To feel grabby and uncomfortable with this.

[abstractplantpot]

Background - i'm married with kids we own our house and a small business. Sister single by choice owns her own house works full time and has a horse.

My father died 5 yrs ago and mum is left with the house they lived in and a small savings pot. She has been diagnosed with dementia and is needing increasing care.

My sister had talked about either renting her house out or selling it to move in with mum as she would eventually like to live in that house herself. This is fine by me. At the moment we share her care. I also do all the household business like keeping bills paid ensuring she has food and everything she needs.

Sister was advised by "the girls in work" to get legal advice before she did this as she could end up loosing out. I agreed and wanted us to get the correct info on how to do this legally and above board.

I couldn't go with her as i had no child care for the time she made the appointment so she went alone.

She has come back from the solicitor and said she doesn't need to move in with mum. She wants to open a bank account in her name and my name and transfer mums savings to it. Then get the house put into our names. with a document saying mum can live there untill she's no longer able.

For me this doesn't solve the problem of mum needing care! She has gone into that appointment trying to protect her inheritance and not looked at how we can help mum.

She's telling me she needs to look after her own interests as she hasn't got anyone else to do it for her. I have a husband she has no one. She is pushing me to do this quickly as she said we have to have it done for three years otherwise if mum goes into a home she will loose the house.

She isn't listening when i mention this doesn't help with caring for mum.

i do not want to do the joint account as it will mean my earnings for this year will push up to the next tax bracket. we own a business and this will be an asset. She's happy to move it into an account
solely in her name which again i'm fine
with but what about caring for mum.

Am i being unreasonable for being uncomfortable with this. I was happy to do it when she was moving into the house (happy to get deeds in her name or joint names not the bank account) to care for mum when she wasn't at work. i'd have gone in during the day. But now she's forgotten all about mum and is concentrating on the money.

How can i make her see i'm unhappy with this with out seeming i'm selfish.
thanks.

Are you both local to your mother ? Do you think assisted care accommodation would help ? Then you could rent out her house to help pay ? It is really just for having immediate help on hand 24 hours a day ?

Quite agree
Something changes in some siblings when it comes to inheritance.

Not true in my mum's case. When her liquid funds ran out and the council had to take over under a deferred payment scheme, they moved her from her care home to an extra care flat with carers coming in, as it was cheaper. The care home offered the council a reduction in her fees, but the council said it was still too expensive.

And by the way, the home was not remotely fancy, nor was it anywhere near the most expensive in the area.

It may be worth contacting the safeguarding team as what your sister proposes is financial abuse

Sorry, I haven't read the full thread but I think there are a few issues here. I'm not going to talk about the issue about putting your mum's assets in your sister's name, because other people already talked about it and I'm not familiar with the law. However it does sound like there could be an issue with the fairness towards your sister and that is worth discussion too. If your sister gives up financial opportunities such as a work promotion, extra paid hours at work, or the equity gains from ownership and appreciation of her own home, in order to provide personal care for your mom, then that may be where her main concern lies. It is also great that you handle your mum's finances but if your sister is the one providing personal care to your mum, that is a larger burden usually, as it is physically wearing, requires someone to be physically on-site, and thus takes away from her ability to look after her own needs. A state-calculated caregiver's allowance may not fully compensate your sister for the opportunity-cost of taking on your mum's personal care. So if you get your own solicitor (which you probably should) then that is something you could ask them about: how to fairly compensate your sister for giving up her own work-time and work-opportunities to care for your mum.

In general I get the impression it is hard to do this as family care is not compensated financially at the same rate as when it's done by outside carers, even though family care may be of higher quality than outside carers (as family knows what you like and dislike, can cook real meals where professional caregivers can only microwave/use hotpot etc.). So, without allowing your sister to dip into your mum's assets at will, you might need to have an honest conversation with your sister that it might be better for mum to be in a nursing home (paid with her own assets) and sister to put her full effort into her own future, rather than trying to rig up a possibly illegal system to give fair compensation for your sister's caregiving and lost opportunities.

That is her choice to be single and have no children.
She will have had more money to spend on herself than you did!

This needs to be about what’s best for your mum.
I would see a solicitor but not tell your sister. Tell the solicitor exactly what your sister is planning and tighten any possible loopholes.

Your mum has made a will which details her wishes. That will needs to be followed.

There is no reason why your sister needs to have that house. As you have said it might need to be sold to fund a care home. Your sister is being greedy and blaming you for having a husband and family is bonkers

I'm not sure that there's a time limit is there?

I've known an investigation 12yrs after the fact!

Probably repeating what someone else has said but @abstractplantpot as POA you have an obligation to register that power once your mum loses capacity to make her own decisions about things so if that point has been reached you need to register it immediately. You have to act in your mum's best interests not those of your sister so you are legally obliged to ensure that your mum is looked after. It sounds like your sister moving in would not achieve that in any event so forget that scheme. If your mum is ok at home at the moment with you two sharing the care then carry on as you are, if she needs additional care then you need to buy that in to help until such time as you feel she needs more constant care at which point you will need to find a suitable care home and the property will need to be sold to pay for that care. You will need to pay that until she dies and if there is any money left when that happens, only then will you and your sister inherit what is left.

I know she's family and you don't want to fall out with her but your DS is behaving dreadfully. You have POA which is a court order, if you sign anything which goes against your DM's best interests financially then you'll be held just as accountable as your DS, possibly even more.
Go to a solicitor, tell them everything then proceed as they advise. You need to protect your DM and yourself. As long as your DM is alive your greedy DS is entitled to nothing

This.

Emptying your mothers account would be literally giving her money away.

Same with a joint account.

Same with the deeds of her house.

Your sister has just shown you EXACTLY who she is.

Your mother needs protecting from her intentions to steal from her.

Why would you consider being a party to such a criminal act?

Please wake up quickly.

As the holder of PoA on behalf of your mum, you could potentially be in very serious trouble if you agree to this. You are meant to take decisions in your mum's interests, not yours and your sister's. I'd just tell her that legally it's not possible as you could be considering to be defrauding your mum.

One thing is for sure - your sister will not move in to your mother's house in order to "take care of her" - no chance. Caring for someone with dementia and actually living with them in the same house is incredibly hard, and way too much for most people to cope with. I think what your sister is trying to do is to move herself into your mother's house now, so that if she has to go into a care home, your sister can claim it is her sole residence as well, so it shouldn't be sold to pay for mother's care. I think that's her plan.

If your mother eventually needs expensive care, all her assets will be assessed to decide how much she will pay or whether she has to pay for all of it herself. The council will know if assets have been hidden or misappropriated. Classic Deprivation of Capital.
I would see a solicitor yourself to protect your mother, your mother's assets and yourself from your sister.

I think you are correct.
As I posted earlier my mums solicitor told her any actions that involved moving assets could be seen as deprivation as soon as she had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s, no matter how long it was before she needed care

As she already has dementia, this wouldn't work even if DM had wanted it
Your sis is grabby and selfish
I hope you can sort a rota for her care It should not all fall to you
Off topic but my friends DM has dementia and has a 24/7 live in carer costing 5k per month

She's trying to break the law and get you to go along with it.

Absolutely don't do this. If the house needs to be sold to pay for care, that's what will have to happen.

An alternative (and legal) option would be to sell your mother's and sisters houses and buy somewhere with an annexe.

What your sister is proposing is financial abuse of a vulnerable adult. It's a safeguarding issue and she could get herself into some serious hot water. Has your mother had a mental capacity assessment? If she lacks capacity then you as her sole POA has responsibility to manage her financial assets in the best way for HER. Your sister is in lalaland.

Please, please listen to what posters are saying to you and the advice your being given. You have the power of attorney so your sister cannot do anything.

@diddl - you are correct there is no time limit for 'deprivation of assets'. The 7 years is for Inheritance Tax. Not everyone who sells property/gives away savings etc will be found to have 'deprived themselves of their assets' as it depends on the reason for doing so and also the length of time elapsed since the transaction(s) were done - in this case the Mother now has Dementia and the Sister wants it done purely to 'protect her inheritance) so there is no question that this would be considered to be Deprivation of Assets. None at all

As the holder of PoA on behalf of your mum, you could potentially be in very serious trouble if you agree to this. You are meant to take decisions in your mum's interests, not yours and your sister's. I'd just tell her that legally it's not possible as you could be considering to be defrauding your mum.

Also that. Very much so. My brother and I both have POA for my mum, and we each ask the other to approve any financial transaction we make on her behalf. My brother (who has to action the day to day stuff as he's more local) even forwards me the confirmation email listing the items bought on her online shopping!

We totally trust each other, but each feels more comfortable knowing that are fully disclosing any transactions and that they're clearly in mums interests.

What your sister is suggesting is completely immoral. It's stealing from your mum when she's still alive. She will need to wait til she's dead to see if she can get her hands on anything. To be honest, if she owns a horse, she must be doing alright! Don't agree to any of this.

No point me echoing what everyone else is saying, but just in case you don't know, as your mum is diagnosed with dementia she no longer has to pay council tax. If you fill in the online form they will backdate a refund to date of diagnosis too.

I think she's talking about making you two trustees....which is a standard 'inheritance protection' move however I believe if it's done with the soul purpose of depleting her assets and she needs care within 7 years (or state benefits in general) then the government can claw it back. If your mum was in good health that could be a clever move. Has she been honest with the solicitor about your mum's health?