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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

523 replies

DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:01

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

OP posts:
PetitPorpoise · 16/01/2023 20:19

I've never really thought about it in those terms to be honest. There have been one or two times when we've had family parties and both DH and I have been over the drink drive limit, but we've been more than able to see to the children, get them to bed etc. More regularly, I'll have maybe two glasses of wine while we watch a film on a weekend night.

We're lucky in that we don't have to live with the prospect of a life threatening situation being more than a very remote possibility so we don't plan our lives around it.

Original poster
DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:19

Donotgogentle · 16/01/2023 20:17

Couple of glasses of wine/half a bottle.

Kids know when you’re under the influence and it can be weird and upsetting for them to see a parent drunk.

I don’t worry about being able to drive.

Upsetting? How?

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 16/01/2023 20:20

I don't drive so sky's the limit. No emergency duty for me. Bottle of red.

saltofcelery · 16/01/2023 20:20

Define "proper drink".

When not pregnant, I would have as much as a small glass of wine, if I had anything. I am not much of a drinker anymore, firstly I don't like how more than a little glass makes me feel and mainly I don't think it's responsible to be drunk when there are children in the house.

A one year old is a baby and a 2.5 year old is a toddler - a 7 year old is still little. Your odds of one of them getting poorly in low aren't low. Would you wake up if one was vomiting? I know if I was drunk I wouldn't.

I can tell which side you're on by how argumentative you're being to other posters.

AuntieEntity · 16/01/2023 20:21

@IWineAndDontDine It's a fair point to claim someone has an anxiety disorder if they don't want to drink whilst in sole charge of their child? What bollocks.

Donotgogentle · 16/01/2023 20:21

DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:19

Upsetting? How?

Show quote history

Because children rely on you to be responsive and in control. It can be upsetting if you’re not.

fellrunner85 · 16/01/2023 20:21

Two or three glasses of wine if my own kids. None if someone else's.

I don't drink anyway so it's a moot point for me, but if I did I think I'd want to stay coherent enough to be able to respond, whatever happens.
I think the driving issue is a bit of a red herring unless you're extremely rural/isolated and can't get a taxi or a lift in an emergency.

DelurkingAJ · 16/01/2023 20:22

When they were that small they be up a couple of times a night so, for my own sake, tops a couple of g&ts (maybe a double and then a single). These days (late primary) maybe one more. But I am afraid I’m going to be po-faced and say I haven’t equated being utterly pissed with having a good time since my mid-20s (so long before kids in my case).

SpinningFloppa · 16/01/2023 20:22

Never really thought about it tbh, I would have a few. I had quite a bit on new years (not drunk) but I don’t drive anyway so I would normally get a taxi.

Gingerlygreen · 16/01/2023 20:23

You haven't said what is a 'proper' drink or why being sober enough to care for very young children or drive if you need to is 'life ruiner'.

Would you be happy to let a drunk look after your children?

WeWereInParis · 16/01/2023 20:23

As long as I could still make reasonable decisions in an emergency, or even just if a child was ill, then I think that's fine. I don't drink that much so never have more than a couple of small glasses anyway - DH and I take two nights to finish a bottle of wine so neither of us are ever drunk.
I wouldn't specifically make sure I could drive though. DH doesn't have a license (medical condition that disqualifies him) and I'm obviously perfectly happy for him to look after the DC by himself so I don't think you need to be able to drive to take care of children.

Eixample · 16/01/2023 20:23

Who defines having a life by the amount of alcohol they drink, though? Most people can have a great time when sober.

DuplicateUserName · 16/01/2023 20:23

What's your agenda her OP because going by some of your replies, I'd say you do seem to have one.

Everyone has different alcohol tolerance levels, so the answers will be very varied.

How much do you think is ok to drink?

PetitPorpoise · 16/01/2023 20:23

Upsetting? How?

@DuffLite it's clear that some people speak and behave completely differently when they are drunk. They might be loud and annoying, they might get emotional or aggressive, they might be staggering around bleary eyed. I know some lovely people for whom alcohol has a big effect on their personality and behaviour, and I can very much see how children might find that hard to understand.

Original poster
DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:25

Lot of worry worts on here clearly

I will get shot down but I don’t see anything wrong with getting pretty pissed so long as the kids are doing their own thing (ie they’ve all had their evening meal etc and are just chilling out and playing etc waiting for bedtime), so long as you aren’t a bad (ie abusive or emotional etc) drunk and so long as a majority of it occurs after the youngest ones are in bed

OP posts:
Headabovetheparakeet · 16/01/2023 20:25

Donotgogentle · 16/01/2023 20:17

Couple of glasses of wine/half a bottle.

Kids know when you’re under the influence and it can be weird and upsetting for them to see a parent drunk.

I don’t worry about being able to drive.

Yep, I agree with this.

I remember that feeling of being around drunk adults as a kid, I didn't like it.

bloodywhitecat · 16/01/2023 20:25

Only one. I need to be able to respond in the case of an emergency, I am a single carer to a child with complex needs including medical needs. I live a good distance from the nearest hospital and need to be able to cope if my little one did have an emergency at any point. When DH had a stroke the ambulance took an hour to get here so I need to be able to deal with stuff until help arrives.

Maray1967 · 16/01/2023 20:26

DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:25

Lot of worry worts on here clearly

I will get shot down but I don’t see anything wrong with getting pretty pissed so long as the kids are doing their own thing (ie they’ve all had their evening meal etc and are just chilling out and playing etc waiting for bedtime), so long as you aren’t a bad (ie abusive or emotional etc) drunk and so long as a majority of it occurs after the youngest ones are in bed

Seriously? There is no way my kids have ever or will ever see me drunk.

Aloezebra · 16/01/2023 20:26

DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:14

Wow. Becoming a mother isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a life ruiner/life ender.

Show quote history

To be fair not everyone sees not sinking a bottle of wine while looking after kids a life ruiner

Eixample · 16/01/2023 20:27

Headabovetheparakeet · 16/01/2023 20:25

Yep, I agree with this.

I remember that feeling of being around drunk adults as a kid, I didn't like it.

Show quote history

Completely agree. I think children are very alert to tipsiness, because they haven’t experienced it and don’t understand it.

Scarlettpixie · 16/01/2023 20:27

DS liked to co sleep and was bf so I barely drank anything until he was maybe 2 and after that just one drink (a glass of wine usually). I would have more once he was school age. Maybe half a bottle and somewhere down the line it went up to a bottle. This became a bit to regular in lockdown so I stopped entirely for a year and now only drink occasionally and rarely at home.

I think the implication that life is over if you can’t drink alcohol is a bit much tbh, your kids are only little for a bit.

i would be interested in why you ask OP.

Babyclb · 16/01/2023 20:27

DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:25

Lot of worry worts on here clearly

I will get shot down but I don’t see anything wrong with getting pretty pissed so long as the kids are doing their own thing (ie they’ve all had their evening meal etc and are just chilling out and playing etc waiting for bedtime), so long as you aren’t a bad (ie abusive or emotional etc) drunk and so long as a majority of it occurs after the youngest ones are in bed

How can a 1 and 2 year old be “doing their own thing” while their parent is pissed?

ClarissaParry · 16/01/2023 20:27

I absolutely hate being even slightly hungover when children are in the house, so I usually avoid having more than 2 glasses of wine when the DC are at home. When they are at their father's, I drink more.

Mine are older though, and seeing to a small child waking in the night while pissed is an absolute nightmare and not worth it in any sense. I think Iafe that mistake just the once.

ClarissaParry · 16/01/2023 20:28

*I made, not lafe, ffs

AuntieEntity · 16/01/2023 20:28

DuffLite · 16/01/2023 20:25

Lot of worry worts on here clearly

I will get shot down but I don’t see anything wrong with getting pretty pissed so long as the kids are doing their own thing (ie they’ve all had their evening meal etc and are just chilling out and playing etc waiting for bedtime), so long as you aren’t a bad (ie abusive or emotional etc) drunk and so long as a majority of it occurs after the youngest ones are in bed

You don't have to be a worrier to not want to get "pretty pissed" in front of your kids. I love a drink and getting drunk, am in my 40s and have worked in the pub trade in the past so no stranger to it. But I wouldn't get drunk in front of my daughter. It's fucking cringe for the kids, especially depending on their ages. How old are your kids, OP?