Inviting others on a trip we paid for?

[Wantsummerback]

Please tell me your thoughts on this, me and DH are so wound up about it. We have booked a trip for parents in law and they are inviting other people at our expense. I appreciate we have gifted it them and they can do what they want with it.

but it just feels such a slap in the face! We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

If you booked the cabin for two people you'll need to inform the owner/agency if there's three people going as it can affect insurance on the property and also for safety reasons. If there was an emergency the owners would need to know how many people are staying so they can be accounted for. Not telling them would be a breach of the contract.

are you the same person who posted recently about your sil not letting you and your husband do things as a couple and she falls out with you when you do things just the two of you?

That's a brilliant suggestion.

Please do this.

If you don't say it to your PiL, contact SiL and/or BiL and say this. You've heard that they have told PiL (don't say which one of them) that they will be joining them on the trip and their part of the gift to PiL is now £X. You'll expect the money in your account by the end of the day, otherwise the venue will downsize (they won't because you won't actually end up contacting them) PiL to a smaller more intimate lodge for the two of them only.

Also, well done @PurpleEmpress - well spotted!

That is for the PIL to do. If the OP or her DH ring they will end up paying. I would however be tempted to ring the place myself to tell them what was being planned and that any extra costs weren’t down to me. I do wonder where the SIL thinks she is going to sleep, might be only a double bed and some chairs there. Suppose she could always sleep in the hot tub all night

As far as I know when you book a cottage you have to give names of the people staying.We have had to do this in the past.
Did you book property for 2 people as some letting charge a lower rate for 2 even if they have 2 bedrooms eg: beds may not all be made up!

This is also a good suggestion!

Email the company you have booked the gift for and tell them you and DH are covering the cost for your in-laws as it is a gift from you to them but you have got wind of the fact that another person might be tagging along but you won’t be covering any of the third persons costs. And ask them to discreetly make yr in-laws aware. They are in the hospitality business-it should not be a problem to them.

This. As a pp said, it’s like complaining when you buy someone a box of chocolates if they hand them round and share them.

This is their decision, maybe they will find it more fun with friends. If they are retired they probably spend alot of time together anyway. So relax and learn from this, don't buy them another present like that. They are happy, you have done the right thing and they will have a lovely time. What's not to like.

I totally get where the OP's coming from on this,it's the kind of CF stunt my sister and her husband would pull.

You have to get your husband to have a word with his sister. She has zero cop on about piggybacking on to a trip away for your parents ONLY.

He needs to read her the riot act. So what if the shit hits the fan? She's been taking liberties and overstepping way too often.

Sometimes it needs something like this to be the final straw and for situations to change.

She is a cheeky fucker that ranks up there with the Mexican House thief, except she is just a brazen cheeky fucker!

I think it best to stay out of your PIL and their relationship with their daughter. If they are happy to invite their daughter or they feel obligated, then it is their issue.

You've paid for it, it's up to them to pay any extra charges/try to figure out arrangements when there isn't a bed for SIL and the chef only cooks for 2. 🤷‍♀️

A little bit of nuanced thinking helps.

The OP wouldn’t mind the box of chocolates being shared. I highly doubt she would even mind them inviting someone else to stay in the house with PIL.

It’s the particular, ever-present free-loader that’s causing the issue.

I never understand why people apply such black and white thinking to these threads, always in a rush to tell clearly frustrated people they’re being unreasonable.

I’m assuming this is the in the closet SIL. Just leave them to it. If you are bothered then just book a trip for in laws again. (And stop telling them when you are going away).

Your mil is enabling her unfortunately.

Ordinarily I would say that if you give someone a gift then it’s theirs to do with or share as they please.

However, given your previous thread and the history and context here, I don’t blame you for being monumentally pissed off. I certainly would be.

I think the issue now is that if you raise it with PILs, they’ll get upset and defensive and say “well, you take it back then if it’s going to cause unpleasantness”.

The moral of this story is don’t buy them any gift which has even the remotest chance of being shared with SIL.

Seems a bit petty, you don't like the people they've invited? If it's a present you gave them and it's not costing you any extra - it's their gift to do as they wish with. Seems you need to sort your issues out with the person "who's wormed his way onto a free trip". Life's too short to get so upset about the business of others. If you've had a Drink, I'm sorry but I don't think it suits you - seems to make you bitter and miserable. That's how this comes across to a 3rd party anyway x x

CFers! I feel your frustration. These sorts of situations really irritate me. It’s not decent, thoughtful behaviour by any of the 4 going.

But, have you considered the PIL may not want a weekend away for just the two of them? (I couldn’t think of anything worse, tbh.)

Yes, this, OP. Ts and Cs often say "no overnight guests", which is effectively what she would e.

Is there a sofa bed or something? As I assumed you booked a one bed cottage for the two of them?

I'd feel the same throughout the whole ordeal and also have siblings who take advantage of my parents & like free rides too.
It's hard but completely out of your control once you've gifted it. Just like if you gift them a hamper and they share out the contents with your siblings or even re-gift your entire gift to them. Normally you wouldnt know if this happens so wouldn't feel hurt, so this brazen one would sting xx

OP, was this the SIL who is single and insists on going on every holiday with you and DH?

Don't be ridiculous, of course it's not.

OPs SIL is a persistent freeloader who hasn't grown up and never contributes to anything.

I'm not surprised OP and her DH are pissed off, but if PILs keep on enabling this behaviour it won't stop.

OP and DH will have to be more attentive to detail next time they treat PILs and make sure SIL can't muscle in.

You've gifted something. Now relinquish control. It's not yours any more.

I can’t see why you’re upset. You gifted your inlaws a lovely log cabin, and they’ve invited someone else to go with them. Is that right ? How does this affect you ? So long as they have a good time, sure that’s all that matters.