Inviting others on a trip we paid for?

[Wantsummerback]

Please tell me your thoughts on this, me and DH are so wound up about it. We have booked a trip for parents in law and they are inviting other people at our expense. I appreciate we have gifted it them and they can do what they want with it.

but it just feels such a slap in the face! We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

You posted about this before and in that post you mentioned SIL had form for this. YABU to buy a gift that you know will almost certainly end up with SIL getting herself invited, and then complaining about it. Don't buy them a trip away in future if it's going to anger you so much when this happens - you knew it would.

Hold your own boundaries but stop trying to control other people.

This other person is someone you don't like right? Do your parents in law know that? Invited him/her anyway? Tactless at the very least. I'd say mention how you feel to your parents in law when you are sober again. Try to be kind but clear. When you designed the lovely treat, you weren't intending this person to benefit. No need to say why or escalate the situation. Chances are your parents in law will
Withdraw their invitation when they understand Remember "I" words only. Do talk. Dont let it fester.
sa

They’re inviting people you don’t like and you’re upset. What a control freak don’t offer them ‘gifts’ again

Your sister in law is clearly struggling to live independently as an adult. Her parents obviously love her very much and are clearly happy for her to tag along free of charge. You and your husband resent his sister and her needy behaviour. Her behaviour is causing anger and resentment but to ameliorate these feelings why not instead focus on the pleasure your PIL will receive from your gift and feel sympathy for the rather sad lonely sister in law as she will never have the life that you enjoy.

The other person needs to now pay half just phone them and tell them!!

Ils are enabling her to be a freeloader. You need to be as cunning to make sure this is the last time.

I remember your last post OP. It is a bit galling that your PIL have done this but its a gift and really they can do what they like with it. Best not to buy presents like this again.
Also, there is some reason for SIL's resentment. Why for example was she "dragged" out to come and admire your new car?
Don't put yourselves or her in that position again. If she gets fed up with the things you have and it makes her feel sad that she doesn't have those things- why expect her to be full of compliments and "happy" for you? Particularly if she's dragged out and expected to come out with pleasantries. I think thats actually quite unfair.
Just don't bring it up in conversation and this won't be an issue and tell MIL to stop the whole performance too.
It doesn't sound like you like her much, and she clearly knows it,
so step back, be neutral and leave her and MIL to sort themselves out and try not to get involved in this stuff in future and you'll find that eases the situation considerably.

This. As per your explanation on your other thread, she clearly has issues and the dynamics are complicated. Didn’t you say on your other thread you forced her to come out and she struggles to get into a relationship? She’s obviously needs support emotionally so it’s a bit more than her tagging along for a free holiday.

Text her and say you and husband are now going so she can’t! As you paid for the trip she can simply buggar off!
I think you need to tell in laws that
youre pissed off about it. You can’t expect them to just know

What a lovely gift and if they want to invite others at no expense to you, let them! You may have thought they would value it on their own but seems they would like company while also having time to themselves. Their decision, feel happy you have created this for them. X

Slightly off topic, but... does this remind anyone of that episode of the Royale family when Anthony buys Jim and Barbara a caravan holiday. Then Denise and David tag along?

If the extra person isn't costing you extra, just go with the flow. However, if an extra person WILL add to the expense, your in-laws can cover the cost. Make that clear. If the extra person becomes an irritant (i.e., tries to change the itinerary, complains about the accommodations/food/service, attempts to cross boundaries), take your in-laws aside and let them know that this is unacceptable, period, and they need to deal with it. Now. Once you get home, explain to them that this isn't the first time their friend has tried to score a free trip. Hopefully they will think twice about inviting them along in the future. Just my thoughts, for what they're worth (I can't stand mooches,either!)

Your SIL does sound like a PITA but ultimately, it’s your PIL who aren’t setting boundaries and invited her on this trip. If they didn’t want her to come, they shouldn’t have invited her.

Just make sure that the chef is booked for only two people (an extra person will have to pay for themselves). We recently bought theatre tickets for DH’s parents and if someone else wants to come along, they’ll have to buy their own ticket!

I dont see how any of it is your business. You can't attach your own rules and conditions to gifts!

This thread is ridiculously hard to follow.

You claimed early on that this was a male relative but now apparently it's your SIL and there's some other thread that everyone is supposed to know about?

Poor form, op.

Ask a question giving all the pertinent facts or don't ask at all.

Maybe the SIL was BIL at the start of the tread and has come out as trans !

So you are paying for everything? Is booking fully in your name and deposit for cleaning/any damage chargeable to you then or inlaws?
This is what I'd be unhappy about!

ADVICE
Don't post if you've had a drink (or two) because we will have to ask you multiple questions to understand what exactly you meant. 😂

I don't understand the issue, to be honest. If PIL have invited her along, she's hardly muscling in, is she? You're just pissed off that she's getting a free holiday. Let go of the grudge you have against her, and try to understand that her parents love her and want to include her. You don't sound very kind.

@aloeleaf
I couldn't do that. It would irritate me far too much, however, I take my hat off to you and others who might be of like mind.

Exactly this.

I think it’s the principle of it, @PollyAmour . Her DH buys a thoughtful present for his parents and then his sister whines until she gets invited along. It’s not a great way to treat your parents.

Plus the OP says that her SIL has form for getting herself invited along on holidays at others’ expense.

It’s similar to one of my DH’s sisters, who cadges financial and practical help from his parents and it does annoys him, tbh. Yes, they always give in/offer to help her, but what irritates my DH is that his sister is even asking elderly people in their 80’s to help her out- at what point, will she start “giving back” or helping them out abit? He doesn’t like seeing his parents treated like that, IYSWIM. Same with the OP’s in-laws.

You've posted before about the odd family dynamics involving your SIL.

Given the history and how everyone reacts why did you buy a gift whereby there was even the option of her going?

If you wanted to get them an experience you could have got two theatre tickets.

This is the family dynamics. You can rail against it and get cross.

Or you can just accept it is how it will be, and adapt behavior accordingly

He doesn’t like seeing his parents treated like that, IYSWIM.

Yes, but you cannot control your parents’ relationships with their other children. And I’m not sure you should try to, unless there’s abuse happening.