To not want to cook dinner after 8pm?

[mollynolly]

DH commutes often and informs me around 6ish what train he will be getting home. Often he's in around 8pm, and if that's the case I prepare food in advance and have it ready for then. But my cut off is 8pm, because he's rocked up at 9 before expecting his dinner and by then I am pretty much ready to go to bed.

I do the wake ups, breakfasts, school runs home stuff, caring, studying and all meal prep and cooking.

Tonight I'm tired. I've been deep cleaning one of the kids rooms, and he's autistic so it's super trashed. I've also deep cleaned the kitchen, tidied and hoovered the lounge, done two hours of admin around sons direct payments, school runs, homework time, made tea for both kids, cleaned up and done the dishwasher.

I'm about to do bedtime.

I don't want to make his fucking dinner at 8pm. I want a hot shower, pjs, something quick and easy to eat (if id known earlier he would be later back I could've got myself a ready meal or something) and I want to maybe watch a bit of crap telly and relax.

So I sent this: 'Ok, I don’t really relish the idea of cooking dinner at 8.30 so if you’re getting a late train I’d suggest maybe getting yourself a ready meal, or ideally letting me know in advance so I can sort myself out or eat with the kids'

And I just got 'yeah sorry'

My next reply will be 'Ok sort yourself out, I'll get something for me'

Is this awful? I'm tired!

Do you expect an grown man to come home and eat potato waffles and chicken nuggets?
I mean, as a one off maybe I would, but it's not sustainable and it seems the issue is with the kids not eating proper food.

Disclaimer: I see the OP has said her husband thinks chicken and rice isn't appropriate and that pasta isn't appropriate either. This does seem odd, so I do wonder whether he is a fussy eater himself. Perhaps OP could clarify?

Maybe OP could you do chicken and rice for the kids and then take the chicken out for kids and make a curry or whatever with chicken and veg for your husband.?

Same! Why is pasta, chicken and rice or a jacket potato ‘kid food’? Pretty sure my partner and I are adults and we often have pasta, jacket potato and beans or something veggie with rice for dinner

You're not being awful. Get yourself sorted and relax

I just don't get the concept of different food for adults & children.
DC had what the adults were eating, but chopped/mashed when they were small.

The only exception was a special "date night" meal - e.g. lobsters after their bedtime.

Why is pasta not adult food?

Ive made pasta bolognese tonight, DH portion is ready to be warmed as he's the last one home.

Leave your DH to sort himself out.

Another one here who doesn't see the issue with his message back, he's accepted what you have said.

If he wants home cooked meals for when he gets back then either you or he batch cook some meals and pop into the freezer and take out for him ready to heat up when he's back from work. Or if you are happy cooking his meals daily then just do it the same time as you are doing kids and keep aside from him for later
Or, ask him to cook his own meals and again keep aside for later or freeze and take out mornings of eating etc.

What are the kids eating that he considers unacceptable for an adult?

You really need to all eat the same food. Separate meals makes life so much harder and invariably means the kids are eating junk.

"Why is pasta not adult food?"

It's probably that tomato pasta with grated cheddar mush they get at school 🤣 I wouldn't fancy that either tbh.

Why is he ? He apologised.

Can he not just heat up his portion when he gets in.

What kind of food does he expect for dinner?

Wait what? He's been at work. I didn't say he'd been doing nothing all day. Neither have I.

Does he shout 'Hi honey I'm home' as he walks in the door, as you quickly rearrange the bow in your hair and check your lipstick? Remind him it's not 1950 you're no longer obliged to have dinner on the table . Unless of course he'd like fish fingers and chips when you'll quite happily save him a portion.

Hahahaha. Never happened.

With the best will in the world, I have a disabled child diagnosed with ARFID under the Evalina eating clinic. So maybe your advice here is moot.

I don’t get the issue really, he agreed with you and apologied 🤷🏼‍♀️

What sort of meals does he expect? It would drive me mental doing all the multiple meals!

I am a full time carer for our son who attends PLMD school, has blue badge, disability benefits, disability social worker, under multiple agencies and clinics. So I work. And the rest.

Sorted now, as I told him there's a Franco Manca pizza in the fridge and he can have it when he gets in.

The issue isn't him being late, it's just wanting a heads up at a reasonable time.

"Hahahaha. Never happened."

You're really pissed off with him. I suspect this is not about food at all.

Another vote for the slow cooker here - I got mine when the kids were small and dh would come in from work late wanting his dinner straight away. Sausage casserole saved my marriage!

No, that's the absolute truth. He never has. I am the food bitch. But if I have made my bed haven't I.

YANBU.

I hate eating late - and for me that would be after 6.30pm as an absolute emergency. I'd get no sleep at all with a full stomach at 8.30-9pm.

I think you need to eat at a similar time to your kids as your "clock" is more akin to theirs than your DH.

He needs something that can be quickly reheated when he gets in.

Jeez Louise, many families manage to have tidy houses, do life admin and have 2 parents working full time. What a drama over nothing.

His reply was fine too, presume you willingly took on this SAHP role? You sound like you resent him because of it? You in a part time job and him working a bit more flexibly might be something to consider? No time for deep cleaning children’s bedrooms then, can’t say it’s something I’ve ever done!

It sounds like you think you should be making his dinner. It also sounds as if you are royally fed up with having to make and eat the very limited foods that your child will eat - you either eat what they will or you have to make a separate meal, and it's a boring grind. Having to wait without information on whether you need to make a meal for your dh as well and you've hit the tin lid.

Honestly. Does he actually think you should be making him dinner? Presumably he knows that it's a dull worrying task feeding your dc and that you do it every day. What if you both agreed that you eat together on Friday night or something, he sorts family dinner on Saturday but he gets his own the rest of the time? Would that be better?

Yes, my clock is firmly alligned with theirs, including the multiple night wakes. 😬😬😬

I am happy to be the at home person. I just want to be able to have some semblance of an evening (I say that because DS is v much at large, but in his soft pjs with his books and jigsaws, being reasonably quiet, but he won't go to bed until I do)