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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To phone in sick

244 replies

KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:35

If you worked in a school as a midday supervisor and you had a weekend away booked to celebrate a milestone birthday, would you ever contemplate phoning in sick so that you could take advantage of having the full day away? This is what I’m trying to decide but I’m torn.

I’m going away with my dh husband tomorrow and the other day he suggested phoning in sick so that we could set off early morning once our youngest dc is at school (instead of 1.30pm) so that we can explore the area, go for lunch etc before checking into our accommodation at 3pm. At first i said no but I’m now debating.

For context I know I only work an hour or so each day but I am far from work shy, I work very hard, but I’m struggling and have been for the last year. I struggle with anxiety and in the last year I’ve been diagnosed with autism, as has my dd. I have also for the last 18 months been struggling with (early) perimenopause. I’m a shadow of my former self and this last year there have been times I haven’t recognised myself, it’s been horrendous. I’ve been a weeping, emotional,
sleep deprived mess which ultimately has impacted ok every aspect of my life.

Now I know I’m ranting and i expect I know what you’re thinking, that I’m rhyming off all of my ailments to justify me wanting a day off work, but it’s not as simple as that. The job itself isn’t great. I didn’t go into the job with my blinkers on and I was under no illusion that it would be easy but in the relatively short time I’ve been in the role my anxiety has got worse. I’ve experienced borderline work place bullying from two members of staff that i really should’ve reported but I’m to soft, and my work load is ridiculous due to the same members of staff repeatedly phoning in sick for weeks at a time. It’s a thankless undervalued job and I dread going in most days. If i was happy in my job and as treated fairly I wouldn’t even be considering phoning in sick when I’m not poorly but then my dh (who has a solid work ethic and has only had three days off sick in 21 years) says it’s up to me but if he were so unhappy in his job he wouldn’t care less and just take the day off. Thoughts?

OP posts:
halfthesun · 19/01/2023 08:50

Nope.

ladywithnomanors · 19/01/2023 08:50

Yabu. It's unfair on your colleagues who'll have to cover for you. As a midday supervisor you must get a shit ton of holidays - Christmas, Easter, Summer, Half terms, Bank holidays. You could have arranged something in Feb half term if you wanted more time off.
Just leave if you cant be arsed.

BrewandBiscuit · 19/01/2023 08:51

You will jinx yourself! My friend did this. Planned two days sick to start her holiday earlier. Woke up the morning of the first day she was planning to be sick, with a stomach bug.

dogdaydown · 19/01/2023 08:51

KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:47

I’ve not made my mind up at all. I simply said that I haven’t told colleagues about my birthday or weekend away, that’s all.

How odd! Dud you have this in mind for a while, it doesn't sound like you thought of this recently.

JazzHandsYeah · 19/01/2023 08:52

YABU, quit if you dislike your job so much but don’t leave your colleagues in the lurch because you fancy starting your holiday a whole 4 hours earlier.

Inertia · 19/01/2023 08:52

Don’t call in sick. Schools are stretched beyond belief in terms of staffing, so you being off will probably result in a teacher or TA missing their lunch to cover.

If you ask in advance for the time off they may be able to draft in cover .

Original poster
KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:52

I cover people all the time though. There is one member of staff in particular who phones in sick every couple of months and she is off for weeks at a time. She is a nice person on me whole don’t get me wrong but from talking to her she is taking time off for stress, which of course I can completely relate to. However I’m contemplating taking ONE day off not one month.

OP posts:
WearYourTiara · 19/01/2023 08:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

fuggyatmosphere · 19/01/2023 08:53

Look for another job…

DestinysGrandchild · 19/01/2023 08:53

KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:52

I cover people all the time though. There is one member of staff in particular who phones in sick every couple of months and she is off for weeks at a time. She is a nice person on me whole don’t get me wrong but from talking to her she is taking time off for stress, which of course I can completely relate to. However I’m contemplating taking ONE day off not one month.

Alright have the day off then 🙄

Could you not have tried to use a days holiday when you booked the trip?

Notonthestairs · 19/01/2023 08:54

Why didn't you just book the day off in advance?

Original poster
KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:54

I get what you’re saying about quitting my job but believe me the staff would struggle far more and for much longer if I did that as believe me they will find it impossible to fill the role. When I applied for the role it had been advertised for months.

OP posts:
DestinysGrandchild · 19/01/2023 08:55

KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:54

I get what you’re saying about quitting my job but believe me the staff would struggle far more and for much longer if I did that as believe me they will find it impossible to fill the role. When I applied for the role it had been advertised for months.

That's not your problem if you hate it.

dogdaydown · 19/01/2023 08:56

KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:54

I get what you’re saying about quitting my job but believe me the staff would struggle far more and for much longer if I did that as believe me they will find it impossible to fill the role. When I applied for the role it had been advertised for months.

But having four hours off isn't going to make any difference to your health, it really isn't.

You're just trying to justify your decision.

Original poster
KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:56

You can’t book days off when you work in a school. Well at least I can’t anyway. Ideally I wanted to wait a few weeks and go away at February half term but we cannot afford to pay those prices and my mum is away that week so wouldn’t be able to mind out dc.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/01/2023 08:56

Well a one hour shift at mid day, I presume means you are a dinner lady, so unless a teacher gives up their lunch hour there will be inadequate supervision for the children.

Aprilx · 19/01/2023 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 19/01/2023 08:58

KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:54

I get what you’re saying about quitting my job but believe me the staff would struggle far more and for much longer if I did that as believe me they will find it impossible to fill the role. When I applied for the role it had been advertised for months.

The other staff are not your concern. From the sound of it the do not give a shiney shite if they leave you to cover them.

Call in sick today and tomorrow. Use today to de stress before your weekend away.

A job that brings dread is not worth it.

Does the 5 hours a week wage make so much difference that you can’t afford to lose it?

I say this as someone who worked FT in a job that was so horrendous I ended up walking out after months of bullying and awful behaviour.

I know term time jobs are like rocking horse poo to come by. But you need to seriously consider whether 5 hours a week is worth the cost to your mental health.

Maybebabyno2 · 19/01/2023 08:59

My mil does this all the time, simular sort of role. Not something I would do but she seems to get away with it all the time.

Whinge · 19/01/2023 09:00

Ideally I wanted to wait a few weeks and go away at February half term but we cannot afford to pay those prices

If you can't afford prices in the school holidays, then perhaps it might be a good idea to look for a job that's more than 5 hours a week?

Original poster
KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 09:00

It won’t make any difference to my health, you’re right, but by phoning in sick I won’t potentially come home from work stressed and then be expected to snap into happy holiday mode. I’ve already explained I’m autistic with that i struggle with burnout and also transitioning from one activity to another, in need time in between. Eg I very say when I come home from work I’m relieved the house is empty as I need that one and half hours to decompress. Although know you probably won’t get it and think I’m just making excuses.

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 19/01/2023 09:01

It's not really the right thing to do, but if you're like me I'm sure you regularly work extra hours (I'm an MDS and regularly stay 15 mins late unpaid - job just can't be done during the time allotted and even so we need more staff to support the children. From the point of view, they probably owe you many hours, then I'd do it, but from the other point of view that your colleagues will have to each stay a few mins late, I'm not sure (I doubt cover will be supplied from elsewhere).

Either way, hope you have a good break away.

Sechskrügelgasse · 19/01/2023 09:02

KrossKriss · 19/01/2023 08:47

I’ve not made my mind up at all. I simply said that I haven’t told colleagues about my birthday or weekend away, that’s all.

Well isn't that convenient.

Sapphire387 · 19/01/2023 09:02

Why do you keep trying to justify yourself? You're an adult, you have made up your mind, you don't need everyone on mumsnet to agree with you.

Happygone · 19/01/2023 09:02

Stop making excuses.

Either go or don't but don't try and justify it, it's a shitty thing to do but plenty do it. Just decide if you're happy to be one of them.