Settle a household debate - having a drink and being in charge of kids

[DuffLite]

How much would you say is fine to drink if you were “in charge” of your kids on say a Saturday night. All already fed and nobody needing to go out so no requirement to cook etc - everyone just chilling out for the evening, doing their own thing

I think some of it is that most people will hold back from drinking if their child has been off colour and it's very unusual for an illness to happen very suddenly overnight. Not saying it never does but I don't think it's common

@Devoutspoken

Most posters on this thread said they also drink but it's about how much they drink and why. I think it's been interesting to read the different factors at play in this.

My parents were always drinking at the weekends, me and the siblings loved it because they would let us stay up late and have treats etc 😂 I don't think there is anything wrong with having a few at home as long as you are still confident that you can look after the kids. I would just be extra cautious as the youngest are still very young and accidents can happen when you're not as alert as you would be usually.

OP is clearly on the windup however as somebody who grew up with an alcoholic mother who's main priority was to open a bottle of wine as soon as the clock struck 6pm I can say it does and will affect your children. I remember covering my mum with blankets after she was comatose on the sofa come 10pm, a good few hours after I was "put" to bed as I'd lay there worrying about her, even at age 4, 5, 6 I knew she was incapable of looking after me once she'd had a drink.

Thankfully, because of this, I rarely drink and my child will never have to worry about me in that way.

Of course they don't strictly need any of it but yes, I wash (not necessarily in a bath, but I didn't say bath) my kids every day, and we have a bedtime routine that yes includes stories and songs. Obviously everyone will do it differently and you may disagree on the importance of that routine, and that's fine.

But my point was more that the OP was seeming to suggest that as long as she's capable of putting them in their bed then it's fine - and that seems, to me, to ignore any consideration of how that gets done or whether it's a pleasant experience for her children.

Note that her argument was that she should be able to have more than her partner's limit of 6 cans of cider, and she was asking specifically about doing this while the kids "do their own thing." I am speaking as someone who grew up in a house with a lot of drinking going on and I'm not at all convinced that the kids are fine and unaffected. But as I said, I might be misinterpreting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

When my DC were young like yours then one of us wouldn't drink at all. I liked one person to be fully compus mentis to look after the DC if they needed us. No issue with other parents choosing to do what they want though, just not for me.

I find your discussion with your partner strange though, I don't understand the stopping at 6 drinks, which I think is a lot anyway. Surely once you've had 6 it doesn't really matter. It sounds like binge drinking to me which is not good for anyone.

People who say 'only as much as would allow me to drive' are nuts - essentially that means you or your partner can never be over the limit at the same time ever.

I guess everyone's different, but if I had six cans of cider, I'd not only be completely drunk, I wouldn't be able to look after anyone because I'd have to spend pretty much the entire night weeing. But maybe that's from having 3 kids 😂

One thing I figured out early in my career, in an industry where there were lots of dinners and meetings that involved expensive wine, is how quickly people lose inhibitions after a couple of drinks, even in professional setting. I never drink with colleagues (except socially with those who have become friends) or with clients. I'll hold a glass, or let them pour me one, but don't drink it.

Alone with the kids, when they were little, I never drank. I guess I did worry about being sharp in an emergency, but really mostly because I wouldn't have managed the chaos of getting 3 kids out the door and myself to work, not to mention dealing with any middle of the night wakings.

How is it “nuts” just because it differs to your opinion?

Other might think it’s “nuts” to be over a drink driving limit when responsible for a baby (which a one year old is)

It's my kids that make me drink.....😁😁

Absolutely nothing.

I would never allow my children to be solely in the care of anyone who drank. There should always be a sober parent/guardian.

Need to be able to make decisions still...

I have a 2.5 year old and only ever have half a lager in front of him if we are out for a meal and I really fancy it. My partner doesn't drink so ots not an issue. The main issue for me is that kids are a buzz kill. Who wants to be seeing to them/doing bed times when under the influence lol

I don't want my young son seeing me drunk and I don't feel comfortable being drunk in front of him.

Only you know your limits, but you shouldn't be drunk, alone with your children

Sorry it's the sun, but it does have quite a helpful guide that says what would be criminal, what would be social services, what would be normal drinking, etc.

It says that it's seen as more serious with DC under 7 so I would say that no, you don't need to drink a small amount forever, but with DC under 7 it's probably a good idea to stick to vaguely the drink drive limit.

You don't have to stay below it yourself if somebody else there (an adult) does. But I would want to make sure that person was suitable, so eg. A relative or friend who is a responsible adult, or a registered childcare provider.

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/3992628/law-drinking-alcohol-around-children/amp/

A) There are people saying as much for children considerably older.

B) Yup, still think it's nuts paranoid. Sue me.

Couple of glasses is fine.

There would be a lot of enforced teatotallers amongst single mothers lol

Under 6's I would want to remain sober enough to drive so perhaps I drink. For 7-12 I would allow myself a second drink, after 13 I let my hair down more

The elephant in the room on this thread…..

A “household debate” about whether you’re drinking too much, from your concerned partner means that you likely have a problem.

But if you’re not ready to acknowledge that. let’s just pretend that everyone who drinks is COOL and those who don’t are ANXIOUS.

Let’s ignore the majority of the middle ground on this thread who drink, but don’t binge drink and leave their one year olds to “do their own thing”.

Feels ridiculous to me to be in a situation where I couldn't drive me own child to hospital when there's a car parked outside on the drive. Not health anxiety, just sensible.

Yes. And the problem with that is what exactly?

@DuffLite I think the extent of your relationship with alcohol is evident when you think that not being able to drink is a "life ruiner".

The needing hospital argument isn't valid really as lots of people can't drive so would need a lift/taxi to take a child to hospital.

It's actually an excellent point why parents with young children shouldn't drink. Small children have immature immune systems, making them easier to get sick. Whether a parent drives or not, it's not the issue. A parent needs to be fully functioning without being influenced by alcohol or drugs to make decisions affecting their well-being of their child.

A glass of wine with food is fine. A whole bottle is not. If you want to drink without responsibility of any kind, don't have children.

I can’t exactly go back in time and unhave children

No, but you can reflect and see that your parents were selfish, neglectful and incapable of appropriate behaviour and that you followed suit.

One of them as young as 1? I probably wouldn't have more than 2 drinks but I'm not a big drinker anyway. I think I'd relax more when they are older but at 1 I think someone should be reasonably sober. Parents could take it in turns perhaps?