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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend left my child outside school gates on drop off

352 replies

Bubblegirly · 16/01/2023 20:14

Hello. So I don’t think IABU but want some advise on how to deal with this situation. A few friends take it in turns to take my 5yo to school in the mornings as I work. Today one friend took DC who was playing with another child outside the gates when they got to school. Once the gates opened she just walked in with her kids and left him.

Another mum saw it happen and he went over to her and asked if she could walk him in as her child is in the same class. Apparently she waited after dropping to see if my friend came back looking for him which she didn’t.

friend phoned this other mum at 2.45 and said she had just realised she didn’t drop my DC in to school and did she do it? She sort of laughed it off and said she was miles away etc.

Friend hasn’t told me any of this. I’m feeling really upset and can’t stop thinking about what if something had happened. What if he hadn’t thought to ask someone to take him in or walked in the road etc and she didn’t realise till over 5 hours later. My. Child could have been potentially missing or lost for 5 hours and I wouldn’t have known. I need to bring this up but don’t know how really. We have been friends for 4 years and I don’t want to lose her but I’m also devastated and she will not be taking him again. I think what’s made me so upset is the laughing it off when that’s my baby and it could have been really bad. AIBU to be this upset? How do I approach this?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/01/2023 20:16

I'd probably leave it and just never ask her for anything again.

LordSugarTits · 16/01/2023 20:17

Well she's laughed it off because the alternative is to make it into a massive deal with her at the centre of it.

Who will be taking him instead? It's a lot to expect every morning from your friends.

LordSugarTits · 16/01/2023 20:17

Although obviously she should've made sure he got in to school today!

Comedycook · 16/01/2023 20:19

I wouldn't trust her ever again.

However, I'm surprised this is your childcare arrangement...do you help these people out in return?

Fraine · 16/01/2023 20:19

So she went through the school gates and assumed he was with her kids? She probably just thought he was walking behind her. It’s not like she left him in the middle of the street or forgot him somewhere.

Do you pay her for taking him to school? Maybe she is fed up of taking him every week?

Jibo · 16/01/2023 20:20

Of course you'd have known, the school would have called you if he wasn't there! Does he really need walking in if he's already at the school gates? It's he in reception or Y1?

SomethingOriginal2 · 16/01/2023 20:20

Obviously she should have made sure he got into school safely. YANBU

I don't understand though why he had to ask another adult to walk him in? Couldn't he just walk in himself or is there a special set up where if an adult hadn't have walked him in he'd have been stuck at the roadside?

brillianthopefulness · 16/01/2023 20:20

Yikes. I just can't imagine forgetting someone else's child!
I just would never trust her again.
But I feel like she should know that you know. Though I'm guessing the mutual friend doesn't want dropping in it.
I think you might want to consider a childminder to do drop offs.

rwalker · 16/01/2023 20:21

She made a mistake sure she won’t do it again

it your not happy do it yourself

Original poster
Bubblegirly · 16/01/2023 20:21

Well no she was with her kids and they all go to different classes. So she didn’t take him to his class. He’s 5 he needs taking to class

OP posts:
littlelid · 16/01/2023 20:21

You'll just have to take him in your self or pay someone properly

Ellie1015 · 16/01/2023 20:22

It was an accident, thank goodness all well ans presumably she won't do it again . If you think she could forget again then make other arrangements.

SpaceRaiders · 16/01/2023 20:22

I’d not be able to ignore this. It’d certainly be the last time I asked for a favour like this.

Are you not able to drop him off to breakfast club yourself?

Comedycook · 16/01/2023 20:23

I don't understand though why he had to ask another adult to walk him in? Couldn't he just walk in himself

Aww, he's only 5. He's still tiny. How would he know what to do really...in fact, I think it was quite sensible of him.

Original poster
Bubblegirly · 16/01/2023 20:23

SomethingOriginal2 · 16/01/2023 20:20

Obviously she should have made sure he got into school safely. YANBU

I don't understand though why he had to ask another adult to walk him in? Couldn't he just walk in himself or is there a special set up where if an adult hadn't have walked him in he'd have been stuck at the roadside?

Well yes he could of but he’s 5 and his classroom is through the school. Most early years children aren’t just left at the gates to go in by themselves

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 16/01/2023 20:25

So the other mum called to tell you this?

Helpyou · 16/01/2023 20:25

We all make mistakes and he wouldn't have been missing for 5 hours. The school would have called. I'd be more annoyed about her simply not mentioning it to me.

SundaySundaySunday · 16/01/2023 20:25

She’s doing you a favour. Just don’t ask her again!

Whattaboutit · 16/01/2023 20:25

I think she’s probably sick of being responsible for your child. Doing a favour like this sounds ok at the beginning but it get wearing.

NuffSaidSam · 16/01/2023 20:25

Comedycook · 16/01/2023 20:23

I don't understand though why he had to ask another adult to walk him in? Couldn't he just walk in himself

Aww, he's only 5. He's still tiny. How would he know what to do really...in fact, I think it was quite sensible of him.

Really?! At the schools I drop off to you just drop them at the gate from reception and they go in by themselves.

Maybe it's a massive school though....he did well to ask for help when he needed it. That's a very important skill.

jannier · 16/01/2023 20:26

Our school have teachers on the gate all children of 5 and over have to be left at the gate.
Having said that if that's not your schools policy I wouldn't be happy and would use an alternative like a childminder.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2023 20:26

Bubblegirly · 16/01/2023 20:21

Well no she was with her kids and they all go to different classes. So she didn’t take him to his class. He’s 5 he needs taking to class

She's got three (?) of her own and yours on the regular. That's a massive favour of your friends. Maybe she's tired of it.

No excuse for today but you're expecting a lot.

DarkForces · 16/01/2023 20:26

You need to pay for reliable childcare

Comedycook · 16/01/2023 20:27

Whattaboutit · 16/01/2023 20:25

I think she’s probably sick of being responsible for your child. Doing a favour like this sounds ok at the beginning but it get wearing.

If she's sick of it then she should tell the op...it's no excuse for disregarding the child's safety.

Athenen0ctua · 16/01/2023 20:27

Does he need walking in? We were able to drop at the gates from kindergarten (four and a half).

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