To expect DH to sort his own lunch?

[Glasshopper]

This is a recurring issue that I'm finding very tiresome. We both WFH, and every day come lunchtime DH appears downstairs and asks what we have for lunch. I take ADHD meds that suppress my appetite so I tend to skip lunch and pick at something later in the afternoon, and frankly rustling up his lunch is not on my radar whilst I'm sat at my laptop in the middle of something.

He gets very mardy and flustered if it's not immediately obvious what is available to eat, and seems unable to look in the fridge and assess what ingredients we have and come up with a plan. I had batched cooked a chilli at the weekend, and we finished it off yesterday. He's just appeared and asked in rapid succession, before even looking in the fridge, whilst I was in the middle of something (he interrupts me with impunity):

"What do we have for lunch?"
"Did we eat the last of the chilli?"
"There are no leftovers in the fridge then?"
"Do we have any bread?"

At this point I grew exasperated and snapped that yes, as I already said we ate all the chilli. Then I asked why I am the only one who is expected to keep track of the kitchen inventory at all times and plan out his lunch for him, and he huffed off up to his office as though I'm highly unreasonable.

I'm just tired of having to plan meals for an adult man as though he's a toddler. He gets in a mood with me if I show any frustration with this and it leads to an atmosphere, making me feel like I just need to make his food to keep the peace. AIBU?

So solve his kitchen troubles by adding to OPs? Why is it more important that he doesn’t have to worry than OP?

Seriously though, please just tell him to fuck off. My DH is utterly useless domestically and even he wouldn’t pull this stunt. Although my MIL did once suggest I made packed lunches for him and his apprentice 😬

I suggest you tackle it ad hoc, every time it comes up, with the Broken Record technique. Choose your own form of words - but by now, I'd be so beyond exasperated it would be something like "I don't know, but I'm not your maid or housekeeper, so wonder why you can't work out how to feed yourself like a grown man".

"Fuck off" is more succinct...

Point him in the direction of the kettle and a pot noodle.
He can have a yoghurt and a banana for pudding.

Or alternatively he can get his own lunch.

Stick to your guns. Don't be his slave.

Why do you put up with this?

What are his good points and why do you love him?

Years ago my Dh and I had a disagreement re food and cooking, can't remember the details.
Anyway it seemed to resolve itself when I filled the fridge with a weeks worth of ready meals

And then when he gets all cat's bum mouth about it, say "Oh I just thought we were being rude to each other? Since you interrupted me when I've asked you not to?". But then I've become very intolerant of this sort of nonsense over the years.

But you still had to sort it!

OR...

I've have insert choice of meal here (even if it's a crisp sandwich or an apple)

Then turn your back and wait for him to work out where HIS kitchen is.

Same, I have no tolerance for male entitlement. Don’t know why so many women pander to it, it’s so bloody offensive.

He's great in every other way, it's just cooking that seems to be a problem!

And disrespecting your work by interrupting...

Yes the joy of wfh. I'm so glad it wasn't a thing in my husband's day, I am So so glad! He's retired now and I work part time but busy and he knows to sort out his own lunches. Why do men think they've married their mums? And they're still children?

I've often had to say to my OH that he's an adult and perfectly capable of doing things and although he'd live me running around him like his mum did, it ain't happening! Nor will it.

But I went through a lot of guilt and angst to get to the mindset I have now, so I totally get what you're saying OP. You don't want sulks or an atmosphere so it's easier to give in. It's best to have some short term pain for long term gain though.

Pps have made good suggestions. You're in the right.

So he does AT LEAST 50% of all other home/life related chores then?
or to be fair, considerably more than 50% to compensate for you doing ALL the cooking?

His constant interruptions throughout your working day aren’t a sign of disrespect?

Couldn't agree more. And yet in every thread where a guy has unrealistic demands/learned helplessness there are loads of women coming on here to advise women how they can fix it for them. No wonder so many women feel guilty if they don't pander to their lazy husbands.

Pleeeeaaase do this. If this doesn't make it really clear to him how ridiculous and annoying he's being, treating you like his mother, then nothing will.

Oh, OP.

I think I would opt out of lunch altogether.

”DH, I only want a snack for lunch, so from now, I will sort my lunch and you need to sort yours. Then we won’t argue about it.”

He is an adult. If he gets hungry enough he'll learn to "hunt" on his own.

Surely the only answer to the question 'What's for lunch? that you need is 'Whatever you make'.

If you actually want to work with him to overcome this problem (because as you married him I guess that he has other qualities to outweigh these irritants), I would offer to sit down together and come up with meals that would meet his criteria, that he could pull together himself. If that involves prepping things at the weekend then he could do that. If you would be happy to you could either help him do this, or offer suggestions that would help him to manage to cook fr himself.

This is how it is in my house. Nonetheless, DH has been known to come up and brazenly stride into my office without knocking and talk to me while I was in a fecking Zoom job interview. Whereas I don't disturb his calls / Teams meetings. I made a Do Not Disturb sign in the end.
Also, DH working in the lounge means I can't sit on the sofa on my break without busywork going on and Teams calls in my ears. Does that sound appealing, OP?
Commiserations. WFH is such a double-edged sword.

Can you lock the lounge door? Or at the very least close it and out a poster on the outside saying “In Meetings. Do Not Disturb. Get your own Lunch”.

Inkypinkee, similar ideas here but DH also loves cooking, (he's a really good cook tbf) and he can't comprehend people not being in their food, his friend's are all the same (ones from his youth and uni) they are the ones cooking something at get togethers so New year's eve was a friend of his cooking, all the wives/partners aren't too fussed!

No, he's not, and he sounds absolutely insufferable.

DH grew up in a house where his mum made 3 hot meals a day and I am more the snack throughout the day type. He is very demanding of his mum when we visit her and expects the same treatment he got as a child. It's not a good look!

How you have sex with this twat is beyond me. I sincerely hope you never have children with him. Forewarned is fair warned.

How do you bring yourself to have sex with him? My vagina sealed itself shut just reading that.

Ha! Cross-posted with @Aquamarine1029 :)