Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

I'm sorry but its laughable suggest childcare for a couple of glasses of wine which is what I posted.

Yes parents should book babysitters if they want to have a drink.

I’ve heard it all on Mumsnet now.

@Nimbostratus100

a single parent or single father having a few glasses of wine on a Saturday night whilst they relax in front of the telly is nothing to worry about.

when you become a parent - single or not - you don’t have to martyr yourself (in spite of what some posters on here might say!)

@Forgooodnesssakenow

lol’ing at the idea of parents hiring a babysitter if they want a couple of glasses of wine or a few g&t’s.

are you being serious!!

meanwhile in the real world… that just ain’t gonna happen

I think being pissed and parenting don't mix. It may all look fine from the POV of the drunk parent, but I've been at homes where the parents are drunk and the child is upset or getting into fights with siblings etc and the parent is oblivious. Have also been drunk around my kids in earlier days and it was never really worth it - the whole mummy needs wine thing is problematic for so many reasons.

Lol. No. Maybe you can't drink while in charge of children,a nd need to to organise childcare. The idea that the rest of us need to follow your insane lead is laughable.

As for the don't drink in case of emergency crowd, as a parent of a child with a chronic lifelong condition and additional needs, you'd be amazed how fast you sober up when you need to. It's impressive actually. I've gone from several cocktails deep to call ambulance/administer medication/recovery postion/make notes in about 7 seconds, on a few occasions.

Erm, yes. Or diet coke or coffee

Bit of an OTT response OP. I would be baffled by anyone drinking beyond the driving limit when they had primary school age kids, especially if they were very small when incidents and accidents can happen any time and illness appear out of nowhere. They cannot help themselves that's why you don't leave them on their own over night - if you've had a 'proper drink' then you'll be harder to wake if they cry out and maybe not very alert even if you do wake up. Parenting is 24/7/365 unfortunately.

There might be other reasons why you can't drive - accident or so on as you say - but to deliberately put yourself out of action for an emergency is different. And if you have broken your leg or have an arm in cast and have very small children you might be making other arrangments anyway - family staying with you or you with them because of the other things you could not do - baths, carrying on stairs etc. So it is not a comparable scenario as knowingly incapacitaing yourself however slightly.

I would be baffled by anyone not having more than one small drink until their kid is what 12-13 just in case they need driving to the hospital or an ‘emergency’. We’re not talking about getting plastered here but I don’t know anyone who says ‘ooh no better not have more than one small drink in case I have to drive my child to hospital’. That would be very strange.

Now if you’re not a big drinker/teetotal then fine but don’t dress it up like you’re a more responsible parent than someone who drinks a few glasses of wine of an evening when kids are safely tucked up in bed.

I don’t think people are talking about being pissed though are they?

At least most people aren’t. They are talking about not booking an overnight babysitter if they and their partner decide to have a glass of wine with dinner.

Things have got a bit twisted along the way in this thread. OP was talking about getting "pretty pissed". Her own words. She was arguing that she wanted more than her partner's limit of six cans of cider (total 10.8 units).

Baffled? You're actually baffled by people having more than a small glass of wine at a time for a period of somewhere around 11 to 15 YEARS?

Christ. You must be baffled very easily. You have absolutely no idea how life works.

@Devoutspoken
What do people do at Christmas when the extended family are around, drink lemonade?

Well...yeah.

I have no childcare and me and my ‘mum friends’ quite often have a Chinese and wine night with all our kids aged roughly 1-12 present. Kids love watch a film, have snacks in one room and we have takeaway and wine in another.

Then the mums not hosting walk home a bit tipsy with their kids. Latest I’ve walked them home has been about 11pm with the littlest already asleep in the buggy. we live close by in a very safe area so no real risk on the walk home.

My daughter suffers very badly with viral wheeze so I never drink when she has a cold or cough. However I assume if there was a real emergency and i’d had a drink I would just have to deal with it the way any non driver does, by getting a taxi or similar.

I actually like my kids seeing me drink occasionally, growing up my father was an alcoholic and regularly drank himself into a stupor when he was supposed to be looking after us. My mum is completely teetotal, I’ve never seen her touch alcohol and there was a massive stigma attached to drinking in my family. As a teenager I drank heavily and secretly as soon as I was a teenager. My sister kept her alcoholism a secret for years without us knowing and is now on course to drink herself to death before she reaches 50.

I think it’s healthier for my kids to see me occasionally drink moderately in safe and happy surroundings, than for them grow up feeling that alcohol is only for alcoholics and drinking any at all is shameful and wrong because of my experience that doesn’t lead to healthy drinking habits.

why is not getting drunk "martyring yourself"?

Are other people's experiences vastly different than mine? I mean I have 1 child with a seizure disorder and 1 with likely asthma but taking a pulse, reading a temp, administering medications, calling 111, calling 999 infact are all things that have happened out of the blue in our house on several occasions.

The odd thing about this thread is that people seem to be so in denial about what being drunk is - someone is talking about being 'several cocktails in' and needing to suddenly perform medical care but that's ok, someone else is saying 'it's good for my kids to see me drinking as it shows it's healthy.'

Kids don't 'need' to see their parents tipsy. A few cocktails in would be absolutely plastered for a lot of women.

So much normalising of being drunk and incapacitated around kids. Which is actually not OK. I know many countries have a huge problem with alcohol abuse and middle class drinking in women in particular is a growing health issue but the justifications here are fascinating.

It's not the normalisiing of being drink, it's the liklehood of an emergency happening with the kids at the same time, we all have different risk assessments

*drunk

For me it's not only the likelihood of an emergency happening (though that is part of it, and an important part). It's this idea that being drunk is some kind of essential part of your day, to the extent that you'll drink to excess around children, and if you don't do it you've either got an "anxiety disorder" or you're a martyr to your children. Most people here are talking about half a bottle or four glasses of wine or a few cocktails or six ciders to the point of being tipsy or drunk, not just having a glass of wine with a meal, which is different.

I get it, I've been there, but it just sounds so sad to me now.

I remember having a cheeky gin one Saturday evening recently. Then ten minutes later my 13 year old badly broke his arm and luckily DH hadn’t, so could drive him to A&E. it was a nasty break that required an operation. I felt so bad because I couldn’t take him especially he was in huge shock and pain. An ambulance was out of the question and I wouldn’t have wanted a taxi as I can’t guarantee that they’d drive appropriately to keep DS comfortable. Luckily DH hadn’t had anything to drink (but would have done normally!)

It reminded me why I don’t normally have too much to drink of an evening because you never know. yes it was an unusual event but it reminded me that I don’t like wine that much.

Alcohol really isn’t the be all and end all that some make out to be. It doesn’t make you a more fun person for drinking it and neither does it make you over anxious for not.

So OP, maybe ask yourself why you’re so defensive about it. If you’re comfortable with your decision then crack on!

It is the normalisation of being drunk. I think it’s a perfectly reasonable question to ask whether you really need that drink when evidence out there shows how damaging alcohol is.

If you think it’s okay to drink 6 cans of cider while looking after a 12 month old baby as well as two other children you have a serious problem with alcohol and you should seek help.
I hope your kids are alright.

Stop twisting it.

They said a few not getting drunk.

Aren't you drunk after a few?

The op was suggesting more than 6 ciders.