Friend left my child outside school gates on drop off

[Bubblegirly]

Hello. So I don’t think IABU but want some advise on how to deal with this situation. A few friends take it in turns to take my 5yo to school in the mornings as I work. Today one friend took DC who was playing with another child outside the gates when they got to school. Once the gates opened she just walked in with her kids and left him.

Another mum saw it happen and he went over to her and asked if she could walk him in as her child is in the same class. Apparently she waited after dropping to see if my friend came back looking for him which she didn’t.

friend phoned this other mum at 2.45 and said she had just realised she didn’t drop my DC in to school and did she do it? She sort of laughed it off and said she was miles away etc.

Friend hasn’t told me any of this. I’m feeling really upset and can’t stop thinking about what if something had happened. What if he hadn’t thought to ask someone to take him in or walked in the road etc and she didn’t realise till over 5 hours later. My. Child could have been potentially missing or lost for 5 hours and I wouldn’t have known. I need to bring this up but don’t know how really. We have been friends for 4 years and I don’t want to lose her but I’m also devastated and she will not be taking him again. I think what’s made me so upset is the laughing it off when that’s my baby and it could have been really bad. AIBU to be this upset? How do I approach this?

100% agree. Like the world owes you a favour.

OP, I'm with you on this. My DD has just turned 6. At our school we que up along the main road waiting for the gates to be opened. Class rooms aren't opened for another 15mins. Once you're through the gate there's a fair old walk through the school grounds to get to the right classroom. Some are round the back of the building, seperate playgrounds etc.
If my DD was left at the gates, alone and confused where her care giver had gone, there's a good chance she could be run over. It would also be entirely possible - in the throng of people filing through the gate-for her to be snatched.

In your situation I'd be cross too and wouldn't be asking her again.

They take turns dropping off. I wonder how you would feel if someone had forgotten your child somewhere. Just wow. I'm sure some of these responses are for a reaction as opposed to real.

I think you should change your life so you're not being nasty to people online to make yourself feel better.

Not everyone can just leave a job and find one that pays the same, in the right field and fits around their desired hours at the drop of a hat.

OP has already said she's trying to apply for breakfast club.

It wasn't OPs mistake that her friend forgot her son. That mistake lies entirely on the friend. Don't agree to do favours for people if you can fulfil them.

OP has also said that she helps her friends out as well so the whole setup benefits everyone, not just OP.

At what point did I say she did it on purpose? I didn’t but when you’re responsible for someone else’s child you don’t have a moment of madness, simples.

Lovely to read your update @Bubblegirly. I'm glad the friend had the decency to approach you and tell you she had messed up (because she massively had). Hope future drop offs/pick ups go well for you.

you said

If she’s not happy with the arrangement she should say so.

Intimating that it was her way of stopping the massive favour she is doing OP, like she forgot the child deliberately.

And if you don't think it was a moment of madness, then you think it was deliberate......... simples!

So you do think it was deliberate?

OP could've accessed breakfast club before but didn't, because her friends said not to. Maybe she needs to take responsibility for both her actions and her child and not blame others?

Jesus.

Some of the responses on here are insane.

Remind me to thank my friends for being who they are, rather than some posters in here 🤣

OP - I'm glad there was a positive update.
Your original set up sounded lovely, it takes a village after all.
It's a shame it didn't work out. I'm lucky that my child is in the same class as my niece, so my sister and I are always on hand to help each other out. I hope that's ok with other MN's 🙃

No of course I don’t think it’s deliberate. No one would deliberately do that, if the did they shouldn’t be in charge of any children. I obviously meant if it’s too much for her she should say so. Stop being argumentative. Forgetting a child is negligent.

The blame literally lies with the friend who a) offered to take her child to school
b) forgot about the child while at the school gates (hadn't forgotten to collect him from OPs house)
c) also benefits from this arrangement.

OP handed over her child to a trusted friend who had offered to look after said child.

If I offered to take your kid to the softplay with me and left them behind, would that be your fault?

It may be negligent, but it was an accident, so your "you don't have a moment of madness simples" is totally ridiculous! It is negligent, but not deliberately negligent, it was a moment of madness.

The DF doesn't need to say it's too much, that ship has sailed, OP has graciously paused (only paused note) her doing the school run.

OP Is blaming others for the fact her child is not in breakfast club, the fact they were forgotten. She needs to take responsibility for the decisions she made.

If I was working and needed numerous drop offs to school, I would access a proper breakfast club, I would not be reliant on friends etc.

But, OP took the choice not to do that....... the consequences are evident.

This. That person is utterly insane. I'm more careful with other people's children than my own and I'm extremely careful with mine.

I'd disengage from that person completely.

It's not a lot at all. I take another child to school with mine, it makes zero difference to convenience.

Why are some people so mean on mumsnet. I bet if OP met any of you in person you wouldn't say half of the things said here to her face.
It must feel good to be behind a screen. It's no wonder kids a bullying others with the way some of these parents respond to others here. 🙄

Don't be that ridiculous !

Oh do bloody give it a rest@dogdaydown. You're the one being ridiculous. OP has successfully resolved her dilemma, time for you to move troll someone else.

...move on**

Love how your so quick to jump on me but ignore the fact that we all help each other out because you know what we ALL support each other as friends do. How lonely a world you must live in if you don’t seek advise and support from friends!

Oh give over @Bubblegirly you said you didn't access breakfast club because your friends said it was bad!

Have your own mind!

Jesus 😳

Child is only 5 of course you drop them off to the classroom. Why are so many people jumping on this?
Glad you're friend brought it up OP I'd have been as upset as you.

I definitely would say things to people's faces, not everybody has endless support to drop kids off. I have nobody other than my parents, one of whom has cancer. I'd be a lot more grateful for any offer of support from friends.

Thank you. Very lucky to have such lovely friends. Me and DH did a “Christmas Day” with dinner and presents in the holidays for everyone to say thank you and I always make sure to take the other kids out in the holidays like to soft plays or bowling to say thank you. I think some people seem very bitter and jealous on here