Inviting others on a trip we paid for?

[Wantsummerback]

Please tell me your thoughts on this, me and DH are so wound up about it. We have booked a trip for parents in law and they are inviting other people at our expense. I appreciate we have gifted it them and they can do what they want with it.

but it just feels such a slap in the face! We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

I would tell them a extra adult will cost an extra ( whatever price you paid ) ask them for the money and enjoy a day out lol that’s so cheeky

Yes, the only thing you need to do is communicate directly with the chef to confirm that you’ve only hired him to cook for two people and if the guests wish to include others, they’ll have to pay.

As upthread, if he's not on the booking form he isn't going; they'll have to contact the company/person with whom you booked the accommodation to add him, then pay extra for the breakfast.

Also worth noting that there might be an additional charge for more bedding etc. Just make sure you don't pay it.

It's also worth noting that your PIL might not feel so comfortable heading off to a log cabin with hot tub together. Maybe they do lots of their own things and might struggle to be alone together away from home? Maybe the tag along is actually a coping thing, like a shared interest breaking the ice??

@Wantsummerback

Oh, this is the SiL from that 'SiL thread'?

Well, you must have sort of suspected this would happen based on past experiences.

I can understand your frustration, but once you give someone a gift, unless you've set conditions on it, it's theirs to do with as they wish whether you resent it or not. For that, I think you need to just grit your teeth and remember never to gift your iLs any kind of trip unless it's locked in to the number of 'guests'. That way, if they want to let SiL horn in, they'd have to pony up the difference.

The cabin isn't costing you more, so I'd be able to let that go unless there's a 'linens charge' or something.

As far as the chef, I don't know exactly how that works. Wouldn't you pay ahead for the number of people being catered for and he/she buys the food based on that? Or do you hire the chef and he/she then bills you for the food? But in either case, yes, I'd definitely tell the chef that you are paying for food for TWO only and that if any 'extras' show up, you are not paying for them and he'd have to collect from the iLs. And then I'd tell your iLs exactly that.

Or you could go for the 'nuclear option' and cancel the whole trip citing SiL as the reason. Then rebook something she can't horn in on.

I would check the terms of the booking. Sometimes the price is extra if someone else goes. Generally it’s per house but I have seen occasionally ‘priced is based on x people, extra adult is x price’. Especially when there is hot tub or anything that could mean more gas/elec/hot water is used.

At least that’s what you could tell them, or type up in the fake T&Cs you make. Then say you need the extra as they may take it from your deposit.

Are you the painter who was barked with the SIL joining holidays and so deliberately booked the PIL a break without her?
If it’s not costing you extra, it’s really up to you PIL how and who they want to holiday with

I would say ‘sorry, crossed wires, we won’t all fit in if SIL is there too’, pretend you are going with PIL’s and then ‘oh dear, how ill are we’ - at the very last minute.

My DIL invited her parents to a ‘romantic, first anniversary stay’ that we paid for. Just what our DS & DIL needed….

M

The chef will absolutely want more money for feeding another person.

You need to make it clear that you won't be paying for her and the PILs shouldn't either!!

She really is an entitled little madam, isn't she?!

So it's a BIL?

This is some messed up stuff. You’re way overthinking this.

This is spot on.

I'm in Australia but assume the same system operates in the UK in that you're paying per head - if another person turns up you'll be charged for them.
Also are the 3 of them going to share a meal for 2?
Because if it's very "cheffy" food it will be beautiful but not hearty!
You can't stop them taking the third person but just make it clear that person 3 will be paying any extra costs.

I think it’s a SIL from the other thread?

It is annoying OP - I can see why you think they’ve wormed their way into having a present - a fabulous one at that- at your expense without buying a thing for anyone

I remember your other post, and your DH had gone round to see SiL to make sure she was ok as she was sulking…..

You know what she is like, so you must have thought she would end up inviting herself along…
Next time, just gift your in laws a present rather than a treat she can tag along with. If they choose to take her there is nothing you can do.

Did the booking specify chef for 2 persons?

What does not giving Christmas presents have to do with anything? I’m so confused

Aside from it being annoying, it's really weird that SIL has muscled her way on to her parents trip away. I cannot imagine wanting to do the same.

If they wanted extra company then they should've invited your husband!

Because the trip hijacker is a tight fucker who doesn't give gifts, but wants to benefit from a gift that wasn't intended for them.

I remember my husband bought an anniversary gift (a Groupon voucher) for a meal in a particular world cuisine. I reminded dh his mum is pretty unadventurous with food but he said his dad would like it and checked there would be English food options for his mum. DH booked it and gave it them but a couple of months later we found out his sister and her husband used it. They told us after we gave them an anniversary gift. Smug as anything "we now scored two gifts off you" they told us my husband's parents gave them the obvious unwanted gift voucher. I know it's not the same situation, but I've always found sil and bil really annoying after this occasion. Pil would of been mortified we found out but I was annoyed with them too.

If your PIL are going to enjoy the trip, let it go. They can choose to enjoy the trip however they like.

If you think they'll enjoy it less because of the new arrangement that it the only reason you have to feel cranky about.

YABU.

Honestly, you both sound like nightmares. Giving a gift-which is very thoughtful and nice and I'm sure your PILs appreciated-but then trying to dictate how they spend it. When you give a gift, it's theirs to do as they wish with it and if that means allowing an additional person to come along with them, so be it.

If it's not costing you or your DH extra, why are you bothered? Just make it clear if there are any unexpected additional costs-that SIL/BIL must cover the difference.

I understand that it can be annoying feeling like the person tags along a lot-but if it is the SIL from the previous thread, it sounds like she's very lonely and chances are your PILs are aware of this and want to help as most parents would in that situation. You can dictate your own interactions with SIL but sadly for you you can't dictate their interactions with SIL.

Don't spoil the gift for your PIL by having a go at them, although a gentle reminder that the gift was meant for them to enjoy some time alone would be fine. You could also make them aware that the personal chef will most likely charge more for an extra person (no doubt they would end up forking out), or not cater for her at all.

It's the SIL that needs telling to back off. Who cares if she throws a tantrum or goes in a huff? Frankly, fuck her and her cheeky freeloading fuckery!

This.
Although I would probably get annoyed at SIL and might say something subtly (if I genuinely thought PIL might like to be alone)