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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting others on a trip we paid for?

279 replies

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:09

Please tell me your thoughts on this, me and DH are so wound up about it. We have booked a trip for parents in law and they are inviting other people at our expense. I appreciate we have gifted it them and they can do what they want with it.

but it just feels such a slap in the face! We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 20/01/2023 19:47

C

Cheesetoastiesz · 20/01/2023 19:48

So none of this is extra at your expense.

Get a grip op

converseandjeans · 20/01/2023 19:54

I don't think it's going to cost you any more. However I can see why you're annoyed. Would you have wanted to join them?

Maybe they just find it more fun to go with other people.

Who is it they are taking - family or friends?

PurpleEmpress · 20/01/2023 19:55

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4715288-sil-upset-when-we-dont-invite-her-places?reply=122911903

Very similar to this recent thread. Is it your SIL OP?

anyolddinosaur · 20/01/2023 19:55

In as nice a way as I can manage - if you really didnt want this to happen and you knew there was form you'd have booked somewhere that only had room for You are feeling bad over your lack of forethought. You can express disappointment to the inlaws that was meant to be just for them has been hijacked but you'll come across as petty.

Winterfellismyhome · 20/01/2023 19:56

I thought the same @PurpleEmpress

MenaiMna · 20/01/2023 19:56

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:35

Well we are going round to PIL tomorrow DH said he’s going to bring it up.

but I’ve just come here to ask whether we are being selfish knobs. But then as I said this person keeps doing this.

Yep he needs to bring up that if they want company you two are going as you've paid for it. And if BIL (known henceforth out loud in all family conversations by the nickname as "the CCF": cunty cheeky fucker) does manage to muscle in absolutely advise chef in advance they're NOT ALLOWED to cook for four people or you'll cancel their contract altogether.
Excuse me I'm in a mood today about CFs in my life.

Rosalindisafuckingnightmare · 20/01/2023 19:57

I do think it makes a difference who this is:

PILs friends, doesn’t cost you any extra. A little cheeky maybe but basically OK. Awkward with the chef thing but that’s their lookout.

BIL/SIL with freeloading tendencies who advocated no gifts, much less acceptable! Actually love the idea of messaging them and saying given that they’ve changed their mind on gifts for adults could they transfer a share!

ComfortablyDazed · 20/01/2023 20:01

We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

I don’t understand this bit ^^ @Wantsummerback

So is just one of your PIL going with someone? Their child?

And one of your PIL missing out?

Original poster
Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 20:07

@ComfortablyDazed no they are both still going but the place we found was lovely for a couple to spend time together. It wasn’t for a couple and a big adult baby that goes everything with them.

@PurpleEmpress yes!!

OP posts:
UncleQuentinsWife · 20/01/2023 20:07

I don't think you should be getting to the bottom' of anything. You've given them a present, thats the end of your involvement.

RampantIvy · 20/01/2023 20:07

All you need to do is tell the chef that the cabin was booked for two people. and therefore he only caters for two people. Job done.

JenniferBarkley · 20/01/2023 20:10

"Oh how nice of BIL to contribute! We did get a little carried away and go over budget, how wonderful of him to recognise that. We'll send him the bill for his half tomorrow, how generous of him."

I mean, you shouldn't. But you must be tempted.

Next time, only presents that can't be shared.

niugboo · 20/01/2023 20:13

do the parents care?

gamerchick · 20/01/2023 20:15

Tbf OP you kind of knew this was coming. My sticking point would be the personal chef. An extra adult might bump up the bill?

FlissyPaps · 20/01/2023 20:20

The only way this is going to stop OP, is by people stopping telling the CF their plans.

If they don’t know about it, they can’t invite themselves and intrude.

Your PIL need to assert some boundaries and have the balls to tell this CF that this is their trip to spend quality time together.

It your PIL are happy with an extra person there, then you have no leg to stand on.

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/01/2023 20:21

I know you’re a bit pissed OP but get a grip and tell your husband to do the same.

It’s none of your business, and the fact that your PILs are inviting people means that they will enjoy it more, not less - making it more of a gift. Not everyone enjoys things in the same way - just because you’d like a quiet time doesn’t mean they do. Taking it as a slap in the face is totally illogical.

Do all you can to stop your husband bringing it up, it will at least taint if not ruin the gift for them.

Lollypop701 · 20/01/2023 20:22

Did you post about this before? Is it sil? You knew already this would happen. Next time it’s a hotel room for 2. You can’t control other people or what they do, only your reactions (oh snd what you book!) if you have posted yes sil is a cf and you need to manage this

StaunchMomma · 20/01/2023 20:22

Is it one of DH's siblings that is worming their way in?

Did you post about this person before, OP? It sounds awfully familiar.

JudgeJ · 20/01/2023 20:22

I can perfectly understand why you're annpoyed despite all the support on here for the cheeky interlopers.
Next year make it a box of chocolates, let them share that!

PrincessScarlett · 20/01/2023 20:23

As annoying as it is that family member is a freeloader, I'm afraid you and DH are being a bit ridiculous. You bought a gift and it is up to your in-laws how they choose to use it. You don't give gifts with conditions.

DarkShade · 20/01/2023 20:23

Any money on its the sibling. I have a sibling who would do the same.

Nothinglikethebest · 20/01/2023 20:29

I would suck it up this year, it’s done now but I would bear it in mind for any future gifts. Two tickets for the theatre and dinner, or a posh afternoon tea for two along with a double hotel room, or basically anything that you can buy for two people only. Or get 4 spaces/ tickets for an experience for you and PIL to enjoy together, you could print off something about it to present as the gift but keep hold of the tickets yourself. That way the gift can’t be muscled in on and would still be a lovely treat for PIL, they won’t get pressured by the CF trying to cadge an invite and it would also annoy CF. Win win.

Nocutenamesleft · 20/01/2023 20:30

JenniferBarkley · 20/01/2023 20:10

"Oh how nice of BIL to contribute! We did get a little carried away and go over budget, how wonderful of him to recognise that. We'll send him the bill for his half tomorrow, how generous of him."

I mean, you shouldn't. But you must be tempted.

Next time, only presents that can't be shared.

Oh this!!!!!!

oh please do this!

Sleepless1096 · 20/01/2023 20:30

I would be infuriated too.

Can you get your DH to have a quiet word with him about how this is meant to be a chance for his parents to spend time together?

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