Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

I would never drink to excess in front of my kids, because I don’t want to normalize it. OP is a good example of why not.

Excessive alcohol consumption is totally uncool to me. 6 cans of hard cider in a night is excessive.

If it’s not acceptable for a teacher/nanny/nursery worker to be drunk and looking after children then it’s not acceptable for their parent to do it either.

Thinking about your child’s safety and comfort should not be a ‘tiny consideration’ it should be your main priority. If you can’t put your children’s needs ahead of your drinking you have a serious problem and need to get help, for their sake. Don’t pass on your dysfunction on to them like your own parents did.

The safety of her children, clearly.

Exactly surprising immaturity for someone who has three children

Children need to feel that their carers are in full control, attachment disorders start when children see their parents starting to lose control. This means the child's development starts down a different route of protective emotional isolation which can leave them struggling to form normal relationships for the rest of their lives. This is a very serious impairment that impacts massively on their long term well being in many ways. Drunken behaviour is one type of loss of control that may potentially cause such damage when witnessed by a child

I am just contributing to the overall discussion, not particularly addressing the OP, who appears to be defensive about drinking to the extent they feel that jeering and scorning sensible behaviour is a rational response

Depends on your alcohol tolerance really doesn’t it? I can’t do more than two glasses of wine these days, but I’d happily have a glass once DS is in bed (and have done since he was born). I wouldn’t get pissed, but I don’t really get pissed anyway these days, I’m too old.

We live in central London and don’t have a car, so driving isn’t really a consideration.

Those options are less sad than the other, which is that OP is in denial about her serious problem with alcohol.

how children can be scarred for life if their parents are a bit fun and silly,

@DuffLite

If, after 6 cans of cider, you're 'a bit fun and silly' your tolerance is unusually high for a non-problem drinker.

In summary:

• OP asks a question to settle a debate
• some people agree, some disagree with OPs view
• OP doesn’t like disagreement
• OP says those who disagree are wrong and have mental health conditions
• not surprised OP having ‘debate’ at home if they belittle those who disagree

Sorry but if there are kids involved one parent stays alcohol free. In an emergency we would need to drive as we live very rural and sickness and accidents do happen day or night. I would also never have even one glass if I was out and driving home.

And in all my years of parenting, this scenario has never happened once.

I've regularly had to do a run to ooh doc / A&E with one or other of mine. At one point I felt like they knew me

Bottle of wine or equivalent? Probably wouldn't drink much more just in the house anyway. Kids are 10 and 12.Though if we had people over it could be more.
In the event of an emergency, we'd taxi to the hospital or call an ambulance.
It's never happened.
When they were little didn't drink much as there were too many broken nights or super early mornings! unless DW was around to deal with it.

@Maireas

”the least you can do”?! Lol

I've been to a and e with my kids, never when I've been drinking, the two have never coincided, i guess statistically the chances are quite low

@DuffLite

Wow. Becoming a mother isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a life ruiner/life ender.

If you think that not drinking alcohol means your life is ruined then I think you've got an unhealthy relationship with booze.

Why are you asking about others drinking limit's Has someone already questioned yours?

Rather than finding excuses to drink, maybe it's time to examine your dependency on alcohol to change the way you feel about yourself? Can you imagine enjoying yourself with a glass of fizzy water in your hand?

I grew up with a parent who was an alcoholic and I wouldn't wish that on any child. You can kid yourself you're not harming anyone but I beg to differ.

That's fine for you. But I'm a lone parent and I certainly wasn't going to give up drinking for 18 years. I don't have a car anyway.

My DC is about to turn 15 and hasn't been to A&E ever in his life. I'm 33 and I've only been once.

I'd never get drunk around my DC but I do have a couple of drinks. In a medical emergency I'd call an ambulance, but I'd have to do that anyway because I don't own a car.

I don't think there's a fixed limit because it depends on the individual's experience with alcohol. I wouldn't worry about having a bottle of wine for instance, but someone else might be unable to mind the kids with half that.

I think the best advice is not to test your limits when looking after them. Test your limits when you're free and not when you've got a job to do.

Millions of families are single parent only so that's simply not possible.

It’s been interesting reading through these replies, I think parenting in general has become more anxious and serious.

I recall my parents getting absolutely lashed socially and we thought it was hilarious. There’s a few occasions that I’ll look back to in mirth occasionally. But then I think a child growing up in the seventies or eighties probably had a bit more resilience and independence than children do now.

My kids also don’t care at all, so we’ll have a few at times, but then we’re not angry or weepy drinkers, and people frequently say they’re quite impressed by how little I change after drinking. So probably is to do with how well you metabolise alcohol I guess. It’d be a different story if either of us starting lamping the other.

Also read an article recently about the push away from alcohol, again probably reflecting in these replies. Apparently the younger generations are far less likely to drink.

It's simply not possible to stay alcohol free if you're a single parent? What? Are the cider fairies going to come and force it down your throat?

(I'm not arguing that parents shouldn't drink anything by the way, just that there should be one parent who is not "pretty pissed". But that comment is ridiculous.)

My kids are 16 and 18, so as much as I want 😜In reality a glass or two of wine these days though, and sometimes now they join me 😊

But when they were babies/toddlers I'd only drink more than about a glass if there was someone nearby I could count on in an emergency (so not often - not a SP, just workaholic DH).

I did have a couple of dashes to A+E (2 boys!) so it was necessary just in case - I didn't want my decision making skills in any way impacted.

When they were a bit older - from about age 7/8 - maybe two glasses.

If I wanted to drink more (usually when I went out), I'd get a babysitter! Not sure I would want to get noticeably tipsy in front of my kids anyway. But everyone's different/makes their own choices so I wouldn't judge anyone else for their choices.

@DoggyDwelling

what if a mums going out for the evening?
and needs to do a quicker bedtime routine as she’s meeting her mates in a bar at 8pm or whatever? Should she engage in long lullabies and stories and songs just cos that’s what she does every night? Nah! In the real world, mums do a mix of both