Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

@Devoutspoken and @Beezknees, it's great that you've never had to deal with a serious medical emergency while drinking (or otherwise), and I hope it stays that way. But your method (? for want of a better word?) relies on you being lucky every single time. You only have to be unlucky once for the shit to hit the fan.

Also, it isn't just about being able to drive to the hospital. It's about being of sound mind to properly assess a situation, decide what actions to take, and then carry them out calmly and confidently.

For example, could you successfully take and read a temperature, give the correct medication dose, clean and dress a wound, clean up vomit and remake beds, remember to check on them regularly if taken ill, etc.

At the more dramatic end of the scale could you get your kids out of a burning house, see to a choking child, take a pulse, accurately explain their condition to 111, decide when it's time to throw in the towel and call an ambulance, arrange for someone to care for any other kids while you go to hospital, etc.

Obviously I know full well these scenarios are unlikely! It's up to each person to decide what their own limits are and assess the risk. But for me, I'd rather stop at say 2 glasses of wine and know I could do all of those things if I needed to.

@DoggyDwelling

or equally you have one night where the bedtime routine is tweaked a bit so you can go out

why make it so hard for yourself??

Some parents get drunk with their children at home but it's not great you don't get to enjoy your drink as you will feel guilty the next day. Life changes so much after children, the old you is forever gone. The sooner you accept this and embrace motherhood the better it is for everyone

What a load of sanctimommy bollocks. Please don't speak for everyone, cos you don't.

No the post I replied to said one of the parents (out of two) should stay alcohol free.

My point was for millions of households there is only one parent so its not possible for one to drink and one not.

Whilst I'm not advocating being drunk in charge of children neither do I think it is fair or practical to expect single mums to not drink for many years.

Personally given the weight of responsibilty they carry they are more in need of a glass or two than most lol.

I didn't drink at all when I had my kids for years.

This winter especially I felt like I was on first name terms with the kids a and e receptionist

I disagree, organise childcare if drinking. If you can't organise childcare you can't drink. Is it fair? Probably not but there are a lot of things I can't do while in charge of children and drinking is just 1 of them and pretty far down the list of ones that have a big impact

My DS is almost 15 now so he can take care of himself in those scenarios. Although I always did have an alcohol limit, I'd never have got seriously drunk around him.

@DuffLite, your username is Homer Simpson's favourite beer, which is presented in the show as a cheap, strong sort of beer and which Homer drinks like water, and you're getting pissed off at US for making assumptions about drinking habits?

What do people do at Christmas when the extended family are around, drink lemonade?

My eldest is 7 and I’ve had her there once. The only reason I took her is because the teacher continually told me about her “sore ankle”, so I took them to stop them asking. They barely looked at her tbh, and it definitely wasn’t an “emergency” - we don’t have separate minor injuries, or that number would be zero.

Yes, exactly that. All of the adults we had round were drinking, but I needed to drive my MIL home too since she's disables. Luckily I am capable of enjoying myself without alcohol.

So all the people here who said it's not on to drink (much) in the scenario you gave, are wrong. You are the only one who's right. Then why ask here? In case people sided with you? But not happy to hear the majority didn't. You sound like a nightmare of a person to try and have a balanced conversation with.

Why are you asking people if you already have your mind set on one answer?

I had a couple of drinks, may be 4 across the whole day. I wouldn't have driven but I was perfectly capable of making appropriate decisions. But no one was drunk, not other people or me.

Fancy lemonade. Alcohol free cider. Ditto alcohol free gin. Schloer. Soda water and lime.

For example, could you successfully take and read a temperature, give the correct medication dose, clean and dress a wound, clean up vomit and remake beds, remember to check on them regularly if taken ill, etc.

At the more dramatic end of the scale could you get your kids out of a burning house, see to a choking child, take a pulse, accurately explain their condition to 111, decide when it's time to throw in the towel and call an ambulance, arrange for someone to care for any other kids while you go to hospital, etc.

To be honest I’d have to be pretty wasted to have problems doing any of those things. I wouldn’t drive if I’d had even a single glass of wine, but I could do everything else after a night out, yes. Not pass-out drunk, but I don’t think anyone is advocating that.

I think people are talking about two different things here - is it ok to allow even a sip of alcohol to pass your lips whilst in charge of children - yes probably. Is it ok to be falling down drunk, slurring your words and throwing up in the toy box? Nope, both because you can’t make safe decisions, and your children will find it scary if they witness it.

I don’t think most adults get that drunk on a regular basis though - I certainly don’t, and the only people I know who do are actual alcoholics.

I would worry about a single parent drinking alone - surely drinking is something that happens sociably, with other adults, one of whom can remain sober and alert for the children.

If a school child came into school and reported a single parent getting drunk alone, that would surely be a safeguarding referral.

I am a single parent, I have never had alcohol while alone in the house with children - and can have a perfectly happy, relaxed fun evening on my own without it - music, book, hobby, tv, etc.

I would never have even thought about alcohol, I would not have been able to afford it for one thing, and its just not important in my life.

I dont know what happens if someone who is a habitual drinker, and cant relax without it becomes a single parent.

Everything is unfair on single parents, I don't disagree with that. However, as a single parent if I'm the only person there I know that I need my wits about me, so drinking on the job is a terrible idea and, rightfully, a safeguarding issue it beyond a safe limit (which I would consider vaguely the drink drive limit for anyone in sole custody of children, especially young children or those with additional needs)

I wouldn't be happy if the babysitter was half sloshed

Yes clearly - just in case they have to drive!!

Such rubbish. What about people who can’t drive/don’t have a car. Are they irresponsible parents?

I have a 14 year old, never once have I had to drive him to hospital. Or has there been any emergency in the night. Now I didn’t get roaring drunk every night but by some peoples standards on here I should have stayed sober for 14 years ‘just in case’ how ridiculous.

I dont know what happens if someone who is a habitual drinker, and cant relax without it becomes a single parent.

From what I've seen, they carry on drinking. None of my single parent friends have ever been in a situation where they couldn't get their child to hospital because they'd been drinking. I think that if this is someone's only reason to not have a drink, they probably are suffering from some sort of anxiety.

Nobody said “drinking alone” - maybe their friends came over in the evening for a movie and a bottle of wine. Then went home, leaving the single parent alone with their children, slightly tipsy.

And if you would make a safeguarding referral over that, or Mummy having a glass of wine in the bath once the kids are in bed, you need to get a grip, honestly.