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AIBU?

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Original poster

Inviting others on a trip we paid for?

279 replies

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:09

Please tell me your thoughts on this, me and DH are so wound up about it. We have booked a trip for parents in law and they are inviting other people at our expense. I appreciate we have gifted it them and they can do what they want with it.

but it just feels such a slap in the face! We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

OP posts:
ComfortablyDazed · 21/01/2023 18:48

The hard of thinking are out in force on this thread…….

Maray1967 · 21/01/2023 18:49

LolaMoon · 21/01/2023 18:02

I get why you are annoyed but why do you keep gifting them trips if you know the SIL constantly muscles in on them? its clearly annoying you and you KNOW she has form for this and does it constantly. So, FGS stop gifting them things she can manipulate her way in on. Get them a physical gift next time that is specific to only them that she cannot grab for herself and that she will have no interest in. I dont understand why you would pick this gift KNOWING what will inevitably happen? and KNOWING that this would irritate you?

Or get them something like theatre tickets if they like that - and just buy two! Or a hotel room for two!

Pupinski · 21/01/2023 19:00

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:25

@SavoirFlair yes thank you 🤣

I probably am being petty but me and DH just think it’s a joke. This isn’t the first time this person has tried to sponge a free trip.

Did they invite themselves or were they invited by your parents in law because your PiL would enjoy their company?

What do you mean they aren't even going together?

Seems to me YABU - it's not much of a gift if it's not given with good grace, and has conditions attached...

wizzywig · 21/01/2023 19:01

@Dartmoorcheffy please do an ama.. I bet you have some juicy stories to tell

Blossomtoes · 21/01/2023 19:01

ComfortablyDazed · 21/01/2023 18:48

The hard of thinking are out in force on this thread…….

You mean people who don’t agree with you and OP.

user1497782758 · 21/01/2023 19:03

I mean, I guess it's up to them if they want to invite her, but at the same time it makes me feel sad for your PILs that they can't even enjoy a weekend together without feeling obligated/being guilt-tripped into having her tag along... As a grown woman, she needs to try and sort herself out if she's lonely or depressed and stop being such a burden on them...

Noononoo · 21/01/2023 19:03

you don’t like this man and you have found out he is benefiting from your generosity of course you’re peed off.
but what a lovely present. I think we all have non payers in our groups. They usually have to be very entertaining. I find them tiresome too.

Original poster
Wantsummerback · 21/01/2023 19:07

So we can’t buy anything for PIL now incase SIL muscles in again it’s insane!. It’s not even the fact she’s going it’s all the slyness behind it. She said oh I’ve booked mon Tuesday and Wednesday off (the days we booked for PIL) how bloody convenient. The more digging we do we find out she’s going. it’s sad and desperate!!

if PIL really wanted her to come I can appreciate that, but it’s the fact MIL is saying she feels sorry for her. She usually mopes around when she wants an invite so that’s what she has done.

OP posts:
Twazique · 21/01/2023 19:13

Next time book a surprise trip!

Noshowlomo · 21/01/2023 19:15

Yes what @Twazique said. A surprise trip and keep xx dates free and that’s all you can say as it’s a surprise! And if SIL tries to muscle in you can’t say anything about it as it will ruin the surprise

JemimaTiggywinkles · 21/01/2023 19:20

You sound overly invested tbh. If PIL are happy for their daughter to tag along then that’s up to them. If they aren’t happy but would rather bring her than have her moping around that is also up to them. Stop trying to interfere with how they handle their daughter - it is their business.

I have a sister like your SIL and I’m honestly so much happier now I’ve taken a massive step back! Took me about a year but I no longer get wound up by her antics - I just shrug and ignore.

Wonnle · 21/01/2023 19:25

If you feel that wound up about a FLP going as well as the 2 people you bought the break for just cancel it

Jobs a good un

Ragruggers · 21/01/2023 19:30

There may be an extra charge if the original booking is for 2 and you want to add an extra.Check the invoice.I wanted to add a child for 3 nights and they wanted £125 for a sofabed.I cancelled.The chef will only cater for 2 people.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/01/2023 19:35

At this point @Wantsummerback , what I would do is cancel this cabin.

Make up some excuse to PiL (especially MiL) saying that there has been an event at the lodge and they can't actually stay there after all and you'll do your very best to arrange an alternative location. Tell her you'll let her know the day before but to still be packed.

Book somewhere else. A hotel with a hot-tub or jacuzzi in the room or a hotel with a spa treatment and just don't tell her where. She'll have to break the news to SiL that her trip is off.
If you can, drive your PiL to the location so they can't tell anyone.
Make sure that their phones are off and that all types of tracking on the phone is turned off.
Deliver them to the posh hotel and tell them that they are to have fun - minus SiL!

T1Dmama · 21/01/2023 19:36

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:35

Well we are going round to PIL tomorrow DH said he’s going to bring it up.

but I’ve just come here to ask whether we are being selfish knobs. But then as I said this person keeps doing this.

I would tell the in-laws that the present was a gift / getaway for the 2 of them and that since the other person refuses to buy gifts you’re both utterly pissed off that he/she is now benefitting from your generosity …. I would tell them straight that you won’t be buying in future since people who are right arses seem to do better out of the arrangement than those that actually bother

SeeYouNextTLol · 21/01/2023 19:36

You can’t give a present and expect to control how they use it. That is fucked up. Don’t ‘gift’ them shit next time.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/01/2023 19:38

Your DH needs to have a word with his mother too - that this was a gift for her and his dad only and having SiL tag along wasn't on the card and why she feels she has to extend an invite to the SiL who whinges that she has a need to tag along on things that she isn't actually invited on?

Goinglocodowninsainsburyslocal · 21/01/2023 19:39

Can you pay for an extra romance package or anything like that? Something to signify on arrival that it was explicitly for PIL?

misssunshine4040 · 21/01/2023 19:42

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:28

We are furious, we keep going round in circles asking ourselves if we are being knobs. Or is this person just continuing to muscle in on everything for a free trip!

You are being out of order. You gifted the cabin, your in laws can take what they want and do what they want.
You don't get a say, it's a gift and it's being enjoyed they way they want it

Divorcedalongtime · 21/01/2023 19:42

The more I. Read of your hatred for your SIL the more obnoxious you seem. You must really dislike your SIL, it’s not healthy to be this angry about such a tiny issue. It’s not your right to dictate how other people spend their time.

Goinglocodowninsainsburyslocal · 21/01/2023 19:42

Or a bouquet with a note saying

we hope you enjoy your time alone mil and fil. Have a lovely few d

ays

Missingpop · 21/01/2023 19:43

Dh needs a chat with his little sis; to tell to stop being such a flakey; sly little butch & that she’s not going on the trip it’s a trip strictly for their parents to enjoy a relaxing break without her miserable mug weighing them down x
Next time buy them a box of chocolates

Original poster
Wantsummerback · 21/01/2023 19:48

@Divorcedalongtime dont hate her, I’m frustrated that she’s done this kind of thing again. I’ve been good friends with her for years but I’m exhausted. The silent treatment making us feel bad!

the fact she expected us to pay an extra £300 for her to come on holiday with us. When we refused she gave us silent treatment for a good week.

her jealousy whenever we get a new car/job anything she can’t bare it. She couldn’t even bare to come and look at our new car MIL basically dragged her out.When she got hers we was happy for her!

DH told her the other day the reason she hasn’t been invited on our holiday this time is because we want to spend time together. Even then she couldn’t grasp why she wasn’t invited..

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 21/01/2023 19:57

You've got a PIL problem, especially your MIL.
It's up to her to say no to this CF daughter.

Does she favor the daughter over your DH?

rainyskylight · 21/01/2023 20:00

Bit brutal, but has anyone tried telling her that she needs to get her own life rather than piggy backing on other people’s? Stop tip toeing around her!