To ask if parenting really was easier in the past?

[germanbight]

My beloved grandma, who lived on a small farm and really ran it alone, always used to tut at toddlers/small children who were being naughty out and about and always told me that when she had her children it was all much simpler— especially in the baby phase.

Apparently routine kept all 4 children perfect from baby-hood. Baby fed every three hours until it slept through, all children off for an afternoon nap after dinner and bedtime a prompt 7:30 until they were 10. She always used to say that now parents adapt to fit the baby in their lives, but when she was having children they had to adapt to her life.

I just don’t see how it could’ve run on clockwork like that. Was it really that much easier? Just a case of endless CIO?

@Wilkolampshade i think you make an excellent point. Despite complaining that being a parent is ‘relentless’ and ‘exhausting’ we’ve never had it easier in terms of housework, cooking etc, and more time to do ‘activities’ with our kids. I can see how, with that workload, clean and fed becomes priority and nice fluffy things take a backseat.

My mum was the same, it was the 90s so easier but 5 small children under 10 🤯 it was very much about just keeping up fed and clean and relatively content rather than obsessing over our emotional well-being, planning activities and so on.

A lot!

@PennythePenguin exactly the point.

@Cuppasoupmonster Quite. Mum wasn't an easy woman but my god, she was completely physically exhausted most of the time.

Babies were left to cry early in so they didn't cry when left in a cot/pram once older.

Children were expected to entertain themselves

Hitting was more prevalent children often feared a smack

Adults needs/wants were more important than children's

Often mother didn't work

Tighter knit communities supporting each other

No social media/ internet to compare/distract

Childcare was more than half my salary though and no help with childcare fees. By the time necessary bills were paid there was nothing left.
There was still gas, electric, rates, water rates, food, clothing, monthly bus pass, tv licence.
No mobile phones in those days and I couldn't afford a landline.
I breastfed until I went back to work but wouldn't have been able to afford formula anyway.
All furniture and white goods were 2nd hand, I had a twin tub that leaked so I had to drag it out into the back yard on a Saturday morning to do the washing come rain or shine.
Yeah, it was a dream!

I fed on demand with mine in the 70s, it was encouraged in my experience. I got help from HV with expressing milk as I had lots and local maternity hospital collected the milk I expressed.

I used to take mine in the bath with me, lots of fun with them but not as relaxing as a nice soak by yourself but I preferred it to crying babies.

I agree the lack of help with childcare costs made childcare difficult. It is why when I was a child all the working class women only worked part time unless they had relatives who could provide care. They could not afford childcare so it had to be evening and weekend cleaning jobs, or shop or factory work during school hours.

I agree, but this fact is overlooked by those hell bent on telling us how dreadful child rearing was in earlier times, and how previous generations of parents didn't love their children, neglected them etc. - which still seems to be happening despite us living in this utopia of perfect parents!

I think it’s unlikely that MH issues are ‘more common than ever,’ now. I think MH issues are now more commonly recognised. Perhaps the pandemic has seen an increase, but this would also be true of global events in the past - WW2, The Great Depression, the Flu pandemic and WW1 etc..

I do think they are 'more common than ever' and a lot of it is to do with the way life is now. Earlier generations did not have SM, there wasn't this expectation that everyone had to be perfect and it being thrust down our throats how our lives don't quite match up. Bullying is another thing which has changed - there have always been bullies, but once you left school for the day you were generally away from it - unlike now when it continues via messaging and SM. People were content with much less in the way of material things than they are now and most lead a more simple kind of life.

As a child I would have hated being dragged to a lot of activities. I had two a week, to which I walked by myself. If I wanted further activity, I walked to the nice quiet library to do my homework in peace.

I think social media has made us aware you just can't trust folk now though. Horror stories

people were scared to let their dc out 25 years ago when internet was just dawning and social media not a reality

the main stream media did report many high profile cases, Holly and Jessica, Milly Dowler

Social media highlight urban myths and make it appear that paedophiles are ready to snatch your kids. In reality most people way over state the dangers from strangers and under state it from those they know.

When I was a kid it was the Moor's Murderers and the Cannock Chase murderer. On the news and in newspapers but obviously no internet.

I agree with your grandmother, things was simpler primarily because the mother wasn't working. Very hard for full time mother to manage family life and work especially if her partner doesn't help much or if you are a single mom/dad (but if you have a partner who shares the chores equally it is so much easier).

If it’s hard, you’re likely doing it properly.
if it’s easy… well… the opposite

I think it’s a mix.
Ceryain things were harder. Domestic jobs for sure. The average parent would spend hours washing, ironing, cooking from scratch etc. Even making a fire by hand. No flicking on a switch as central heating did not exist.
When I had ds childcare was far more expensive that it is now. Zero help from the government. No after school or breakfast club and limited childcare options unless you were lucky enough to have family support. All the working mums I knew worked school hours, 10am until 2pm. There at a distinct lack of those hours nowadays.
I do remember as a child being terrified by the one of the local bullies who lived on my estate. He made me and a friend show him our knickers. Nothing was ever done about him, things are very different now. Back then it was a case of leaving all the perverts and odd bods to just get on with it.