Page 6 | He has a son ?? 😢

CharlotteRose90 · 2023-01-17T20:49:32+00:00

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week. anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday. im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition. what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

JoyPeaceHealth · 17/01/2023 22:29

Red flag. He will misrepresent himself to fit what he knows the woman wants. Not thought at all for the fact that it's a lie and she may feel she has been lied to and had her time wasted.

If he said it on the first date then you could deicde to overlook it or not but 12 weeks in, it's harder and he konws that.

QueenSmartypants · 17/01/2023 22:32

SnowyOwl1 · 17/01/2023 22:28

He lied yes, but did you tell him you can't have children when you discussed wanting them? It's a pretty big deal having fertility issues, has it not dawned on you people might not want to date someone who will struggle? You might be better dating someone who already has children as then you aren't potentially taking away the other person's chance to be a father. Someone who already has children will be far more accepting. I think if you are being picky over this it's only fair you are open too. If someone had told me on the first date they couldn't have kids without ivf there'd have been no second date.

Oh give over! She's not being picky.

Even if she was happy ti date men with children, him neglecting to mention his own for 3 bloody months would be a massive deal breaker!

AdoraBell · 17/01/2023 22:33

I would ditch him. How the hell would a parent not tell you that they are a parent?

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 22:34

SnowyOwl1 · 17/01/2023 22:28

He lied yes, but did you tell him you can't have children when you discussed wanting them? It's a pretty big deal having fertility issues, has it not dawned on you people might not want to date someone who will struggle? You might be better dating someone who already has children as then you aren't potentially taking away the other person's chance to be a father. Someone who already has children will be far more accepting. I think if you are being picky over this it's only fair you are open too. If someone had told me on the first date they couldn't have kids without ivf there'd have been no second date.

Yep I told him. I’m open about it. No point denying it. Obviously didn’t tell him everything but I told him I will need help and that I’ve already been checked etc . Obviously it’s occurred to me that people might not want to date someone that can’t conceive easily. That’s fine and I wouldn’t judge them the same as I don’t expect to be judged for not wanting to date someone with kids for reasons I’ve said earlier.

OP posts:

VestaTilley · 17/01/2023 22:36

Ditch him, he’s kept this from you.

He also can’t be a very nice man or good father if he’s never proudly mentioned his son before now. Most fathers are bursting with pride about their kids.

TheHateIsNotGood · 17/01/2023 22:38

Rather than focusing on this bloke's failings (he hid the kid) I'd ask myself "what do i want from a relationship?"; the answers aren't set in stone. Do you want a possible IVF father to possibly have children with or do you want a relationship?

Giving birth to dc isn't the be all and end all, tbh it's majorly overrated if most were honest about it. However I appreciate the inner wanting when all around are 'sprogging', being an unexpected new entrant to childbirth long after I had accepted that my body couldn't do it. It did.

JulieMarooley · 17/01/2023 22:38

He’s been living a lie with you on every date, for 24+ dates!

Either that or his son is not in his thoughts enough to come to mind in 24 dates’ worth of conversation.

Regardless of the IVF situation I could not get past that.

Isthatyourname · 17/01/2023 22:39

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 20:53

100%. But I think In my head I’m thinking if he was the one I’d be open to Saving for ivf. I just hate that he’s lied to me.

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He’s not mentioned HIS OWN SON during the whole 12 weeks getting to know you?! Not forgetting that you have said you didn’t want to date anyone with kids. The deception! He is not ‘THE ONE’ he’s a big red flag.

SnowyOwl1 · 17/01/2023 22:43

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 22:34

Yep I told him. I’m open about it. No point denying it. Obviously didn’t tell him everything but I told him I will need help and that I’ve already been checked etc . Obviously it’s occurred to me that people might not want to date someone that can’t conceive easily. That’s fine and I wouldn’t judge them the same as I don’t expect to be judged for not wanting to date someone with kids for reasons I’ve said earlier.

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That's fair enough, at least you are open on the first date. Hopefully you find someone decent soon 😊.

Honeyroar · 17/01/2023 22:46

Isthatyourname · 17/01/2023 22:39

He’s not mentioned HIS OWN SON during the whole 12 weeks getting to know you?! Not forgetting that you have said you didn’t want to date anyone with kids. The deception! He is not ‘THE ONE’ he’s a big red flag.

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Yes. This. His son should be the most important thing that he wants to tel you about!

caringcarer · 17/01/2023 22:54

Good job you found out now. He has deceived you after reading your profile. I'd end it before you become too attached to him.

EyesOnThePies · 17/01/2023 23:01

What kind of a Dad denies his child for 12 weeks?
A shit one.

dontgobaconmyheart · 17/01/2023 23:02

I wouldn't like that OP and would view it as a red flag.

He's gone about it on purpose and put himself first and didn't think of your feelings at all just in the in hopes of getting what he wanted, even if dishonesty and misrepresentation were required to do it. I can't see what's desirable about him in this instance. As a father, denying the existence of your own son so you can pursue romantic/sexual interest is pretty grim and not qualities I'd be looking for in someone I might co-parent with one day. Consider him as you know he is and not what you want him, or this to be.

You need to put yourself first and should do nothing but that. For me in this instance it would involve not progressing with him any further, but people need to make their own decisions.

Ourlittleharmonica · 17/01/2023 23:04

The fact that he has a son wouldn't bother me as much as the fact that he could hide something that important for 12 weeks. That's a huge red flag and you're right to end it. Hopefully you will find someone more honest!

echt · 17/01/2023 23:19

I think if you are being picky over this it's only fair you are open too

"Picky"?

Unbefuckinglievable.

DarkShade · 17/01/2023 23:20

Anyone who will date you for 3 whole months and never mention their child is either not serious about you or is not serious about their child. Neither option is a man you want to choose for the father of your own child. Good riddance.

AthenaPopodopolous · 17/01/2023 23:24

Some men with say anything to get a leg over, or lie by act or omission. Ditch and vet carefully next time OP.
Are u sure you’d really need ivf though? Some women fall pregnant unexpectedly when they think or have been advised with infertility.

GetThatHelmetOn · 17/01/2023 23:28

It is easy to see why he didn’t tell you considering your strong views on the subject, he may have been quite convinced he would lose you after he knew about your stance.

Having said that, I would find it difficult if someone omitted such important information whatever his reasons.

I would say. however, that it far easier to find a sperm donor than a nice long term partner so if having a child is your priority AND the clock is ticking go and get the sperm donor first and find a good partner later.

JenniferBooth · 17/01/2023 23:30

As soon as i saw the thread title i knew it was about someone who had lied about not having kids in a dating situation Was a couple of other threads like this on here last year

Coffeepot72 · 17/01/2023 23:37

Deceit by omission

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 23:37

JenniferBooth · 17/01/2023 23:30

As soon as i saw the thread title i knew it was about someone who had lied about not having kids in a dating situation Was a couple of other threads like this on here last year

Oh really. Atleast I’m not the only one .

OP posts:

Felix01 · 17/01/2023 23:44

Sounds very weird and like he's a shit dad. A child is a massive part of your life to not bring it up when you were discussing kids is weird. Would you really want to have IVF and reproduce with someone like that ? Run op and don't look back.

Rewis · 17/01/2023 23:49

His online profile says he doesn't have kids, he claims his sons room is an office, makes no mentions of a child for 3 months. And claims to he looking for a serious relationship. Daddy of the year right there.

JenniferBooth · 17/01/2023 23:49

@CharlotteRose90 Nope you arent And in the other cases it was also the blokes doing the lying too.

Soothsayer1 · 17/01/2023 23:54

His online profile says
classic 'bait & switch' maneuver innit, he indulgently assumes she will fall instantly in love with him and laugh it off as a minor indiscretion 😳