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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting others on a trip we paid for?

279 replies

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:09

Please tell me your thoughts on this, me and DH are so wound up about it. We have booked a trip for parents in law and they are inviting other people at our expense. I appreciate we have gifted it them and they can do what they want with it.

but it just feels such a slap in the face! We found such a lovely place for them to relax and now they aren’t even going together.

OP posts:
Addicted2LoveIsland · 21/01/2023 01:13

I don't think you can control if they invite someone else along. If it bothers you this much I just wouldn't invite and pay for anymore trips

Carlycat · 21/01/2023 01:34

Just let them know that any extra costs incurred must be covered by them. Simple.

FannyChmelar · 21/01/2023 02:47

I think you should have a word with her, woman to woman, and tell her you’ll out her if she keeps imposing herself like a 5th wheel on yours and your PILs romantic breaks.

WandaWonder · 21/01/2023 02:50

Why does the OP or her partner have to facilitate the gift?

It is handed over and that is that? Why does it need to be more complicated than that?

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2023 02:59

Does the cabin accommodate another adult?

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2023 03:01

….The maximum occupancy number must not be breached for health and safety reasons.

ItsBritneyBitch45 · 21/01/2023 03:39

PurpleEmpress · 20/01/2023 19:55

I read the OP’s comments and thought about this thread straight away!!

YADNBU OP however it sounds like SIL is really lonely. She needs to get some sort of hobbies and parents need to stop enabling her otherwise nothing will ever change

daisychain01 · 21/01/2023 04:59

Wantsummerback · 20/01/2023 19:35

Well we are going round to PIL tomorrow DH said he’s going to bring it up.

but I’ve just come here to ask whether we are being selfish knobs. But then as I said this person keeps doing this.

Well, don't ever let it happen again if this person has form for being a sponger. Don't put yourself in that situation.

Fool me once, more fool you, fool me twice more fool me.

Andypandy799 · 21/01/2023 04:59

Sounds like my sister the cf

kateandme · 21/01/2023 05:50

are you not seeing what you in laws are though. is this a cheeky fucker or a sibling who for whatever reason hasnt got the chances in life and is actually down quite often and or doesnt have the means to get themselves a holiday. if they keep inviting him they obviously dont mind.

diddl · 21/01/2023 08:29

If you bring it up what do you think that they'll say?

You knew that there was a chance of this happening but you bought the gift anyway!

Could you cancel the chef or even the whole thing?

And either do presents that can't be hijacked in future or don't do presents at all?

Original poster
Wantsummerback · 21/01/2023 09:17

@kateandme yep hubby said this!

We was talking last night and we was saying I wonder if PIL actually enjoy her coming on every single trip with them. Or is she overly pushy with them the way she is with us making sure she gets invited or sulking if she doesn’t.

who knows!

OP posts:
Testina · 21/01/2023 09:25

@Wantsummerback my sisters and I paid for our parents to return to the hotel of their honeymoon for their Golden wedding anniversary. First time abroad since!
My big man baby adult brother went with them!!!!

Sometimes you’ve just got to accept that people are wankers. It hasn’t cost you any more. Step away. Otherwise your SIL (?) is getting both your treat (not really your money) and your headspace. Just leave it.

Badgirlriri · 21/01/2023 09:51

Agree with above post, totally get your annoyance and it isn’t fair, but don’t give it anymore headspace. Just know never to book and pay for anything like this again.

PurpleEmpress · 21/01/2023 10:23

Could be worse OP. Reading both your threads reminded me of one of my DM’s friends. Their DD used to like going on holidays with her parents. On one camping trip she insisted her DF slept in another tent in the adjourning field and she shared the main tent with her DM. Hopefully your DSIL hasn’t reached these dizzy heights of cheeky fuckery.

Original poster
Wantsummerback · 21/01/2023 11:46

So turns out it was SIL making everyone feel sorry for her! Mil asked her if she wanted to come because she was feeling down. So we was right!
got what she wanted a nice free trip!

she could have politely declined as she knew we bought if for them to enjoy together. But no she lapped it up! 🤢

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 21/01/2023 12:03

Don't pay for any extras incurred by her presence - food, bedding, extra charges.

DrManhattan · 21/01/2023 12:34

Lessons learned I suppose. Dont buy them any more gifts that can be hijacked. I have a relative like this too, there isn't much you can do that doesn't make you look like a cnut.

Kellymm88 · 21/01/2023 17:37

As annoyed as you are, it’s not your place to tell someone how to enjoy their gift…. It’s like if I bought someone a box of chocolates and got annoyed that they’d shared them. If they want to relax with other people that’s their choice.

Divorcedalongtime · 21/01/2023 17:40

Maybe they no longer enjoy spending so much time away just the two of them..?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 21/01/2023 17:44

I think it’s a lovely gift and if your PIL think that they will enjoy it even more with the company of friends then why not? Surely it’s a gift for them to enjoy - however they please. I would give them the heads up that the chef is for two only though. Are you upset that they didn’t ask you? If it’s that you weren’t asked then I can understand why you’re miffed but otherwise - it’s their gift, let them enjoy it however they please.

busymomtoone · 21/01/2023 17:51

I honestly don’t get this - you gave a gift - and ( presumably) didn’t stipulate anything conditions attached. It obviously gives your PIL joy/ pleasure to have the additional company or they wouldn’t invite them? Surely you want them to enjoy the trip the best way they can? Sorry but sounds like sour grapes - did YOU want to go with them ? It has zero financial impact on you at all so - apologies if I’ve misunderstood or got this wrong - basically you’re saying because you don’t like someone you don’t want your gift to be shared?!!

Zanatdy · 21/01/2023 17:56

I don’t see the issue. It’s not costing you any money. You gift someone something but you can’t attach strings / rules to it. If they will enjoy it more going with friends who are you begrudging that?

LolaMoon · 21/01/2023 18:02

I get why you are annoyed but why do you keep gifting them trips if you know the SIL constantly muscles in on them? its clearly annoying you and you KNOW she has form for this and does it constantly. So, FGS stop gifting them things she can manipulate her way in on. Get them a physical gift next time that is specific to only them that she cannot grab for herself and that she will have no interest in. I dont understand why you would pick this gift KNOWING what will inevitably happen? and KNOWING that this would irritate you?

Snazzysausage · 21/01/2023 18:05

I would check the terms and conditions for the booking. It can be classed as breaching the terms of the booking to allow an extra guest who isn't named to stay and generally means the insurance wouldn't pay out if there's any damage. Worth checking out to be sure. We've booked numerous cottages/ flats over the years and couldn't have just rocked up with an extra person in tow.