Family comes first surely ?

[Pinkchenille]

4 years ago my friend started a cleaning business. My mum was looking for a cleaner so I gave her my friends number . After 18 months or so she started to clean for my mums ndn too.

My mum has always had the opinion that if you want something you work for it so isn’t very forthcoming with helping out when I’ve struggled but my youngest is now in full time school so I wanted to work but I’ve not been able to for years due to some medical issues . I said to my mum would she consider letting me be her cleaner and as she has that kind of work ethic opinion mentioned above she was happy to do this as she would be helping me out but I wouldn’t be doing nothing in return.

she gave her cleaner (my friend) notice and I’ve now been cleaning for her a few weeks . Her ndn is one of her best friends as they’ve lived there for over 30 years and she had been talking to her and ndn has now given notice and asked me will i clean for her too (she’s aware of my medical issues and knows this will make throngs easier for me I’ve known her years and it was her suggestion)

My friend (well I’m not sure if she is anymore) has accused me of poaching her clients !!! But I’m not . They had given notice and yes I asked my mum but i didn’t approach her ndn. She’s says I shouldn’t have asked my mum but it’s my mum and surely family comes first especially given my circumstances 😞

Can't everyone see that the OP is clearly very close to the breadline (need to eat, top up the electric)? So she wants to do some cash in hand work. Surely any one of us would do this if it meant the choice of our family eating or not?

OP, its totally fine what you have done, and any good friend would understand. Just explain to her your circumstances and make it clear you have no intention of poaching any further clients. You're in a bad situation and your mum wanted to help you out. And that is totally fine. Sucks a bit for the friend, but I would hope she will understand.

If you find it too much would it not be awkward fir the ndn to get a new cleaner. Will she be happy if your standards are not so high as your friend's or you are less reliable?

I didn’t say I was worse off than anyone

we recently have been short each week and struggling so I thought what can I do to get the extra we need to fill that gap

Aren’t there any other people you know then?

Your mum I understand more but the ndn you definitely poached. I’d also be pissed off if I was your friend.

You've mentioned seeing how it goes. If it doesn't work out , your friend will have lost 2 clients for nothing. A lot of people are struggling financially at the moment. Your friend possibly too now. I couldn't do this to a friend.

I agree with others that if she is really annoyed she could report you. You should declare the work if you do go ahead .

But my conditions and needs haven’t changed so they wouldn’t . You can work and get pip. The only thing I’m doing is having seizures meltdowns and shitting myself in my mums house instead in between doing some dusting. Does that make you happy to know that. I shit myself on the bus home too last week . Still benefit fraud ? Thanks

Sorry but I think it was a bit shitty of you tbh and if I was your friend I would be very upset that you had happily taken two of my clients, whether you helped me get them in the first place or not.

OP it's clear from your posts that you feel you are completely justified in what you're doing. I think you started this thread to be cheered on for it and to be told that your friend was being a cow and she should be over the moon that you now had another source of income.

You haven't stopped for a minute to think that she might actually miss the - what, £40? - per week she was earning from cleaning for your mum and ndn. That she might now not be able to pay for electricity or food. Or at least not like she could.

So as PPs have said, own it that what you've done is taken clients away from her. You can dress it up as how much you need to do this and why, but that is the bottom line.

Are you eligible for uc, if so why have you not claimed it already?

I can understand why she is pissed off. Family and work don't mix well

YABU for not admitting that you poached her clients. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of it, admit it. Own it.

She's got a right to be pissed off at you. In her shoes, I bet you'd feel the same way. I wouldn't expect to regain the friendship anytime soon especially as you seem unwilling to try and understand how she's feeling and how she sees it.

But that's not for you to decide whether your needs haven't changed. Any change in circumstances needs to be declared and will be considered. You might still get your PIP. But that's not your decision to make.

I think the doing it for Op's mum was fine, but it's the ndn that isn't. That's where it got into poaching.

I’m not sure my partner works full time and it was enough previously so we didn’t even think to claim we just had wages, PIP and child benefit . When we were short each week I thought of this first maybe I should have thought of UC but I don’t know if we would qualify with a full time wage ? Maybe I should have done that instead. Part of me just wanted to get out of the house and work though

Benefit fraud aside (which it is, no doubt) a lot of people would put their daughter first and employ them and some people would have put themselves first and taken the work at their friend’s expense. But in most cases, both you and your mum would be mortified and embarrassed and really quite shamefaced and awkward. You are brazen, unapologetic and totally dismissing your friend’s very justified annoyance and upset.

Thats the issue that people have with you. Why ask if you have been unreasonable if you’re adamant you haven’t?

I mean this with kindness but as part of your autism do you have issues with understanding human relationships and social norms? Sounds like you’re being very black and white about this and wildly unrealistic in expecting your friend not to be hurt that you have shafted her. Which you have, no two ways about it.

Let’s hope your mum and her neighbour have a Plan B if it doesn’t work out as they won’t get her back. You speak as though you’re just trying it out, seeing how it goes. Your friend is the one who is suffering and losing out as a result of what you’re framing as a casual experiment. And you’re not even remotely sorry. That’s horrible.

The fact you haven't updated it. It is benefit fraud.

Are you declaring it?

Your Mum only gave notice because you asked to do her cleaning for money yourself and I'm sure that is why her "best friend" neighbour followed suit. Own it at least and stop bleating about them having "given notice" until you suggested you took over.

Look, 2 things can be true at once ....

Your personal circumstances - the combination of your health, what your partner earns / works, your benefits situation - might well mean your choice of jobs / tasks / locations are limited; and that this seems likely an ideal situation. That can be true - it certainly seems you think it is.

And at the same time, it's true that its reasonable for your friend to be hacked off and feel like you've poached two customers from her business.

If you value the friendship, I think you have to own the fact you've pi$$ed her off. That is her right to feel like that - however much your 30 posts in little over an hour here justify your position.

You poached 2 customers off your friend.

She needs the work too.

Did you not think to just ask your friend if she knew of anyone wanting a cleaner rather than stealing hers and making her life difficult?

You're expecting your mum to pay you to clean her house...I'd clean my mums for free...she's "family"

You are the CF in this situation.

Good cleaners are like gold dust. If op’s mate was that good at her job there is no way the neighbour would have let her go, however well she gets on with her neighbour.

You need to look out for your own financial survival before your friend's.

This exactly. Some of the indignant replies on here are laughable.