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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding guest attire

383 replies

honda1114 · 16/01/2023 23:27

NC as I know my MIL is on here!

BIL is getting married in the summer. A little while away, I know, but I have a household full of teenage girls who are obsessing excitedly about what to wear.

Showed one of the dresses my 21yo DD said she liked for the wedding, and MIL said it was far too dressy, and next to the rest of us (who don't even know what we're wearing yet) she will stand out like a sore thumb.

I didn't really know what to say to that as I thought a wedding was about as dressy as you get!

I have been to a few weddings but my DDs haven't been to any since they were small so they don't have a comparison and I can't say I can remember what girls of that age wore at previous ones Ive been to!

I'll attach pictures of dresses similar to what she liked. She doesn't want anything particularly clingy as she is a bit weight conscious (probably due to comments from MIL)

If you saw a young girl wearing a dress similar to these at a wedding would you think she was too dressed up? And if so, what would you expect someone of that age to be dressed in?

Wedding guest attire
Wedding guest attire
OP posts:
Thread gallery
23
PatientlyWaiting21 · 17/01/2023 07:19

Good grief the suggestions are awful. And Hobbs come on they are 21!! OP take a look at these places:
pretty lavish
Ted baker
Never fully dressed
little mistress
chi chi

good luck!

3luckystars · 17/01/2023 07:20

I think you mother in law said ‘dressy’ but she meant something else, I can’t think of the word either, they are just not suitable for a wedding if that makes sense, I think it’s the split, but it would definitely be too attention grabbing (at an Irish wedding anyway). Good for an award ceremony where you want to stand out, but not at a wedding when you want to look nice but not stand out.

im sure you will find something lovely for them.
As mentioned above, at a recent wedding, the younger women are wearing more figure hugging type of dresses with a hat or fascinator.
Have a nice time.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 17/01/2023 07:22

BoganKiwi · 17/01/2023 05:33

There is an etiquette and dress code for weddings that will be explained on the invite:

Morning dress: tails for men, smart daywear for women - skirt suits, shift dress etc. usually for a day wedding.

White Tie: full evening dress. Evening wedding. More like what you have posted

Black tie: dinner suits for men and more glam cocktail dress. Sparkles and satin a bit like your dress. Evening glam wedding

No description and starts before 6pm? Go with smart daywear so a smart or pretty shift dress, summer floaty works perfectly.

Unless it's a white tie/black tie evening and a specifically glam then those frocks are too dressy sorry

You would stand out if you turned up to a wedding in Scotland going by this description.

AramintaLee · 17/01/2023 07:22

I tend to think that it's best to steer away from floor sweeping dresses/prom like dresses to not be confused for a bridesmaid.

Starlitestarbright · 17/01/2023 07:23

Try lispy or quiz they have lovely dresses perfect for weddings.

user1471548941 · 17/01/2023 07:25

I actually think the shape and style of the dresses could work- the issue is it being a block colour, full length which is very bridesmaidy!

If you could find the similar style in an appropriate print/pattern for the season, it could work!

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 17/01/2023 07:27

I wouldn't think the first green oone is appropriate, the burgundy one is nice though, although it looks very bridesmaidish. It would look like shes making a point about not being asked to be BM.

Doodleboodle · 17/01/2023 07:35

Totally unsuitable. Don’t overshadow the bride, in sexiness or any other way!

NotQuiteUsual · 17/01/2023 07:40

They're evening dresses, you wear day dresses for a wedding! I'm sure your girls will find absolutely lovely outfits. But the ones in the OP are evening/black tie and not really wedding.

LightDrizzle · 17/01/2023 07:43

Are you in the US?
Depending on location the long evening dress dress code seems a lot more common there. I only found that out by venturing onto the Wedding Bee forum a few years ago.

It’s not the norm in the U.K., they would look a bit out of place at a normal U.K. wedding where you might see floaty maxi- dresses but it is a smart day dress code, a bit like flat racing Ladies’ Days rather than evening dress.

SomethingOriginal2 · 17/01/2023 07:46

I'd think they'd made an effort to dress up and that they thought my wedding was worthy of it. I'd think they looked lovely.

Brefugee · 17/01/2023 07:54

have not RTFT. But. Most people who are getting married have some kind of idea of the kind of aesthetic they're going for?
Garden Party, boho, evening wear... whatever
so I'd always ask one of the involved people what the vibe was going to be (MIL seems to have done some advanced steering)

But as a general rule of thumb i'd always say that a thigh high (or higher) slit isn't appropriate, and i always think bare shoulders seems off in a church unless coupled with a shawl/wrap/jacket/cardigan

For inspo? why not look at the royal family? (mabe not for 21 year olds) or other society weddings? tbh i always think a dress is a good look on anyone if you pick a style that suits your body and it fits properly. And accessories. Weddings are great for accessories (i'm a hat-wearer though. It's just about my only excuse for a hat these days)

Whatwhatwhatnow · 17/01/2023 08:02

Afraid I agree with the majority. I like the dresses but I've been to a lot of weddings and the only one where people wore dresses like this was one for a German bride where most of the German guests wore full-length evening dresses.

Most of the guests I've seen have worn knee-length day dresses or dressy jumpsuits.

Nannyfannybanny · 17/01/2023 08:04

You say you have a house full of teens,and say young girl,a 21 year old is neither of these things, she's a grown woman. Agree with most posters, completely unsuitable for a wedding,too much flesh on show.

positivethoughts1 · 17/01/2023 08:10

The cut of the dresses aren't an issue for me, people saying too much on show are being a bit overly cautious to me however I wouldn't wear a floor length dress to a wedding unless I were a bridesmaid 😊 if either of those dresses were midi or knee length I think they would be perfect for a wedding guest! Good luck OP! Love a wedding! Xx

positivethoughts1 · 17/01/2023 08:13

Like this green one from AX Paris is very similar to the one you posted but the length takes it from bridesmaid to wedding guest for me! And the wine one is from Quiz.

Wedding guest attire
Wedding guest attire
geekone · 17/01/2023 08:18

Oh dear god this post makes me feel so bloody miserable. Too much flesh blooming hell, those ore not showing too much flesh especially for a 21 year old. Dear god.

I like them and I think they could work, I don’t know how English weddings normally look as @PatientlyWaiting21 said those rules would not work for Scottish weddings. Men in Scotland are quite often in black tie due to kilts others are in suits. Women get properly glammed up.

personally I think maybe the length could have the effect of making them look like bridesmaids, a little jacket maybe something funky and a completely different colour to match contrasting shoes. Or same style and a bit shorter. It’s worth asking the bride, maybe.

Good luck OP

MintChocCornetto · 17/01/2023 08:18

I think the super formal style of dressing at weddings is on its way out tbh - lots of replies I would say are from people your age who are not really very fashionable - e.g. suggestions for them to shop at Hobbs or Coast 😂

However I think those dresses are 'sexy' rather than 'pretty' which is what I think they should be aiming for at a wedding

Pp's rule of 'one of back, leg or chest' on show is a good one. There's a lot of sitting at a wedding and you want your DDs to be comfortable and not tugging at their dresses.

SeenAndNot · 17/01/2023 08:20

Generally speaking floor length satin dresses are too bridesmaidy, you want something just above or below the knee, not too revealing- it’s their uncles wedding, not a prom. Those dresses are a bit more black tie.

The wedding invites should show the colour scheme of the wedding, which bridesmaids will be in.

Nosleepforthismum · 17/01/2023 08:23

I think the dresses are fine OP and I think some of the views here are quite old fashioned! I got married last year and my 21 year old SIL wore something similar and her 24 year old sister wore something utterly gorgeous but probably outrageous by MN standards. A wedding is an opportunity to dress up and as long as it’s not a shade of white it will be fine.

LordSugarTits · 17/01/2023 08:25

The dresses are fine. She's 21 for gods sake, why are you asking her granny for fashion advice? 🤣

RosesAndHellebores · 17/01/2023 08:26

@SeenAndNot just no.

SeenAndNot · 17/01/2023 08:27

RosesAndHellebores · 17/01/2023 08:26

@SeenAndNot just no.

It’s what that age group wears to weddings.

BubziOwl · 17/01/2023 08:28

Well I'm only four years older than OP's daughter, and I don't think they're appropriate for a wedding. I'm not even making comment on or thinking about the fact that they're a bit leggy or the 'sexiness', it's just that they're floor length evening style dresses - that's just not generally what is expected for a wedding in the U.K.!

Remove the leg slit and say it had long sleeves and a high neckline so no flesh on show at all - it still wouldn't be wedding-wear because the flesh is not the issue here.