To ask if parenting really was easier in the past?

[germanbight]

My beloved grandma, who lived on a small farm and really ran it alone, always used to tut at toddlers/small children who were being naughty out and about and always told me that when she had her children it was all much simpler— especially in the baby phase.

Apparently routine kept all 4 children perfect from baby-hood. Baby fed every three hours until it slept through, all children off for an afternoon nap after dinner and bedtime a prompt 7:30 until they were 10. She always used to say that now parents adapt to fit the baby in their lives, but when she was having children they had to adapt to her life.

I just don’t see how it could’ve run on clockwork like that. Was it really that much easier? Just a case of endless CIO?

For a lot of people parenting was easier despite the lack of modern technology, because there was little parenting involved. Kids left to their own devices, and as soon as they were old enough they became "helpers" be that with siblings,housework ,fieldwork etc.

Life was harder, but parenting wasn't necessarily hard.

This entirely.

I grew up in the 80s and was never allowed out on my own at any age. When I was a teen I had a strict curfew and my mum would come looking for me round my friends homes when I was late. We had a routine, warm and loving parents and did loads together as a family. Some of my friends had horrific up bringings in the same era.

My mum still remembers all the toddler tantrums well, I don’t think any generation can escape the developing child brain, it’s just dealt with differently now (and better in my opinion!)

I do think that people pander to children these days at a level that didn't happen back in 'the day'.

Definitely.

When my parents had a rear seat belt fitted for me in 1983 or so people asked them if that wasnt a bit over the top safety wise.

My siblings and I were extremely well behaved children but that’s because you knew the consequences if you weren’t. Back then parents didn’t really worry about the impact of their behaviour on their children.

Those scary public safety videos from the 80s spring to mind, because you'd be kicked out of the house all day and left to your own devices! Imagine nowadays saying to little Jimmy right, off you go and don't come back until the streetlights go on! I remember roaming the streets with my sister when I was 4, and she was 7!
Parents definitely have it harder now because there are more expectations and less likely to have immediate family live close enough to babysit, plus a lot of women who are grandparents now work well into their 60s!

This was me and my siblings in the 80s, we were between 3 and 8 roaming the streets of London in the summer holidays from 8 am to 9pm, we weren’t the only ones but I just don’t know how we didn’t come to harm.

Mid 70s babies here but yes I had a very similar life scenario. I'm not saying really it was better as times have changed massively but my life was always organised and I went out to work 3/4 evenings a week. It seemed so much easier than what I read about now.

There's a great book called the hours before dawn by Celia Fremlin. Written in 1950s.

A mother is so exhausted by having a baby up all night (her husband expects her to keep it quiet) and running a household with crappy 1950s tech and looking after older kids - there's a creepy threatening person in her house but she's too tired to care.

I don't think the past was better.

I'm sure some things were easier, and some were harder.
One benefit of "now" is that people can access support and information online.
A benefit of "then" was that you didn't have to worry about online grooming, mobile phones/screens etc etc.
When I was a child- and this was in the 90s- there didn't seem much understanding of learning difficulties, neurodivergance etc. If you couldn't keep up/understand the work, you were just left to get on with it really.

Children are entitled now.

I get criticism from my "elders" now if they ask what I've done on my day off with the kids and I answer laundry or housework "you shouldn't be wasting time on that, get out and about with the children! Get the paints out! Bake a cake!"

Err..... the house still needs a basic clean and there's no clean pants and when the fuck did you do those things with me when I was a kid??

How do you mean?

Housework was far more time consuming. Washing clothes by hand or with a dolly tub or going to the launderette for example, very few ready prepared foods, walking to the shops for food.

Some things were easier. Babies and toddlers sleep much better if put outside in a pram which used to be common for naps and also I think sleep better at night. Most children would play with neighbours children so you did not have to entertain as much. And because of this children learned how to play without adult intervention.

On a small farm you have to be strict with children so her children probably were very well behaved. There are too many dangers around for natural consequences or gentle parenting. So you have to be strict about what they can not touch and where they can not go.

But there will be some rose tinted spectacles as well.

“The past” encompasses a very long time! I was born mid-1970’s and the parenting obstacle that springs to mind is lack of maternity (let alone paternity) leave. Maternity leave was just being introduced but it wasn’t widely offered so my Mum had to leave her deputy head teacher position when five months pregnant. She was expected to leave before she really showed! Childcare options were limited, certainly no free nursery hours so many Mum’s couldn’t go back until their youngest was at school, which is what my Mum did. Even then, it was difficult with the lack of wraparound care. Family members and other Mum’s helped each other out a lot with school pickups ( at least that was how it worked n our family).

Free range parenting was definitely the norm and I’m sure many accidents happened. On the flip side, we had so much freedom and I enjoyed it. It wasn’t necessarily neglectful as my parents always knew where I was and who I was with, and I had to be home by a certain time or they’d be out looking for me.

I didn’t experience corporal punishment at home or at school-was it still used at schools in the 1980’s?

Overall, I think the financial pressures were lower for many parents so that may have made it easier, but career opportunities for women were limited once they became parents, unless they had alot of support or money. Plus they were often “expected” to stay at home. I’m sure that made parenting harder for many.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz That sounds like they regret not doing those things and instead doing housework.

Well they need to stop judging me for it!

I was born in the 70s, the household ran on one income til my mum got a part time job when I was 9, we weren’t well off but mortgage was only based on DF’s salary.
I liked mum being home, my parents were more strict but we also had more freedom than kids these days.

There wasn’t the dreadful competitive parenting like today, but, there was a different kind of pressure on parents, there was less tolerance of difficult children , I was once having a tantrum in a shopping centre and a bloke offered my mum his stick to beat me with,( she declined) I also had to be removed once from a hotel dining room as I was being a twat and ‘spoiling it for everybody else ‘.no evening meal for me that night, I remember the deep shame mum felt when I played up in public, when we got home I would be sent to my room for hours.

My sister was a difficult baby and would cry constantly if she was not picked up, mum took her to the doctor who told my mum to put her in the pram and leave her at the bottom of the garden!

On balance I would say it was easier, especially in the infant years, the pressure I was put under to breast feed was horrendous, my mum was told told not to breast feed by the midwife as I was a big baby and I would wrench her breast off . Also mum had a week in hospital to recover after giving birth, I had more of conveyer belt experience and poor maternity care.

Also I think children who are very physically active are often better behaved and children get way less exercise these days.

In that parenting techniques have progressed to allowing children to have much more of a say in their lives than I did - born early eighties.
I’m not wholly sure that’s an entirely good thing - it seems to me to a) give an illusion of far greater control over their lives than they actually possess or should be responsible for and b) I’m not altogether sure that giving children that sense of individual control is conducive to societal well-being.
We’ll end up growing a nation of self-centred Thatcherites. Sorry, a nation of more self-centred Thatcherites.

I think parenting was focused mostly on primary needs : to provide food, clean clothes, tidy environment etc and it was more difficult physically as there were no labour saving devices but mentally it was easier there was less pressure from the society.
Also children spend a lot of time outside and older siblings were expected to look after younger ones properly. Nowadays it would be the case for social services involvement.
And yes to more stronger community, people used to live closer. I remember at 12 looking after my cousin’s 2y.o daughter for 2 hours between parents shifts (she was usually sleeping), we used to live 15 minutes away from each other. But when my daughter was 2 her nearest cousin was at least 9 hours away ( that includes an air flight)

I think life was simpler and there wasn’t massive expectations that social media have brought. It was generally considered to be enough if the baby was clean fed and comfortable. There was no expectation of tummy time, baby signing and massage and sensory play etc. I took mine to clinic to be weighed once or twice, childminder would take them if I asked and she took them to mother and baby group held once a month in the church hall. The dc went to do the food shop on Saturday with me as I’d been at work all week and they’d go to the park or Granny’s with Dad so I could cook and do housework on Sunday before work on Monday. So yes I was busy but I think less busy than parents who work full time nowadays as they feel they must fit in a whole lot more in the limited time outside of work.

Yes, chuck your kids in the garden for most of the day or only let them in one room.

Bit of both. Rose tinted specs but children do respond well to routine and boundaries, which are lacking in today’s ‘child-lead’ parenting styles. For all of our new methods kids don’t actually seem happier, if anything they’re more miserable/anxious!