not the way to be when you have children. Your responsibilities and your allegiance should lie with them.
Get him out and rethink what you want your future to look like OP. He is NOT worth your time

I feel so, so sorry for your kids that you have brought this shit, loser of a man into their lives. What a tragedy.