Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

Im notvsure id be up for drinking in the daytime but if children in bed of an evening i would. I wouldn't allow myself a maximum amount as such, I'd just go by how I felt. If we had friends round I'd likely drink more but I wouldn't get drunk. I'd be over the limit for driving though.
I think you can be a bit tipsy and still he able to react well enough to deal with childcare etc. If I was paying someone to do this I'd expect no alcohol whatsoever.

Pearl clutcher land brilliant!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wow. Becoming a mother isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a life ruiner/life ender.

This comment struck me. I don't feel like my life is ruined or in any way less happy because I no longer can/want to drink at home whilst responsible for my kids. I'm sorry if you do feel that way I guess? 🤷‍♀️

I agree, @BubziOwl .
Having children is a blessing and a privilege. The least you can do when in charge of small children, including a baby, is to stay sober.
If that makes me a pearl clutcher, then a pearl clutcher I be.

Also I think the conversation about whether or not it upsets young kids to see their parents/adults drunk is an important one.

It certainly can be upsetting for them, I think - my husband didn't touch a drop of alcohol until his twenties because he just couldn't stand the idea of being drunk. None of his family drink an unusual amount, but they did it enough in front of him that it upset him and made him fearful of being drunk.

On the other hand, my mother has always been a very enthusiastic enjoyer of wine, and I truly don't think that did or has affected me in any negative way.

So clearly it depends on the child - but I think it's silly to totally rule out the idea that it might upset them.

I find it weird that people are so blasé about drinking when in charge of small children. Obviously it's not a good idea to drink when you're responsible for someone else's safety or when you need to take care of someone else. How is that even up for debate?

I can also echo PPs experiences - my mum and other adults often drank at family gatherings / parties when I was young. I hated it, it made me feel unsafe (although to my knowledge nothing bad ever happened) and I suspect it's a big part of why I rarely drink myself as an adult.

Never ceases to amaze me how many people on here overthink think deeply about tiny little considerations

An adult needs to be able to respond safely to a 1 year old or other young child if they need something , not just be able manage an emergency. Need to work out how you'd get help if you are over the limit . I don't think that's undue anxiety. I would say 1 glass for me.

Which considerations do you feel are tiny?

At the age your dc are I would have one max.if any.
but your post is quite goady and I am not sure it's not a hoax post.

From the top of my head there’s been discussions over a huge disaster happening out of the blue and needing to drive to A&E, discussions about how children can be scarred for life if their parents are a bit fun and silly, discussions over the importance of milk and lullabies, discussions about kids hanging themselves in blinds etc etc etc

Complete neurosis

Oh you poor sweet summer child. Your parents did a number on you didn’t they.

How is thinking about how to get my disabled child to hospital at all times not responsible? How is that a bad thing?

My children feeling safe, being safe and being put to bed in a reliable, consistent way is not a ‘tiny’ thing as far as I’m concerned. If your partner thinks 6 is the limit how much are you actually drinking OP?

Until the children were older, I would suggest that one parent/adult in the same house as the children should stay under the drink drive limit or at least sober enough to ensure the children's safety.

Having been married to an alcoholic, on special occassions, I may have drank too much myself but always made sure there was somebody else in the house at the time (live-in nanny or au pair for example). I learnt never to leave my DC alone with the ex. If it was just us, I always stayed sober as exDH was liable to do something stupid. In my experience, drunk people are more likely to cause fires, leave external doors open, or even decide to take the children out in the car.

I think the op is just here to stir up posters and get some attention. Or else completely narcissistic. I wouldn’t bother giving her any more attention imo

I didn’t really drink when my kids were young unless they were not in my care for the night. Both my kids didn’t sleep well til school age, often wanted me in the night and I wouldn’t have liked feeling drunk or not with it whilst comforting them in the night. My partner was the same. We didn’t feel we were missing out, we still went out with friends, had lots of holidays. days and nights out. No anxiety, just had young kids to look after that wanted picking up, carrying, cuddling.

You're right. There's no notion of considered views, just goading.

So safety, health, happiness?

By the way, huge disasters do tend to happen out of the blue; that's usually the nature of emergencies. They don't schedule themselves in for a night when you're free.

I'm really glad for you and your kids that you haven't had any so far, but I'm sure a fair few people on this thread (including me) will have had to deal with these incidents in the middle of the night. It does happen, and while the likelihood is indeed small, the impact (if not handled correctly) can be devastating. For me, that isn't a tiny consideration.

I agree. Or this is the time of evening she starts drinking. Nobody likes an argumentative drunk.

“Never ceases to amaze me how many people on here overthink think deeply about tiny little considerations“

Oh please. You came on here asking for opinions. People respond and get into discussions but because the overwhelming majority haven’t congratulated you on being drunk when looking after 3 small children, you are being obnoxious and saying they’re overthinking. OP why not write a fictional thread on your phone and you can compose all the agreeable replies yourself. What a waste of time bothering with you.

Hmm, if I'm the sole adult in charge of a 1 yr old, no I don't have a drink.

If I want to have a 'proper' drink I'd arrange childcare, or ensure my husband was in charge. That's not anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorder would be panicking the child would die if I had a glass of wine, not feeling a sober adult should be incharge of babies and toddlers.

The view of needing to drink while in charge of pre school aged children is bizarre to me, who needs a drink that much unless they have a problem?

You're annoyed at being limited to 6 cans of cider? You're an alcoholic and should seek help

OP you say re your parents drinking “no harm done”. I’m afraid I disagree.

You’re not being a responsible parent by drinking this much when caring for your children. There, I said it.

Letting children that age see you properly drunk every week? That’s really bad parenting.

It's really sad that alcohol consumes this much of your time, op. It sounds like when you're not drinking it you're thinking about drinking as much of of it as possible.