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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend don’t have a place to stay, should I let him stay at my house.

280 replies

AmyJahabee · 20/01/2023 21:03

40year old Boyfriend live with mum and step dad. Recently had issues with his stepdad and had to leave the house, step dad doesn’t want him living in the house and boyfriend has been staying at my house for two weeks. His mum text him saying he had arguments with the stepdad and has kicked him from the bedroom so stepdad is sleeping in boyfriend room, so now he kinda have no room in the house. His mum text saying should I bring you your work clothes save you driving? I was like but you could go home as things should cool off now. I feel the mum doesn’t want him in the house but keeping quiet, whilst step dad is been voicing his out. I don’t want to live with him yet as I have kids and just not ready for living together and would prefer for us to be engaged before living together. We have been together for a year.

while he is trying to find another place to stay should I let him stay at my house and just worried eventually this will turn to living together without any proper discussion.

he has a job but bad credit for mortgage and just don’t understand why he wouldn’t rent. He’s been living there on off for 5 year after separation from his ex wife.

OP posts:
Sundelight · 20/01/2023 22:21

Charge him for staying there. See how quickly he moves out.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 20/01/2023 22:25

Just NO
DO NOT let him get too comfortable or you'll never get rid

onyttig · 20/01/2023 22:27

No.

He’s had 5 years to sort out a grown ip
housing arrangement. Now he’s fallen out with his mum and stepdad. He’s 40.

you don’t need this.

Nimbostratus100 · 20/01/2023 22:28

Please come back and tell us what's going to happen. We all want to hear he is leaving

murasaki · 20/01/2023 22:31

Absolutely not, are you mad? If his own mother won't have him, why do you want a cocklodger? You are better than this. Don't accept anyone unless on equal terms. Good luck getting rid.

Emmamoo89 · 20/01/2023 22:31

Nope

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/01/2023 22:34

Over my dead body

onyttig · 20/01/2023 22:36

He’s on £70k with no housing costs. He could have saved up an incredible deposit and sorted out his credit rating in the last 5 years.

Ask yourself where all his money is going?

Why hasn’t he managed to go straight out and rent himself a flat?

It’s not your job to house him. He’s not vulnerable or unable to house himself. He doesn’t want to.

Crimeismymiddlename · 20/01/2023 22:40

I hate to say, but he has already moved in-his parents have thrown him out. You will have a real job getting him to leave.
It’s a giant red flag that he has the means to live independently, and well but chose to live in his parents house.

piedbeauty · 20/01/2023 22:43

No!!! You are not his keeper. Do not feel responsible for him.

thecatsmum12346 · 20/01/2023 22:45

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/01/2023 21:04

Absolutely no fucking way. Don’t be a mug. You’ll never get rid of him and you’ve got to prioritise your children.

This….he sounds like a no hoper. Get rid

alwaysmovingforwards · 20/01/2023 22:46

Wow, he sounds like a catch!

absolutelyincandescentwithrage · 20/01/2023 22:47

No!

Those red flags scream cocklodger with something like a gambling problem. How the hell can he earn £70k a year, live at home with mum, have received an inheritance and still have bad credit?

You deserve shit mum of the year award if you don't give him his marching orders. Your poor kids.

AnotherFamilyUpset · 20/01/2023 22:51

Why on earth wouldn't he want to rent somewhere even if he's away with work some of the time, especially if he's dating.

He should have racked up a massive amount of savings over 5 years that he probably could buy a little flat without a mortgage!!

Icepinkeskimo · 20/01/2023 22:52

Please don’t let him move in, as so many have said he’s a cocklodger.

Stomacharmeleon · 20/01/2023 23:01

Not a chance....

mackthepony · 20/01/2023 23:09

Naw

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 20/01/2023 23:16

Actually I think he’s got gambling issues I have seen on his phone screen three times showing his bank alert spending at least £100 on online betting on both occasions I have seen on his phone. Possibly he earned so much but gambled it all. I have only just found out last week so I haven’t confront him and didn’t want to conclude as it could be one off.

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/01/2023 23:20

I was just coming to say, he's a gambling addict.

You need to end the relationship. Maybe you like/love him but that's not the main consideration when you have kids to prioritize. We can't always have everything we want.

Tell him he has to be out ASAP. When he's gone, wish him well and move on. Focus on stability for your children and yourself.

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2023 23:20

No
No
No
No
No
No
No
No

GlassBunion · 20/01/2023 23:20

It isn't a one off.
He ( until now) lives with his parents, has a poor credit rating and is 40 years old???!!!

Move on.

JorisBonson · 20/01/2023 23:20

How old are you OP?

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2023 23:20

NO

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2023 23:21

DO NOT LET THIS MAN MOVE INTO YOUR HOUSE NOOOOOOOOOOO

GabriellaMontez · 20/01/2023 23:23

He's not homeless. Flat share, lodger, rent, airbnb. Not your problem.

Look after yourself and your children.

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