Page 3 | He has a son ?? 😢

AbreathofFrenchair · 17/01/2023 21:24

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 20:49

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

So end it 🤷‍♀️ it's been 12 weeks. How well do you really know him anyway?

And when you chat to the next person, make sure the first question is if they have children.

billy1966 · 17/01/2023 21:25

Thats a kinder text than lots would send.

He's a deliberately dishonest liar.

He has denied having children on his profile.

He deliberately never told you on the second date and chatting about children.

He's not nice.
He's an absolute liar.

Get rid of him, he lies very very easily.

You deserve better.

Best of luck to you.

Tickledtrout · 17/01/2023 21:25

Good decision OP. In addition to the deception, he's not exactly dad if the year if he's kept his child hidden and managed to live as if he has no child for three months. I wouldn't bet on him wanting another child tbh

Ladybug14 · 17/01/2023 21:26

I know im off message but even thinking he might be the one to save for IVF with -- after 12 weeks...... is crazy thinking imo

AbreathofFrenchair · 17/01/2023 21:27

Margo34 · 17/01/2023 21:03

Bit weird that he wouldn't have brought it up on 2nd or 3rd date then! Says a lot about him as a parent in itself. Not someone I'd want to consider starting a family with. Leave!

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Interesting as I've seen old posts on this site where women have been berated for mentioning they have children either on their dating profiles or whilst dating someone from OLD.

Yet we expect men to be upfront from the word go and call them liars if they don't

Soothsayer1 · 17/01/2023 21:27

I'd say behaving as if your own child doesn't exist speaks volumes about his character!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/01/2023 21:28

You did right to ditch him.

Not only did he outright lie to you in the conversation about children, and on his profile, but how many times has he lied in general “what have you been up to?” chit chats.

I’m not a bore who drones on and on and on about my kids, but to chat to someone - presumably pretty frequently- over a 12 week period I’d have to actually work to never, ever mention anything child related.

Gymnopedie · 17/01/2023 21:29

I wouldn't call him a liar. he is by omission*, but it gives him room to argue that he didn't actually lie. I'd use deliberately withheld from me that you had a child.

*On the other hand, saying in his profile that he doesn't have children IS lying. And maybe he's such a part time father who leaves it all to his ex that he doesn't count his son as his child. Which would be another red flag.

Helpyou · 17/01/2023 21:29

Is it POF?
I used to be on there and I assumed the 'no kids' question was just a filter for you to filter them out? I didn't think that part was visible to them? I could be wrong though.

Mellymoon · 17/01/2023 21:29

The NHS aren’t going to know he has a child anyway.. you should go private it’s not even that expensive nowadays especially abroad. If you dump him you might find yourself single for ages and having to find any old man to have kids with and even if you do it might not be successful either. If you like him then be with him. Find a way.

Wookiebowl · 17/01/2023 21:30

Tickledtrout · 17/01/2023 21:25

Good decision OP. In addition to the deception, he's not exactly dad if the year if he's kept his child hidden and managed to live as if he has no child for three months. I wouldn't bet on him wanting another child tbh

What? I mean unless him and OP spent every day together (unlikely at the start of a relationship) then it's probably the case that he kept any arrangements he had for seeing his child and just saw OP when he didnt. Presumably if he's having them for 2 weeks then he sees them plenty. It would be far too early to introduce a child, I think it's bad he wasn't honest but cripes, he hasn't kept the child hidden.

Blueberrywitch · 17/01/2023 21:30

I think it’s a little weird that he hadn’t mentioned his son after 3 months dating but potentially forgivable if he was just working up to it, seeing how serious you might be before revealing it (and he did reveal it openly when you asked, he wasn’t caught in a lie).

But the part that’s trickier is that you said no kids in your profile, so him hiding this indicates a dishonest character.

I am quite confused that you won’t date men with kids though? Why does that exclude them from ability to do IVF with you? They might be happy to go through the process with you if they love you? They might be wealthy enough to not even have to save for it. Depending on how old you are a man who already has a child might even be more likely to want more. I don’t really understand why you would have no kids in your profile due to IVF. To me the only reason you would put no kids is because you don’t want to be a step parent, fine obviously but not related to IVF.

CuntyChopss · 17/01/2023 21:31

Mellymoon · 17/01/2023 21:29

The NHS aren’t going to know he has a child anyway.. you should go private it’s not even that expensive nowadays especially abroad. If you dump him you might find yourself single for ages and having to find any old man to have kids with and even if you do it might not be successful either. If you like him then be with him. Find a way.

Yeah, stay with a man who didn’t tell
OP he had kids when they were discussing it and lies about not having kids on his dating profile. Because any man, no matter how much of a shit bag, is better than no man.
RAISE YOUR FUCKING STANDARDS

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/01/2023 21:32

Why does that exclude them from ability to do IVF with you?

Round here they won’t fund IVF on the NHS if either party have a child. Not just the woman.

RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 17/01/2023 21:33

Soothsayer1 · 17/01/2023 21:27

I'd say behaving as if your own child doesn't exist speaks volumes about his character!

YES!

Honestly this really pisses me off. You literally wrote what you were and were not about on a profile, fully informing anyone of your boundaries and some muppet thinks he has the right to waddle in a f**k about with your life like this. The arrogance of the deceit. And the big reveal just at the point things generally start getting serious?!?

Grrrr. Twat.

Well done OP.

AlwaysAReason · 17/01/2023 21:34

He choose to keep it from you despite knowing you would not have willingly entered a relationship with him if he had been honest.
Cut your loses.

My answer would be different if you hadn't specified in your profile no children.

Adviceneeded200 · 17/01/2023 21:34

Perhaps he can't read!

Womencanlift · 17/01/2023 21:34

Very good message OP. I hope you find what you are looking for and it works out for you

I also think it’s been a deliberate omission and he either messed up tonight or realised he couldn’t hide his son any longer. I mean it’s just been Christmas you think if he was being open then having a child would have been mentioned something about presents/Christmas days out etc

blueshoes · 17/01/2023 21:35

Ladybug14 · 17/01/2023 21:26

I know im off message but even thinking he might be the one to save for IVF with -- after 12 weeks...... is crazy thinking imo

It is not. OP's made it clear in her profile. She is entitled to stick to her profile requirements. She does not want to waste time on someone that goes nowhere. She is not thinking about it in relation to him specifically but she is thinking about it generally and it is important to her (as is a partner that does not lie by omission, that sneaky bastard)

neverbeenskiing · 17/01/2023 21:37

Wookiebowl · 17/01/2023 21:30

What? I mean unless him and OP spent every day together (unlikely at the start of a relationship) then it's probably the case that he kept any arrangements he had for seeing his child and just saw OP when he didnt. Presumably if he's having them for 2 weeks then he sees them plenty. It would be far too early to introduce a child, I think it's bad he wasn't honest but cripes, he hasn't kept the child hidden.

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I agree its too early to introduce them, but I still think an involved Father would struggle to hide any sign of his child's existence for three months. He never let slip any mention of him, there was no trace of a child in his home, either he's not very involved or he is a really good liar. Either way it's bad news.

Scooby5kids · 17/01/2023 21:37

I'd say it was a big red flag to hide the fact he had a child fir that long. I mean you'd think that would be a major part of his life that he'd talk about? I'd give him the boot

Ihatethenewlook · 17/01/2023 21:38

Has he responded?

Oblomov22 · 17/01/2023 21:39

He lied to you. Your text was as nicer than most.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/01/2023 21:39

Wookiebowl · 17/01/2023 21:30

What? I mean unless him and OP spent every day together (unlikely at the start of a relationship) then it's probably the case that he kept any arrangements he had for seeing his child and just saw OP when he didnt. Presumably if he's having them for 2 weeks then he sees them plenty. It would be far too early to introduce a child, I think it's bad he wasn't honest but cripes, he hasn't kept the child hidden.

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No one is suggesting the op should have met the child. He’s managed to erase the child from his vocabulary for 12 weeks.

No “I took my son out”.
No “I had a chat with DC before dinner”
No “can’t chat tonight because I have my DC”

just erased the child from his vocabulary for three months. Including over Christmas.

That takes concerted effort.

StillWantingADog · 17/01/2023 21:39

He shouldn’t have been in touch after seeing on your profile that you didn’t want someone with kids
he’s been really dishonest so I’d ditch