To feel grabby and uncomfortable with this.

[abstractplantpot]

Background - i'm married with kids we own our house and a small business. Sister single by choice owns her own house works full time and has a horse.

My father died 5 yrs ago and mum is left with the house they lived in and a small savings pot. She has been diagnosed with dementia and is needing increasing care.

My sister had talked about either renting her house out or selling it to move in with mum as she would eventually like to live in that house herself. This is fine by me. At the moment we share her care. I also do all the household business like keeping bills paid ensuring she has food and everything she needs.

Sister was advised by "the girls in work" to get legal advice before she did this as she could end up loosing out. I agreed and wanted us to get the correct info on how to do this legally and above board.

I couldn't go with her as i had no child care for the time she made the appointment so she went alone.

She has come back from the solicitor and said she doesn't need to move in with mum. She wants to open a bank account in her name and my name and transfer mums savings to it. Then get the house put into our names. with a document saying mum can live there untill she's no longer able.

For me this doesn't solve the problem of mum needing care! She has gone into that appointment trying to protect her inheritance and not looked at how we can help mum.

She's telling me she needs to look after her own interests as she hasn't got anyone else to do it for her. I have a husband she has no one. She is pushing me to do this quickly as she said we have to have it done for three years otherwise if mum goes into a home she will loose the house.

She isn't listening when i mention this doesn't help with caring for mum.

i do not want to do the joint account as it will mean my earnings for this year will push up to the next tax bracket. we own a business and this will be an asset. She's happy to move it into an account
solely in her name which again i'm fine
with but what about caring for mum.

Am i being unreasonable for being uncomfortable with this. I was happy to do it when she was moving into the house (happy to get deeds in her name or joint names not the bank account) to care for mum when she wasn't at work. i'd have gone in during the day. But now she's forgotten all about mum and is concentrating on the money.

How can i make her see i'm unhappy with this with out seeming i'm selfish.
thanks.

I find it difficult to believe that a solicitor advised this.

She has come back from the solicitor and said she doesn't need to move in with mum. She wants to open a bank account in her name and my name and transfer mums savings to it. Then get the house put into our names. with a document saying mum can live there untill she's no longer able.

No solicitor has given your sister this 'advice'.
So not only is she intent on robbing your mum - she's lying to you.

Time to stop pussyfooting around & worrying about being seen as "selfish".

Although that opens a whole new can of worms - how on EARTH are you worried about being seen as selfish? YOU'RE not the one who's trying to rip mum off - you're the one who is trying to ensure that mum retains her own assets to pay for her best care.
How much form does your sister have for grabbing whatever she wants, then making you feel guilty for it? Putting herself first by putting you down?
Because it's really weird that you think she'll call you selfish for protecting your mother ...

I am POA. I sort all mums "business" out, so i keep her house in order make sure it safe all bills are paid. i sorted a cleaner to keep it clean. i have a hairdresser for her etc. She has a lovely life.

My sister wants the house in mums will it's to be devised 45% to us and 10% to the grandchildren. (my children) i agreed if she moved in and cared for mum i'd take a reduced amount as she was making the sacrifices.

That's all out the window now and she keeps saying she needs to protect herself.

You need to speak to a solicitor as soon as possible.

Your sister can not just swipe your mother's money - she either has no understanding of legalities and morality, or just doesn't care.

I am POA.

FFS then put your objections to DS's fraudulent batshittery IN WRITING.

& go & get he best legal advice you can buy.

She has already implied i'm being selfish as I have a husband and family to grow old with and a joint income from the business when she only has herself.

Your mum already has a POA, so this is just an attempt for your sister to get money. I'd be very disappointed. I also wouldn't be saying yes.

I will talk to her again now i know i'm not being unreasonable.

So am
i right i'm thinking she can't just go ahead and do this stuff?

tbf to your sister, a meeting with a solicitor was never going to give her advice about practical care for your mother. That is not what solicitors are there for.

So she is already wishing her mother dead then OP?

Right ho. Thought so.

She has CHOSEN to be single.
Imply right back: she's being selfish because she has no childcare or childraising costs.

I hope PP have been able to impress on you how much trouble you could be in if you don't 1) get excellent legal advice immediately & 2) pushback against DS's plan to defraud your mother, the council, & HMRC in writing.

It’s deprivation of assets. Most local authorities don’t currently look back more than 7 years but within 7 years they will definitely check. Your Mum is going to need care within that time.

Goodness, what the hell did your mum do to be treated so coldly? Your sister is a cowbag!

If she was planning to still care for her mother while transferring assets then I might understand as it avoids the death tax. However, she clearly doesn't want to do that anymore and simply wants to leave her to wither away alone and penniless. She's horrible.

No solicitor has told her to do this.

Your mum’s house will have to sold at some point to pay for her care home fees. Once her care needs escalate there become a point where she is safer in a home and it will be cheaper than paying for day and night care in her home. But dementia care home fees start at £50,000 pa.

I’m a bit concerned you don’t seem to know what PoA implies.

OP if you're the POA then I wouldn't worry about this any longer. Her plans are all fantasies.

If you can't look after your mum full time and your sister is no longer willing to; then pay for care.

You can’t transfer someone else’s assets - it’s called stealing.

Of course she can’t ….. you might want to read up on what the POA you have is supposed to cover / allow you to do.

My sister had talked about either renting her house out or selling it to move in with mum as she would eventually like to live in that house herself. This is fine by me. At the moment we share her care. I also do all the household business like keeping bills paid ensuring she has food and everything she needs

What funds does your sister think are going to be used to pay care home fees for your Mother? A rental income won't cover it. Her house will have to be sold for paying the fees.

Does your sister have POA as well?

I have known people like this who want to keep an old person in the home to protect their "inheritance". They move in , get frustrated about it but ultimately think they should get it all meanwhile the person could be being well looked after in a care home.

If she wants to live in that particular house for sentimental reasons then she can sell her own home, buy your mums and then your mum has a pot of cash to pay for her care, your sister has the house she wanted and no one is being ripped off?

Maybe she can even buy it at a slightly discounted rate to account for you mum continuing to live with her?

I think this would be a good plan?

I couldn't go with her as i had no child care for the time she made the appointment so she went alone. well she should have booked it for a time you could go..how sneaky of her.

See your own solicitor

Do not agree to this OP. As POA you are there to protect your mum's interests and nobody else's. This is in your sister's interests, not yours or your mum's, and could land you in more trouble than just deprivation of assets. Putting it brutally it's financial abuse of the vulnerable and it would be on you. Your instincts are right, stick to them.

If you are the PoA but not your sister - then No she cannot do this even if it was the right thing to do (which it isn't!).

She is trying to force you to do it before you get chance to think about it as your mum's legal representative and then wash her hands of it making you look like the grubby grabber.

Wherever your sister took advice from making stuff up. It's a 7 year rule for inheritance tax purposes, but if your mother needs local authority care then they can go back as long as they want. You transferring g your mothers assets to yourself and your sister and then claiming care home costs / or in home care services funded by the local authority will not be allowed to pass... why on earth would it. If it was noone would ever pay these things!

Your sister would be foolish to sell her house and move in with your mum as she will loose your mum's house to care fees in all probability and have nowhere to live. Your sister could buy your mother out of (part of?) the house with the proceeds from her sale giving your mother more cash to pay for care (or spend in other ways but this fund would need to be carefully managed to make sure it isn't reclaimable by the care fess if needed.) But her grubby plan is just callous and not in your mother's interests as it leaves her without care and dementia is a cruel disease and not one easily coped with at home.

What the fuck have I just read?

What a horrible cow.

Fucks sake get advice. Now.

But as pp have said if you've poa you should be a bit more clued up on what you can and can't do. Does she have shared poa?