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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AWBU blended family drama

238 replies

Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 08:46

So myself and my partner thought it would be nice to take our older kids away (without the younger ones)
On an all expenses paid holiday.
So we can go out have a laugh etc without having to be in early for the lil ones.

They agreed they'd love to go so we did our research and booked Marbella .

To our shock we've been told the location is chavvy and we're shit parents because we didn't ask where they wanted to go.

But we genuinely thought we'd taken all their own personal needs into consideration and got a great deal!

It's cost us £4000 (all inclusive) and they are saying they're not coming!

My partner is so upset because we were so excited and looking forward to having some quality time with the older kids but have been met with utter discontent :(

They are 20, 20, 18

Have we fucked up here or are they acting like spoilt brats?

OP posts:
Flapjackquack · 16/01/2023 10:35

Why do people put kisses at the end of forum posts? Odd.

CornishGem1975 · 16/01/2023 10:35

@Butchyrestingface We get it. You don't the emoji (or emoticon) use. Can we move on?!

Wdib78 · 16/01/2023 10:36

A holiday is what you make if it, I've stayed in some shit hotels but didn't let it ruin the holiday.
They're ungrateful brats, I'd be cancelling their's or asking friends to come instead.
No way I'd have got away with talking to my parents like that.

nighttimereader · 16/01/2023 10:36

They are entitled and ungrateful.

I would have been over the moon if my parents would have been able to afford to give us a surprise like this at that age.

The location may not be the best (not my ideal), but I don't understand why adults can not get over it and just such it for their parents. They might have a different idea of what is a good holiday (out partying with friends) but this is about spending time as a family, not the destination. Something that in my opinion an empathetic, loving and respectful adult should be able to understand.

Katyrosebug · 16/01/2023 10:37

If my parents booked me a holiday, all inclusive at that age, I've be bloody chuffed! I'd be grateful enough that I was going on holiday as well. I bet nearer the time they'll want to go. Your too nice op, I hope they all apologise to you as well

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/01/2023 10:38

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/01/2023 09:01

Brats. Ungrateful brats. Especially at their age.

Take them off the booking and swap the younger kids in.

This. With no further discussion.

Get your DH to message and say, "sorry chosen destination wasn't to your taste but is non refundable. Have swapped your tickets for X & Y to go in your place"

Ireolu · 16/01/2023 10:39

I'm 39 yrs old and if a parent booked me an all expense covered holiday (anywhere UK included) I would be immensely grateful. They r being bratty.

rogueone · 16/01/2023 10:39

chavvy? Marbella is lovely and the old town is beautiful. Your not far from puerto banus and you can get a train along to malaga. They clearly have been on tik tok or other social media platfrom and without educating themselves of the location have based their opinion on nonsense. Go on your own

rainbowstardrops · 16/01/2023 10:40

I think you and your partner were trying to do a nice thing for them and they're being incredibly bratty about it.
I wouldn't cancel. I'd still go with your partner and your DS and calmly say to them they need to decide if they want to come or not because if they don't, you need to invite someone else. End of.

Inabind · 16/01/2023 10:40

If somebody booked a holiday for me as a surprise I would be absolutely thrilled! Even more so if it was all expences paid!
But everyone is different, however if they don't want to go I would expect a modicum of politeness in the refusal, not telling you they don't want to go because it's "chavvy". That seems very disrespectful to me and my feelings would have been hurt if I were you OP.

My father booked myself and my brother on a holiday to Nova Scotia once because he wanted to do something nice for his adult children. I would never have chosen to go there myself and there was hardly anything to do but what a lovely gesture from him. We went and had a great time! (And there were no nice sandy beaches or hot weather, or nightclubs e.t.c like Marbella, you just make the best of it right?) There is no chance on earth I would have said to him I didn't want to go. It made him happy and gave us special memories, which are even more precious now my dad is no longer with us!

LindaEllen · 16/01/2023 10:42

If they have genuinely called you 'shit parents', then that's obviously bang out of order.

However, they are adults. As an adult, you surely wouldn't expect to have to put up and shut up about where you go on holiday, so why should they? If you're going away as a group of adults you should sit down together and work out pros and cons of each destination, and then agree on one.

Just because you're paying doesn't mean they have to fall at your feet in appreciation if they don't want to go.

Toddlingturtle · 16/01/2023 10:42

OP there is nothing wrong with Marbella. There are lots of lovely well kept resorts, it's a big place to go and play golf so nice golf resorts and the town is nice and there are some lovely places nearby such as estepona. Yes Puerto Banus is a bit flash but honestly, people on here are acting like you're taking them to a slum. You've booked them a lovely holiday in a perfectly nice place. Perhaps you should have discussed the place with them but you've done nothing wrong with location.

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 10:42

Brats.

Velvetween · 16/01/2023 10:44

rogueone · 16/01/2023 10:39

chavvy? Marbella is lovely and the old town is beautiful. Your not far from puerto banus and you can get a train along to malaga. They clearly have been on tik tok or other social media platfrom and without educating themselves of the location have based their opinion on nonsense. Go on your own

This!!

I know the area well and there is a lot of culture to be found in and within easy reach of Marbella if you can be arsed to get off your phone and look for it.

CornishGem1975 · 16/01/2023 10:44

Toddlingturtle · 16/01/2023 10:42

OP there is nothing wrong with Marbella. There are lots of lovely well kept resorts, it's a big place to go and play golf so nice golf resorts and the town is nice and there are some lovely places nearby such as estepona. Yes Puerto Banus is a bit flash but honestly, people on here are acting like you're taking them to a slum. You've booked them a lovely holiday in a perfectly nice place. Perhaps you should have discussed the place with them but you've done nothing wrong with location.

Agreed. If OP had said 'Benidorm'...but actually there are some gorgeous resorts and restaurants in Marbella. She's hardly suggested a week in sodding Blackpool.

Aprilx · 16/01/2023 10:44

Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 10:10

Does no one see the aspect of us trying to be nice and give the kids a treat?

I'm shocked by how many people think a surprise is somehow weird and controlling!? 🙈

So if you were surprised with a nice gift/weekend away or item would you say that's weird and controlling?

We consulted dates and Spain
Just not EXACT location

I would not appreciate a surprise trip away no. I would be disappointed I wasn’t consulted.

PayMoreAttention · 16/01/2023 10:45

Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 10:10

Does no one see the aspect of us trying to be nice and give the kids a treat?

I'm shocked by how many people think a surprise is somehow weird and controlling!? 🙈

So if you were surprised with a nice gift/weekend away or item would you say that's weird and controlling?

We consulted dates and Spain
Just not EXACT location

There are a lot of jealous people on this website. Theyre probably the sort to go into debt over Christmas because they were stupid enough to ask their children what they wanted Santa to bring instead of using their imagination or getting to know their own children and buying something off their own steam.

What you planned was lovely, the children don't appreciate it but that's not on you.

Don't punish your son because of the others. Can you take him somewhere on his own or with the younger ones?

whumpthereitis · 16/01/2023 10:47

there’s a difference between planning a holiday together, and being told you’re going on holiday to a destination you have zero interest in going to. Yes you’re paying, but they don’t want to go to Marbella. As kind as it is of you to pay, it doesn’t make it an attractive destination for them.

Some basic discussion about the holiday would have prevented this. They’re adults, it’s reasonable for them to have a say.

ReneBumsWombats · 16/01/2023 10:47

Even if they're not happy with the location, that seems an extreme reaction. What's the background to this? Because there clearly is one...

Jimboscott0115 · 16/01/2023 10:47

They're Brats and should be grateful for having a holiday, but...

I don't think you can be surprised about the destination not going down well - I do agree that Marbella wouldn't be a favoured destination for loads of people and wouldn't personally go there. If you think about it, if they've taken time off work for a family holiday and then find that a good chunk of their leave has been used to go somewhere they aren't keen on - I can see how they'd be slightly miffed.

BUT I would expect the kids to grow up and make the most of the actual holiday because the location is secondary to the actual hotel, food and company. You can get a shit hotel in an amazing destination and it'd have more of an impact on the holiday as a whole than going to a non preferred destination.

Original poster
Shawaddywaddeee · 16/01/2023 10:49

Thank you for those who can see that this was only meant to be a positive

We've Def learnt a lesson and are going to sit down with all the kids and try to come to a decision everyone happy with ❤️

(Sorry for the offensive emoji)

OP posts:
CandleCandleCandle · 16/01/2023 10:50

I got the same reaction from people when I went on a family holiday to Ibiza, people that had never been there. Well they missed out on going to a beautiful island.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/01/2023 10:52

All-inclusives on the costa del sol do have a reputation but I'd still happily go and it seems unthinkable to throw it back in someone's face after they're paying.

Toddlingturtle · 16/01/2023 10:52

To add, DP goes there for a couple of long weekends every year with his friends to play golf. The always stay on lovely resorts, visit some pretty towns, eat fabulous and cheap food and wine. He's about as far from "chavvy" as you can get.

ArcticSkewer · 16/01/2023 10:53

Toddlingturtle · 16/01/2023 10:42

OP there is nothing wrong with Marbella. There are lots of lovely well kept resorts, it's a big place to go and play golf so nice golf resorts and the town is nice and there are some lovely places nearby such as estepona. Yes Puerto Banus is a bit flash but honestly, people on here are acting like you're taking them to a slum. You've booked them a lovely holiday in a perfectly nice place. Perhaps you should have discussed the place with them but you've done nothing wrong with location.

nothing says great holiday destination like 'nice golf resorts' .... pmsl ....

There are just different opinions around what a good holiday destination looks like! Mine definitely does not ever include the words 'golf resort'