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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family comes first surely ?

426 replies

Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:05

4 years ago my friend started a cleaning business. My mum was looking for a cleaner so I gave her my friends number . After 18 months or so she started to clean for my mums ndn too.

My mum has always had the opinion that if you want something you work for it so isn’t very forthcoming with helping out when I’ve struggled but my youngest is now in full time school so I wanted to work but I’ve not been able to for years due to some medical issues . I said to my mum would she consider letting me be her cleaner and as she has that kind of work ethic opinion mentioned above she was happy to do this as she would be helping me out but I wouldn’t be doing nothing in return.

she gave her cleaner (my friend) notice and I’ve now been cleaning for her a few weeks . Her ndn is one of her best friends as they’ve lived there for over 30 years and she had been talking to her and ndn has now given notice and asked me will i clean for her too (she’s aware of my medical issues and knows this will make throngs easier for me I’ve known her years and it was her suggestion)

My friend (well I’m not sure if she is anymore) has accused me of poaching her clients !!! But I’m not . They had given notice and yes I asked my mum but i didn’t approach her ndn. She’s says I shouldn’t have asked my mum but it’s my mum and surely family comes first especially given my circumstances 😞

OP posts:
Bechets · 20/01/2023 17:11

I can see why your friend is a bit miffed tbh.

Everyone is feeling the pinch atm, and she's now down two clients because of you.

HandsOffMyCarrierBags · 20/01/2023 17:11

Your friend is being daft

JudgeRudy · 20/01/2023 17:12

Of course you've poached her client (your Mum) and she's quite rightly annoyed. I'm on the fence whether it's right or wrong but at least have the decency to own it.
Be interesting to see how it goes with the neighbour if you let her down.

Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:12

Bechets · 20/01/2023 17:11

I can see why your friend is a bit miffed tbh.

Everyone is feeling the pinch atm, and she's now down two clients because of you.

But she still has many other clients and I only have 2 . If I hadn’t done this she would have all of hers and I’d have 0 . If I’d not asked my mum I could have been waiting weeks to even find 1 client

OP posts:
BordoisAgain · 20/01/2023 17:13

Tbf you have poached her customers so I can understand why she's pissed off

Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:13

JudgeRudy · 20/01/2023 17:12

Of course you've poached her client (your Mum) and she's quite rightly annoyed. I'm on the fence whether it's right or wrong but at least have the decency to own it.
Be interesting to see how it goes with the neighbour if you let her down.

I won’t let her down her clean is the same day as my mums as they’ve done that to make it easier for me just travelling on the one day there and back

OP posts:
CallTheMobWife · 20/01/2023 17:14

You ARE poaching her clients though. She had a client, you approached them and asked to have the job instead, the client cancelled her and employed you. Twice.

On what planet do you think that you didn't poach her clients?

Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:14

BordoisAgain · 20/01/2023 17:13

Tbf you have poached her customers so I can understand why she's pissed off

I asked my mum yes but her ndn decided to change I didn’t approach her

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:14

CallTheMobWife · 20/01/2023 17:14

You ARE poaching her clients though. She had a client, you approached them and asked to have the job instead, the client cancelled her and employed you. Twice.

On what planet do you think that you didn't poach her clients?

That’s why I said in this instance surely family comes first ?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 20/01/2023 17:15

You are poaching clients. I would also be pissed off. It’s blatant nepotism.

Ifulikepinacoladas · 20/01/2023 17:16

You did literally poach 2 of her clients however you want to re-frame it.
Obviously no idea where you are in the country, but most places there is plenty of cleaning work to be had and it wouldn't have been hard to find your own clients and saved this situation with your now probably ex friend.

Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:17

I needed more money though and my mum wanted to help. Her ndn asked I didn’t approach her at all as I wouldn’t have done that but I needed my mums help and she doesn’t just give handouts

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 20/01/2023 17:17

Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:12

But she still has many other clients and I only have 2 . If I hadn’t done this she would have all of hers and I’d have 0 . If I’d not asked my mum I could have been waiting weeks to even find 1 client

Show quote history

It doesn’t matter, she has 2 less now

SerenaTee · 20/01/2023 17:17

You’ve bettered your position at the expense of your friend. No judgement from me about the rights and wrongs but at least admit this much!

Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:17

Ifulikepinacoladas · 20/01/2023 17:16

You did literally poach 2 of her clients however you want to re-frame it.
Obviously no idea where you are in the country, but most places there is plenty of cleaning work to be had and it wouldn't have been hard to find your own clients and saved this situation with your now probably ex friend.

I needed to work somewhere families due to my medical needs and I think my mum and her ndn understand that so it was a quick way to get me extra money

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:17

familiar

OP posts:
NoodleNuts · 20/01/2023 17:18

That’s why I said in this instance surely family comes first ?
Not if it involves sacking an employee so your daughter can have the job! I can see which way this thread is going to go:

OP - I didn't poach her clients, it's family, surely IANBU!!
EVERYONE ELSE - You did poach her clients, YABU and I can see why your friend is pissed off.
OP - but IANBU! It's family so doesn't count!

BordoisAgain · 20/01/2023 17:18

So are they paying you much less than they paid your friend? Are you properly insured to do this work?

Ifulikepinacoladas · 20/01/2023 17:19

Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:17

I needed to work somewhere families due to my medical needs and I think my mum and her ndn understand that so it was a quick way to get me extra money

Show quote history

That might be the reason, but you did still poach.

BettyUnderswoob · 20/01/2023 17:20

I doubt the NDN gave your poor friend notice until she'd already asked if you'd do it. You could have said no. You didn't.
I don't blame her for being pissed off.

Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:20

BordoisAgain · 20/01/2023 17:18

So are they paying you much less than they paid your friend? Are you properly insured to do this work?

No paying me the same , I don’t have insurance as I’m going to see how this goes I might only need 2 clients and I might not manage more but the extra money just helps with food and electric

OP posts:
ToughLoveLDN · 20/01/2023 17:20

You did poach her clients.

But if she was a really good cleaner there’s no way the ndn would have dropped her to help you out.

OriginalUsername2 · 20/01/2023 17:21

Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:12

But she still has many other clients and I only have 2 . If I hadn’t done this she would have all of hers and I’d have 0 . If I’d not asked my mum I could have been waiting weeks to even find 1 client

Show quote history

Every client you take off her is a certain amount of money she’s lost, just like that. I would be very pissed off to lose a job to a “friend”, let alone 2.

Original poster
Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:21

BettyUnderswoob · 20/01/2023 17:20

I doubt the NDN gave your poor friend notice until she'd already asked if you'd do it. You could have said no. You didn't.
I don't blame her for being pissed off.

I couldn’t say no as it was perfect . Familiar house familiar person and same day as my mums and someone aware of my medical issues

OP posts:
CallTheMobWife · 20/01/2023 17:22

Pinkchenille · 20/01/2023 17:14

That’s why I said in this instance surely family comes first ?

Show quote history

That's a different point though isn't it? Yiu can argue that you were justified in poaching if you want, you can't argue that you didn't poach. Because you did, there's no argument there.