Friend left my child outside school gates on drop off

[Bubblegirly]

Hello. So I don’t think IABU but want some advise on how to deal with this situation. A few friends take it in turns to take my 5yo to school in the mornings as I work. Today one friend took DC who was playing with another child outside the gates when they got to school. Once the gates opened she just walked in with her kids and left him.

Another mum saw it happen and he went over to her and asked if she could walk him in as her child is in the same class. Apparently she waited after dropping to see if my friend came back looking for him which she didn’t.

friend phoned this other mum at 2.45 and said she had just realised she didn’t drop my DC in to school and did she do it? She sort of laughed it off and said she was miles away etc.

Friend hasn’t told me any of this. I’m feeling really upset and can’t stop thinking about what if something had happened. What if he hadn’t thought to ask someone to take him in or walked in the road etc and she didn’t realise till over 5 hours later. My. Child could have been potentially missing or lost for 5 hours and I wouldn’t have known. I need to bring this up but don’t know how really. We have been friends for 4 years and I don’t want to lose her but I’m also devastated and she will not be taking him again. I think what’s made me so upset is the laughing it off when that’s my baby and it could have been really bad. AIBU to be this upset? How do I approach this?

Aw poor kid 😞 you should be proud of him that he asked another adult. I’d be upset too. 5 is still so wee.

What do you think is best? Could you say to her in a non accusing tone about the incident or maybe if you’ve made alternative arrangements going forward and want to keep the friendship just leave it?

PPs are being petty because someone takes your child in, although that is a lot to ask.

Of course it wasnt okay!

Can't believe some of the people on this thread! The friend left OP's 5yo outside the school gates, at a school where you take the kids in to school. She forgot him and left him on the street. I would be very upset and angry too OP. School-run-shares are normal and fine. Forgetting someone's kid when you are in charge of their safety is absolutely not normal and not fine.
Doesn't matter what gate arrangements posters have at their own schools, this is what happens at this school.

I'm sure she didn't suddenly decide she was sick of taking him to school so decided to leave him outside. She had one of those moments that happen to most of us and genuinely forgot I expect . Probably busy thinking of a dozen other things. Not great obviously. I bet she had a sudden panic when it hit her this afternoon what she had done.

I can't quite believe this is your arrangement, they're taking your 5 yr old every day and you help them out now and again. That's a huge obligation for your friends who I imagine are busy with in her case her own multiple children. Is your child an only child? Does she have a child the. Same class? If not she's going well out of her way.

'hes 5, he needs walking to his class...' then be a responsible parent and either walk him yourself or hire ctual childcare

In our primary all KS1 children have to be taken to the classroom door at drop off and will not be released until collected by a named adult. Year 3 & 4 they are left at the gate but have to be collected from the yard. They have to be in year 5 before they are allowed to walk to school alone.

No excuse for leaving a 5 year old at the gate whether for free, fed up or miles away and to not realise when she got to class but until 5 hours later wtf? Who can defend or excuse that?

The world isn't as nasty as Mumsnet would have you believe. I'm sure he'd have been fine

This is the problem with over reliance on friends for regular childcare. A one off is fine but for a regular arrangement you need to drop him at breakfast club or use a childminder.

If you say you'll watch someone's kid, you do so. Doesn't matter how long she's done it for or how bad people think you are to ask. If someone doesn't want to do it they should say, not just to a half arsed job.

That said, I'd call and ask what happened today as Jake said he had to ask Lola's Mommy to walk him to class. Just see what she says. Then i'd be inclined to say "I understand it's a lot to ask, to perhaps it's time for me to look at childcare, I've relied upon you all for too long".

Or, If she's contrite then obv it depends on if you can get paid cover for her days or do it yourself before you "sack her" from doing you a favour so you can work.

Also, he wouldn't have been lost for 5 hours.

1. Surely there's some staff at the gate who would notice a 5 yo stood there alone
2. As the parents thinned out, someone would have clicked there was a 5 yo standing there alone.
3. Even if all the parents and teachers left, he's more likely to have walked in to school than away.
4. Even if all the adults ignored him, school would have called to see why he was absent, and would have quickly found him sat outside.

I'm not saying that to exonerate her, but to reassure you.

Not running into the road is something a. you teach at home b. Can only be guaranteed if you insist she has hands on him at all times. With three kids of her own that's unlikely.

Does your school honestly expect parents to come in and walk around the school depositing their numerous kids at the classroom door? That must be mayhem!!

How many times have you forgot that you left a 5 year old in the street and didn’t remember until 5 hours later? I don’t think that’s what I would call a moment!

What! She doesn’t do it every day. I said we all share it. This is actually the first time in 2 months this friend has done drop off. I don’t get why some people are so cross that a group of friends help each other out and saying I’m not responsible. I’m working to provide for my family and thought that as friends have all offered, silly me, that I was letting him go to school with a responsible adult. And no I have a 7yr old too. Who goes to a different school and a 19 year old

Well she’s in the wrong totally but this is why you can’t trust other people with your kids. You have to pay for proper childcare. I wouldn’t say anything to her but never use her for childcare again

I would be fuming! My little boy just started school and his classroom is right other side of the playground a long walk down and he would have been really scared if left outside gates and I don't think he would feel confident asking another adult to help so thank god your little boy did.

If I am looking after someone's else child I am more protective of them than my children! I know how my children are likely to behave and any dangers etc ( running in road, falling over as clumsy) but I don't know how someone else's children will be so I would be more worried and protected whilst they are in my sole care.

I don't know if I would mention, I would be fuming but wouldn't want a row or others to be involved so just would never ask them again, they would Probably guess why eventually!

School Breakfast club is your friend. Yes it costs money but you know your child will be safe indoors.

You literally quoted op saying she doesn't work every day and them lambasted her for her friends doing it every day. They don't!!

And her friend is a grown up who can say a no. If you say yes but mean no, you don't just dump a 5 yo and hope someone takes a hint ffs.

It's happened already so your only choice is to not rely on her again. There's absolutely nothing to be achieved by telling her off. Some parents aren't very switched on and do this kind of stuff with their own kids even.

This. You need proper childcare. She was of course unreasonable and irreaponsible, but you need to sort proper childcare.

Yes I am going to apply for this. I actually wanted to do this originally but all my friends said oh please don’t put him in breakfast club. It’s horrible going in so early when it’s dark and cold etc and we would rather take him.

Does your school honestly expect parents to come in and walk around the school depositing their numerous kids at the classroom door? That must be mayhem!!

yes, up to about year 3 in both the primary schools my DC have attended its expected children are dropped at the classroom or a designated spot. Mine started to make their way to their classrooms on their own in year 3 but I still saw them in through the gate and made sure they were heading in the right direction.

So why don’t you have proper childcare arrangements? Childminder or breakfast club? This seems a really crap set up tbh

Oh dear. She's clearly totally forgotten he was with her.
No this isn't OK. It's good to see you won't be trusting her again with him.
I'd be livid at her for laughing about it too but maybe the best response is to just learn from it and don't do her any favours either.

Because friends help each other.

Sounds like she went into autopilot, especially as she hasn't been dropping your boy off for two months. Doesn't sound malicious or she's sick of doing it.

You need to get yourself a childminder or get him into breakfast club early so you can take him on way to work.

You need to pay someone responsible and reliable.

I'm confused, if you only live 2 mins away, who's at home when DS is being collected by your friend? Surely an adult is and that adult could just spend 2 mins taking DS to school?