4th baby at 43?

[Ctu24agent]

Ok, so I’m fully prepared to get roasted here, but before you do, please hear me out!

We have 3 gorgeous kids (15, 7 and 1) I’m 43, hubby is 56. Both in good health. We’ve always wanted a large family, but for one reason or another… it didn’t happen easily. Hence the large age gaps.
(D7 has autism)

In an ideal world we would LOVE another one.

AIBU to try for another? We can afford another child, but are we too old?
I've gone backwards and forwards with this. Hubby is 100% for another.

wwyd?
yabu… you’re too old
nbu.. go for it, age is a number!

Personally I wouldn't. I felt perfectly fit and fine at 43. Fast forward 8 years and perimenopause totally has me in its claws. It's massively hard work running a house, working and looking after a family when you are plague with headaches, fatigue, muscle aches, hot flushes etc. Don't underestimate it...

I felt totally fine in my early forties as well. Not really any different physically from 20 years before except in looks. Peri menopause was shit though. I am through the other side and my body tells me it is older.

Nope.
No way.

Yeah, I used to naively, and arrogantly, think that if you just kept active, you might get slower, but you would pretty much feel the same. But no. I’m fitter and more active than your average person my age, but bloody hell, it’s harder. I just feel stiffer, sorer, injure easily, recover slowly, decline quickly. It takes more effort.

Age as well as you can, but don’t underestimate the toll ageing takes on every bit of you.

And do you honestly think an almost 60 year old man would be 100% on board with another baby if he were expected to be the main caregiver? No way...

a Childs needs doesn’t only equate from financial stability tbh.

I agree it does not. But unless you have substantial savings OP and her DP are committing themselves to working potentially well beyond state retirement age. If they have large pensions, there may be no financial issue. But most retired couples have far less outgoings than a family with 4 children.

Perfectly justifiable to me and I am certainly not hard of thinking

No need for anyone to have 4 children? Wtf??

Oh come off it!

For what reason?

Exactly this!! Not at all selfish - only selfish to those that think (incorrectly) that it is selfish!

I had my last at 43, but got pregnant at 42. My sister had hers at 45. Sadly severely autistic and has sone physical issues too (this may or may not be due to maternal age).
To be honest I'd let it be. You have three healthy kids, risks factors go way up at your age. I think you should enjoy what you have.
And as for your and your husband's health - mine was in good shape too but had a sudden fatal heart attack at 51.

If you can then yes
you might regret not having a try
I had a close age gap and the older ones only 17 months in between them they really do get on so well and do so much together
I can’t comment on age but I have friends that have had a baby at 44/45 and one 46!! They all look well on it (kids are now 5/6) and they keep them young and I can’t believe they are 50!! Seem so much younger and also look it! They don’t seem to regret it either

@Moonriver79

Come off what? The reality bus?

Flipping heck Bert. Hats off to you. I was doing the school run at 19 (yes young and not the norm I know) but 55 and still doing it?

Someone else’s reality not yours so if she wants to have another baby it’s her business and for a stranger to call her fucking selfish when you don’t even know her is absurd!!! Oh and I had much older parents growing up and it didn’t bother me in the slightest, not at all - I was loved and cared for and didn’t give a flying fuck how old my parents were

Yes, no need. What need do you think there is?

Are you chasing after the experience of having 2 close together? It makes everything a lot harder work. I wouldn't put myself through that in my mid 40s.

Your DH and other kids may want another baby but as PP have said, there is a high risk that the baby may have difficulties. I know a couple who had a surprise bonus baby in their mid 40s and now have a child who may never be fully independent. Do you really want that for your retirement, and as a legacy for your other kids to manage when you pass away? Enjoy the kids you have!

The same need anybody would have for wanting child number 1, child number 2 or child number 10!!!! People don’t have children because they NEED a child they have children because they WANT a child 🙄

Exactly. I’m glad we agree that there’s no need for anyone to have a 4th child.

I think it's your DH that is too old.

I think he'd be almost 80 when the new one finished Uni.

Having children is an inherently selfish act, don’t know what you’re getting so up in arms about it?

Er no there is no mutual agreement here at all!!

Please explain what the need is for a child then.

You just said it’s a want, not a need. Which it is. Hence me saying nobody needs 4 kids.