To phone in sick

[KrossKriss]

If you worked in a school as a midday supervisor and you had a weekend away booked to celebrate a milestone birthday, would you ever contemplate phoning in sick so that you could take advantage of having the full day away? This is what I’m trying to decide but I’m torn.

I’m going away with my dh husband tomorrow and the other day he suggested phoning in sick so that we could set off early morning once our youngest dc is at school (instead of 1.30pm) so that we can explore the area, go for lunch etc before checking into our accommodation at 3pm. At first i said no but I’m now debating.

For context I know I only work an hour or so each day but I am far from work shy, I work very hard, but I’m struggling and have been for the last year. I struggle with anxiety and in the last year I’ve been diagnosed with autism, as has my dd. I have also for the last 18 months been struggling with (early) perimenopause. I’m a shadow of my former self and this last year there have been times I haven’t recognised myself, it’s been horrendous. I’ve been a weeping, emotional,
sleep deprived mess which ultimately has impacted ok every aspect of my life.

Now I know I’m ranting and i expect I know what you’re thinking, that I’m rhyming off all of my ailments to justify me wanting a day off work, but it’s not as simple as that. The job itself isn’t great. I didn’t go into the job with my blinkers on and I was under no illusion that it would be easy but in the relatively short time I’ve been in the role my anxiety has got worse. I’ve experienced borderline work place bullying from two members of staff that i really should’ve reported but I’m to soft, and my work load is ridiculous due to the same members of staff repeatedly phoning in sick for weeks at a time. It’s a thankless undervalued job and I dread going in most days. If i was happy in my job and as treated fairly I wouldn’t even be considering phoning in sick when I’m not poorly but then my dh (who has a solid work ethic and has only had three days off sick in 21 years) says it’s up to me but if he were so unhappy in his job he wouldn’t care less and just take the day off. Thoughts?

I say this kindly, and as someone who is just stepping back into the work place in a similar role to yours after needing time out due to my own mental health.

if your feeling so burnt out from such short hours, within a couple of weeks of back after the holidays, then perhaps now is the time for you to leave the job and focus on your own well being?

I think you should ask for unpaid leave. If they refuse say you're doing it anyway. If they found it so difficult to fill your position then they're unlikely to sack you.
As a former teacher I'd like to say I know how difficult your job is, I used to say it was the hardest job in the school! Have a good weekend away.

And conveniently fit right around OPs weekend away.

Its an excuse to justify calling in sick, but if it makes the OP feel better and a little less guilty then that's up to them. OP knows its not right otherwise wouldn't have started a thread asking for someone to back them up

@Aprilx I might only work 6 hours a week but i do work hard, just like I have done in every other job I have done in my life. The sheer amount of tasks I do in that hour or so can be very overwhelming. I work with year one and two children and at any one time I have 60+ children sometimes more. In fact yesterday, I had four classes of children on the playground on my own. That’s approximately 120 children! There was meant to be another member of staff out with me but she was delayed and by the time she came out the playground was empty as I’d organised all classes and got them in for their lunch. You try organising that many children on your own then come back and tell me how easy it was.

I'm struggling to marry "I work one hour per day" with "I work very hard" but that's none of our business. Phoning in sick will likely cause you anxiety that will offset the niceness of having lunch somewhere.

Just do what you think is right.

If you feel like this about your job, but your and stressed, why aren't you calling in sick today? Or tomorrow? Or the few days before your planned sickie? Why does it have to be the day you go on holiday?

It's because it's an excuse.

Burnt out that should say. Not but your.

This belief that it's okay to lie has spread rapidly from government across all sectors of society. It's quite astonishing how readily businesses now lie to customers, employers lie to employees (and vice versa in your suggested action), people buying/selling stuff online lie to buyers/vendors, etc.

It’s partly an excuse but also partly exhaustion on a number or levels. I’ve been to see my gp about my perimenopause symptoms but they won’t offer me HRT stating that I’m to young. They wanted me to go on an antidepressants but I spent a year taking them and they did not help me at all. I’m trying to minimise the stress in my life to help things and as for my job the only reason I haven’t quit is because after years of being a sahm I felt worthless so I took the job to fill the gap in my cv whilst at the same time getting myself out of the house earning a wage even if it is a pittance. I’d feel like an even bigger failure quitting but also at the same time I can’t work full time until my dd is older due to her additional needs and finding a part time term time job is near on impossible.

I’m not work shy. I regularly used to work 12 hour day and night shifts, weekends, bank holidays etc in demanding roles. But my life has changed and I’m struggling.
i can’t help that.

I think that with your anxiety, that taking a false sick day from work will not sit well and will make you even more anxious. It would make me anxious and I don't suffer with anxiety.

@KrossKriss why are you ignoring this question?

There is never a reason to call in sick unless you are too ill to carry out your job. Someone else will have to do your work. Not fair at all.

Sounds like your husband will have that morning off anyway.

So have a nice morning at home alone with him, cook a nice late breakfast, get all your stuff ready for the trip.

Go to work for your 1 hour, knowing you have had a lovely morning and have a great weekend ahead.

If you phone in sick you’ll feel so guilty and worried about being found out that you won’t enjoy the time off anyway.

When you are away, use the time to talk properly to your husband about how to make changes in your life, find a new job, or address the problems with the one you have.

Good luck.

@Aprilx How can you call me lazy. I work six (not five) hours a week to not only enable my husband to work full time in his job which thankfully he happens to love, but also so that I am around for my daughter who is also autistic and has a lot of needs. If you really think that working with children, regardless of hours, and then coming home to care for a child with complex additional needs is easy then I’m sorry to say you are deluded.

Thank you @Catnary that sounds like a good idea.

This job sounds like it isn’t worth the stress, pay, or filling your CV. I’d quit. I know that isn’t the question you’re asking right now but it sounds like it doesn’t suit you at all. I’m autistic too and the right role is a wonderful thing - the wrong role is soul destroying. I’d get out if I were you, 100%.

I think you need to be looking for a new job too a not a 'quick fix'. It isn't your problem that they will find the post hard to fill. There is a reason it was hard to fill before.

I work full-time and am a single parent. I had a cracking headache yesterday but had to to a full day of online training about youth suicide and mental health, followed straight after by my eldest's progress evening, followed by running both dc round to their activities. All I wanted to do was have a day/evening off.

I know though that if I call in sick with a headache, it will just be my luck that in the next week or two I will come down with something worse and will then feel I can't call in sick. I will also have to catch up on what I missed whilst off so just not worth it.

I'm sure your job has its stresses but it really is an hour or so a day so I wouldn't be calling in sick in your position.

Well Krosskriss firstly I am not psychic and you have only just decided to announce that you have a child with complex needs. So me and indeed many posters have been commenting on what you have said, which is that you work five hours a week during term time.

Me too 🤣

Thanks for your perspective @Irritatedmum and @Sunshineandflipflops. The only reason I haven’t quit the job so far as is that I feel like a failure. Very much like some of the people on here who have called me lazy i am hard on myself too and don’t like to just quit things, but at the same time I’m very unhappy.

No YABU and would simply be lying. What sort of example would that be for your children?

@KrossKriss

If you feel like this about your job, you feel burnt out and stressed, why aren't you calling in sick today? Or tomorrow? Or in the days before your planned sickie? Why does it have to specifically be the day you go on holiday?