Inviting others on a trip we paid for?

[Wantsummerback]

Please tell me your thoughts on this, me and DH are so wound up about it. We have booked a trip for parents in law and they are inviting other people at our expense. I appreciate we have gifted it them and they can do what they want with it.

but it just feels such a slap in the face! We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

If this is a singles trip i am assuming the place one bed & if so where is freeloading sibling sleeping when they are there with the PIL?
Your PIL are enablers in this situation. As long as they let sibling freeload sibling will continue to behave this way.
Personally I’d ask sibling to contribute a percentage to the holiday gift then PIL can put that towards another trip. Only fair she pays her way.

DH visited them today, he said they didn’t really say much so they obviously didn’t agree with what he had to say. So it is what it is they obviously want her to go. He said PIL don’t really seem that bothered about going either.

really wish we never booked it now, but I guess you live and you learn. In all honesty I feel like cancelling it or using it ourselves.

Chalk it up to experience and move on. Maybe next year a nice magazine subscription or National Trust Membership.

N ver mind, OP, you tried and it was a lovely thought.

Then OP would get pissed off because Mil lent her daughter her card. 😂

Just read your latest, what a shame. It was a lovely gift and yes I would be tempted to go myself if your PIL aren’t that fussed about going.

I like the idea upthread about you taking your MIL somewhere nice and your DH takes his DF for future years. Whatever their special interests are and take them on surprise magical mystery days. (If you were feeling extra kind another day’s jolly just for your SI)

SIL even

Ah i'm sorry to hear that OP. Pare it down next time, they don't appreciate extravagant gestures.

Thank you!

just spoke to SIL she said we snaked her by not inviting her on our trip so she’s snaking us back. So that was her plan all along! Absolutely vile nasty bitter individual!Washing my hands with her.

Does your SIL have any friends @Wantsummerback?
Do you think she might have some mental health issues?

She wanted to join you and your husband on a family holiday where it would have just been the three of you?

Good grief. You snaked get by not paying for her to go with you so she's snaked you by going on another holiday you've paid for. What does she say when you just point out that not paying for her isn't snaking her and why does she feel so entitled to go on everyone else's holiday.

OK, that’s downright weird behavior. Just leave it, Op, don’t engage with her.

@RampantIvy she doesn’t anymore but I find she can be quite mean to them and pushes them away. If they get married or move in with their partners or get pregnant she doesn’t like it kind of thing and is always trying to give them advice or put them off.

@Ginger1982 yep she wanted to come away with me and hubby for 2 nights to Amsterdam. The whole reason we booked it was because we needed a break as we’re constantly running after the kids and both busy with work. So she was upset we didn’t invite her.

She sounds so unhinged Op - appreciate she's your DHs sister, but you d be avoiding at all costs if I were you.

I'd also see about getting a refund or going on the trip instead of your PIL if that was possible, given it doesn't seem like they actually want to go.

*I'd be avoiding

I agree that she sounds unhinged, but I wouldn’t bother trying to get a refund, just let them get on with it and never arrange a similar gift for them.

Looking forward, your DH should talk to his parents about setting up Powers of Attorney in case they’re ever unable to manage their financial affairs or make decisions related to their healthcare. His sister sounds manipulative and as if she might not act in their best interests- he needs to protect them.

That’s mad. What did you say to her exactly for her to come out with that? Sounds like she was straight on the defence.
I wouldn’t book any more trips for PILs but start booking loads for yourself, and she won’t be coming on any of them!

Cancel the trip and don't buy anything like that for your PIL anymore.

Cancel the booking and get your PiL a nice bottle of something and some chocolates.
Tell them as they didn’t seem bothered you cancelled it to save them the trouble and got them something they could enjoy at home.
SiL will be furious but tough shit!
And distance yourself from her… and don’t tell her your plans.

I know how annoying this is - I have a family member who never has any money, so not only have I ended up paying for her to come on holiday on several occasions (more for the sake of her kids than her as otherwise they wouldn't get a holiday) but she's regularly brought along whoever the latest boyfriend is, and needless to say, they've never offered me any money towards the accomodation I've paid for for my family member. Once she also brought along the then-boyfriend's uncle, too. That made for an awkward trip.

It is taking the p*ss but we do these things to keep the family peace. You have my sympathy OP!

Stop the drinking and think about what you want to say. We aren't mind readers. Perhaps because you are cross about the situation, as you see it, it is clouding your thinking. Try looking at the problem from someone else's perspective after getting all the facts and reasons put forward. Don't just assume you know the facts or reasons, ask. Often it is a wrong assumption that causes the misunderstanding.

The above is a good idea along with the PPs who suggested a magazine subscription and arranging POA.

In the future you could just say you are visiting them and when you do, take them out somewhere nice for an outing or a meal. Don’t let them know your plans in advance. Don’t even let on that you have anything planned. Arrange yourselves as many holidays as you like but don’t tell PILs or SIL until you get back. You can’t rely on them not to tell her. I would have recommended including her with a National Trust membership, but after what she said to you, I’d go low contact instead.

How is your DH not furious at his sister pulling a stunt like this because she wasn't 'allowed' or 'invited' to crash your romantic trip away before? That is really really low.

If I were him, I'd be making pretty damn sure that I had POA and any other bits and pieces I might need in the case of either parent being unwell and unable to make decisions about health or other things.

Then he needs to read her the riot act and so what if she doesn't speak to you again - you've got the peace and quiet you need from her side of things.

Do people actually speak like this?!
people over 13 I mean 🤣
I would definitely avoid her from now on.