To ask if parenting really was easier in the past?

[germanbight]

My beloved grandma, who lived on a small farm and really ran it alone, always used to tut at toddlers/small children who were being naughty out and about and always told me that when she had her children it was all much simpler— especially in the baby phase.

Apparently routine kept all 4 children perfect from baby-hood. Baby fed every three hours until it slept through, all children off for an afternoon nap after dinner and bedtime a prompt 7:30 until they were 10. She always used to say that now parents adapt to fit the baby in their lives, but when she was having children they had to adapt to her life.

I just don’t see how it could’ve run on clockwork like that. Was it really that much easier? Just a case of endless CIO?

And also, parents aren’t happier - so many threads about ‘not being able to even shower because of the baby’. What?! Just put them in a bouncer on the bathroom floor and fucking shower! Why such a martyr?!

Everyone I know in real life does exactly that.

@Cuppasoupmonster I agree, there seems so much anxiety around parenting these days.

Parenting was a lot more lapse I think but devices have a lot to answer for.

Lots of playing alone outside of the home, even in the 90s people were parenting like that where I lived. Just chucked out at 9/10am then in for lunch and out until 5pm again. One child aged 4 had ended up going to the next town with their sibling and a group of 9 year olds to explore the local woods on an adventure. Having children now, I'm horrified at the thought!

My Nan was pretty good, had lots of activities for us but the TV was on a lot for us during the day if we were there. We could be glued to it if we wanted, although she'd make us watch the soaps when she came in. She'd laugh her socks off if we had an accident and it to made us more resilient, we didn't often cry about getting hurt unless it was really bad so there wasn't huge amount of bothering her.

With devices, on demand, etc, children don't know how to be bored and find stuff to do within the home or garden themselves. I find a lot of the time, when my eldest is hard work, it's over being "bored" (a consequence of my reliance on devices during covid and post covid overwhelm).

Definitely easier in the past because dc back then had to just 'fit in' to whatever life the parents had to live. With most dc left to their own devices from a very early age no matter what socio-economic life they were born in.

Nowadays, there's little room for anything other than the current prescribed/proscribed versions of childhood and parenting which reflects the 'regimented' processes of actually living life, with or without dc, nowadays; no room to manouevre, just a 1984 plod on at different levels alpha, beta, etc.

You forget what it’s like I think, especially the baby stage.
My MIL told me all her children slept through from birth. I’m sure this is total bullshit.
Her idea of babysitting was locking children/babies in rooms and ignoring them. I imagine not caring made everything easier.

With devices, on demand, etc, children don't know how to be bored and find stuff to do within the home or garden themselves

Children's worlds are a lot smaller now. It's easy to say "in my day we went out the house at 8am and came home at 6pm from 4 years old"

Do that now and social services would be at the door. Schools would log safeguarding concerns and, most likely, the kids would be at risk of being run over, exposed to by the many perverts that roam the streets or stumble upon people on Spice in the street.

It's simply not possible for them to be out and about as much as kids in the 70s or whenever were.

Thank fuck for devices tbh. I'd argue more active parenting has to happen now as there is no "out all day" option.

My eldest were also born in the 80s and most of what you've written is not true.
Well not for me and most of my friends.

With devices, on demand, etc, children don't know how to be bored and find stuff to do within the home or garden themselves.

I agree. So many kids seem to be constantly timetabled and entertained, with endless clubs and visits to petting zoos, soft play etc. I’m a firm believe that it’s great for kids to be bored and to learn to entertain themselves.

I think we'll never know because each generation has its difficulties but I can say I think it's be becoming more difficult to parent teenagers as time goes on.
Teenagers today have much more complex issues than what we did in the 80's and early 90's.

Also was I the only kid that never asked parents ‘what are we doing this weekend’ because I knew the answer would be ‘nothing’?! Or at least nothing planned for me on their part unless a special treat - it was just playing out with kids on the estate or staying home with my books/toys/swing.

Mine were fed by the clock, put up the garden for naps morning and afternoon, expected they would sleep through from twelve weeks or weighing twelve pounds whichever was first (mine slept through from six weeks).

Mine too. It was the way everyone did it then. In my case, mid 70s. As toddlers bedtime was 7pm after a bath. We believed it was important to get into a routine and stick to it. When I see posts here I often think how much easier it was to do it that way.

We didn't get bored as had so many siblings to do things with. We were definitely not allowed roam off or left to our own devices but having siblings meant board games/ card games etc were more fun. There was always someone to do things with. I think also getting our own chores (which we hated and grumbled about just like now) made us more independent and built our confidence. Having to negotiate with siblings about who did what built skills for work life later.

This is a sensible post. I do get irritated by the posters who seem to think that modern parents are the only ones who actually loved their children and had their best interests at heart. I hear plenty of stories of neglect, not to mention babies and small children being killed, so we are still far from living in a perfect world.

Children being the centre of the universe however is a relatively new thing, and I don't necessarily think it is good. So many modern kids can't entertain themselves and parents run themselves ragged organising and transporting them to various events. I belong to the generation who made their own fun and it seems we had a more carefree life, and it must have been so much easier for our mothers. I also always knew my parents were there for me if needed, but mostly they just let me get on with things.

@TheShellBeach it might not be how you did it but it's how I did it and a lot of my friends especially the working ones I gave work notice of my intention to return when dc were six week old. It was important that they were in a routine as I dropped off at 7.30 and picked up at 6pm. Childminder as well wanted them in a routine as she also had her own children and another mindee to care for so naps and food had to fit in around her days as well.

Yea right. Those cloth nappies and no washing machines for starters! I'd say it was much harder back then, though I don't think parenting was as child-centred as it is now (iyswim).
I'd say babies/toddlers stage was harder then, tweens and teens harder now.
People also tend to forget the bad stuff for self preservation.

The nappies weren’t that bad. I was a very, very sad person as I took great pleasure in a line full of snowy white nappies flapping in the wind.

All these memories of being kicked out the house at breakfast and only being allowed to come in for meals...It never seems to be raining in any of them! Life wasn't perpetual summer, what did you do in the winter?

I doubt it with no modern appliances or conveniences and the mothers expected to do everything. I'm sure everyone was alot more judgemental too

And what happened if the babies were hungry and crying before the three-hourly scheduled feed? Or did not want to nap at the scheduled time? Or did not in fact sleep through and woke up and cried?

Were they just ignored?

Basically her complaint is that it's now frowned upon to be abusive to children and that parents are expected to meet their children's needs. This kind of "criticism" hopefully comes from a place of shame for the neglect and abuse of children in previous generations.

Yep. And given population growth in the intervening period the percentage difference is huge.

I remember three children I knew when I was younger who died tragically. Each death was totally preventable and wouldn't have happened if their parents had been looking after them.

I don't disagree with you. Whilst that's how it was when I was growing up, my mother never chucked me out. I think I was probably about 10 before I walked to the end of the road alone.

Devices are definitely the lesser of evils, I just notice a difference in my child's behaviour. I'd prefer it if toys, trampolines, skipping ropes, etc. were played with and preferred more. Independent play is important too.

Devices are definitely the lesser of evils, I just notice a difference in my child's behaviour. I'd prefer it if toys, trampolines, skipping ropes, etc. were played with and preferred more. Independent play is important too.

I had children living over the back fence from me a few years ago - the youngest is probably 18/19 now - and they were always outside, winter and summer. They had a trampoline, a pool, they played football, they climbed trees (and had a tree house), they had a couple of dogs, and I loved listening to them. It reminded me so much of my childhood, but sadly it seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

Also, regarding the "out all day" style of parenting in the past. None of the kids in my town just took off wherever they liked, their parents generally knew where they were. We used to play with our friends at their houses - outside generally - they would come to ours, we went to the park etc., went to the swimming pool in summer, roamed the cemetery (yes, that was a thing!), went to the shops. There was a lot more freedom to come and go, but we weren't randomly wandering around. However, we certainly weren't constantly taken to organised activities, and had to make our own fun.

Children at any age did not have the internet and mobile phones and so were escaping any bad things from school etc, and probably this made parenting easier. Less bad influences I think.