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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say my partners nephews annoys me

199 replies

GirlMamaxo · 16/01/2023 00:17

Before I start this, I just want to state I know this is a child.

My partners 2 year old nephew really really annoys me, slightly angers me. So we've recently moved to be closer to family. My little girl, who is 8 months old has been has to my friends babies around her, or just adults around her. All gentle playing and just nice surroundings. Now we've moved closer she sees her cousins a lot more which she isn't use to. They are all older, apart from one who is 9 days older than my little girl. There is a 3 year old and a 2 year old. The 2 year old is a boy. Now I'll get into the why he annoys me.

First occasion my little girl was in her jumper and I was watching her, he went over and ragged my little girls hands from what she was holding onto. I said be gentle and I just kept watching, he did it again so I removed my little girl to hold her away.

Second occasion, she was playing with her toy. He comes right in her face and again rags her hands off the toy. Again have to remove my little girl away.

Third occasion, Christmas Day. I was changing her and he came over to her so I kept close eye. I then put her on the floor so I could bag up the nappy, he was so close to pushing her over before he was stopped by his parents who told me "just don't trust him around her" he then comes over a few moments later when she's on my partners lap, cuddles her, then looks me dead in the eye and pinched the back of her neck. To which she screams.

Fourth occasion, I went to the retail park with my sister in law (his mum) and she offered to drive. So my daughter is in the car seat by the window, he is in his car seat in the middle and the baby same age as my little girl is next to the other window. Firstly soon as I strap her in his shoving his hand in her mouth, which I said "don't do that she has teeth she'll bite you" so we start driving and I can see him corner of my eye trying to touch her. I look round to try and speak to him to distract him. We get onto the motorway my sister in law chatting away. I then hear my little girl scream (which she never screams, happiest little soul) so I turn, he's again ragging her arms and shaking her car seat. Only so much I can lean from the front seat to the back to comfort her, she's screaming still. Still on the motorway and my sister in law is telling him stop. I get her out and her face is bright red from screaming, I comfort her before putting her in the pram. Once I've put her in her pram her eye is just streaming with water, so take a closer look and he's poked her in the eye good and proper. Hence the scream. Her eye was bloodshot. I was furious in all honesty.

When I say how I feel about this I get the "oh he's only 2" which I get completely. But it's like he guns for my little girl soon as he sees her. He's in her face, grabbing her arms, squeezing her hands. And it's got to the point now where he just comes near her and she'll cry and it breaks my heart because all she wants to do is sit and play nicely but I have to keep removing her before he seriously hurts her.

I really don't know if I'm being dramatic and I feel awful feeling this way towards a 2 year old child, but he really really infuriates me

OP posts:
YourPositionInTheQueueIs10292 · 16/01/2023 10:51

and this horrid child

You're talking about a 2 year old! 2 years of age and he's been labelled the 'horrid child' because his parents aren't dealing appropriately with his behaviour. Have you heard yourself?

People are gross on here sometimes.

YourPositionInTheQueueIs10292 · 16/01/2023 10:52

Hopefully one day OP doesn't have to experience others calling her child 'that horrid girl' or anything else that's been said on here about a 2 year old boy.

StarsSand · 16/01/2023 10:53

I think people often don't realise what they are forfeiting when they accept a freebie from family.

Thesonglastslonger · 16/01/2023 10:53

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YourPositionInTheQueueIs10292 · 16/01/2023 10:55

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Jesus Christ 🤣🤣 are you the same sort of person who says things like 'its not normal for babies to keep their parents up at night because mine slept through from 6 weeks'.

It is normal. It literally is, it's well documented that this is normal.

How you deal with it as a parent it's what's important.

A 2 year old cannot be a sadistic bully. Are you okay?!

gemloving · 16/01/2023 10:55

@Thesonglastslonger wow. Just wow. You should be banned from this forum.

YourPositionInTheQueueIs10292 · 16/01/2023 10:56

gemloving · 16/01/2023 10:55

@Thesonglastslonger wow. Just wow. You should be banned from this forum.

Absolutely. It's disgusting.

SerialFaffer · 16/01/2023 10:57

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“I don’t know if it’s bad genes…” 😬

It’s bad parenting. Definitely bad parenting.

“I would not allow him to be in a car with my child” ding, ding, ding! Bingo! You’ve got this bit right at least.

Original poster
GirlMamaxo · 16/01/2023 10:59

MinnieGirl · 16/01/2023 10:49

I think one of the problems is that living in your MiLs home, you can’t keep your SiL away. I would seriously think about looking for somewhere to rent, and tell everyone why. This child may be only 2 but he is deliberately targeting your daughter and it’s only a matter of time before he really hurts her. And SiL sounds like a waste of space regarding her precious boy….
Its really hard in close families but he sounds like a bit of a pampered prince, and he knows that he’s going to get away with it.
I hope you are not planning to leave your daughter with MiL and this horrid child when you go back to work?

Oh god no, my little girl will be with her dad. I'm going back 2 days a week so she'll be with me and then when I'm in work she'll be with her dad. My sister in law did offer, she said "what's one more baby into the mix" a bloody a&e trip is what

OP posts:
Ell95 · 16/01/2023 11:00

This kind of infuriates me a little bit. Children at age 2 absolutely understand what they are doing. I work in a nursery full of 2 and 3 year olds, and children can be unkind but they understand right from wrong and absolutely know when they are being mean and pushing boundaries. That child's parents should put something in place for that child when he decides to act like that, such as 'naughty step, time outs' he should be taught that actions have consequences and it does start from young and them using the excuse 'he's only 2' is not only justifying the bad behaviour but it's making that child feel like he can act however he likes because there will always be an excuse. If they won't put him straight, you put him straight - his family or not- your child is your child and no one else should feel the right to constantly put your hands on your child whether they are a child or not- I would understand if this child was the same age as your child but he's 2!! And smirking on the top of the slide after punching/kicking another child in the head- what's that all about? Issues much. It STARTS FROM YOUNG. That child will be a complete terror and it'll only get worse if it is continued as excuses for his behaviour are clearly allowed by you partners family. I would keep him well away.

Original poster
GirlMamaxo · 16/01/2023 11:02

People have gone so far on this thread. It's actually insane. We live in a world where god forbid you have an opinion or voice your feelings. You're either dramatic, over reacting or think you're a perfect human. Christ, others really need to step back

OP posts:
YourPositionInTheQueueIs10292 · 16/01/2023 11:04

Surely there is a difference between using the "excuse" that he's only 2 and doing nothing to combat the behaviour which I don't think anyone is suggesting and saying he's only 2 in the sense that this doesn't mean he's just a "horrid child" and his parents should be helping to teach him more appropriate behaviour.

MinnieGirl · 16/01/2023 11:04

GirlMamaxo · 16/01/2023 10:59

Oh god no, my little girl will be with her dad. I'm going back 2 days a week so she'll be with me and then when I'm in work she'll be with her dad. My sister in law did offer, she said "what's one more baby into the mix" a bloody a&e trip is what

Show quote history

Thank goodness for that!

Original poster
GirlMamaxo · 16/01/2023 11:07

@MinnieGirl my mother in law will suggest the same, so I'll just combat that when she's back from Spain. She can of course be with my mother in law, with the other cousins for sure. But you just needed constant one on one with the 2 year old and I don't think that's fair on everyone else

OP posts:
MinnieGirl · 16/01/2023 11:08

Ell95 · 16/01/2023 11:00

This kind of infuriates me a little bit. Children at age 2 absolutely understand what they are doing. I work in a nursery full of 2 and 3 year olds, and children can be unkind but they understand right from wrong and absolutely know when they are being mean and pushing boundaries. That child's parents should put something in place for that child when he decides to act like that, such as 'naughty step, time outs' he should be taught that actions have consequences and it does start from young and them using the excuse 'he's only 2' is not only justifying the bad behaviour but it's making that child feel like he can act however he likes because there will always be an excuse. If they won't put him straight, you put him straight - his family or not- your child is your child and no one else should feel the right to constantly put your hands on your child whether they are a child or not- I would understand if this child was the same age as your child but he's 2!! And smirking on the top of the slide after punching/kicking another child in the head- what's that all about? Issues much. It STARTS FROM YOUNG. That child will be a complete terror and it'll only get worse if it is continued as excuses for his behaviour are clearly allowed by you partners family. I would keep him well away.

Thank goodness someone on here with a sensible response!
All this nonsense about he’s only 2… he knows exactly what he’s doing! The sad bit is he’s pushing his boundaries for attention and his parents aren’t dealing with it.

Neurotic90 · 16/01/2023 11:10

While you're living with your MIL, that's your home. If someone's won't discipline their child in my home then I'll do it for them. If your SIL doesn't like it then she doesn't need to come to what is currently your home while you're there. There's no way I'd allow my child to be endangered by someone's ineffectual parenting, and I'd be telling her exactly that if she complained, she's leaving her child in a position where he'll end up with no friends because he doesn't have appropriate boundaries.

Brefugee · 16/01/2023 11:10

i don't see why if it's MIL's home SIL just gets to barge in. It is OP and her DH's home.
This is batshit. When MIL is there, and it's ok with MIL, fine. But not when she's not there.

User359472111111 · 16/01/2023 11:10

Butwhytho · 16/01/2023 08:19

I think this is really sound, solid advice. Toddlers are little heathens sometimes, he’ll get through this phase.. and one day, to some extent, your little girl will be in this same phase too.
I would just limit any situation where you can’t be on top of this behaviour, like in the car. You knew she was well within his reach, you knew you couldn’t easily get to either of them and now you know for the future not to do that again. It’s all learning, for everyone involved.

Show quote history

Agree with this. I had the gentlest child at your DD’s age. Got bitten at nursery and I was enraged - how could my gentle child be subjected to such evil? Fortunately I didn’t say anything and kept my head.

Fast forward a couple of years and DC is at exactly this testing boundaries stage, and can be physical. I watch him like a hawk around other kids. It’s a stage. Most kids do go through it.

Your nephew is not evil, you need to get a grip of your feelings, but nor is he safe to be left out of arms reach of your baby so you are right to intervene. If you are close to your SIL and ask for her help in watching them both so you can relax.

User359472111111 · 16/01/2023 11:11

Sorry, just to clarify l, when I say “watching them both” I just mean in the same kind of scenarios you describe, so she is also watching out for trouble!

StarsSand · 16/01/2023 11:13

There is a wide middle ground in between doing nothing about rough behaviour in a two year old and declaring him a horrid, sadistic, annoying bully for life.

Some people on this thread seem incapable of grasping that.

But literally no one has suggested doing nothing OP, or said that it's ok for a baby to get hurt.

OP apparently just wants to vent about a toddler and doesn't actually want to think about the many solutions within her reach. She's arguing with anyone who suggests that she can do something about this.

The clue was in the subject line I suppose.

Adios.

Hadjab · 16/01/2023 11:13

Grimreapers · 16/01/2023 03:52

Good luck when yours turns two.

Literally this!

Eightiesgirl · 16/01/2023 11:15

Keep your daughter away from him and make it clear to his parents why. You have to put her first, not his or their feelings. When I was a baby my brother, similar age difference, was extremely jealous of me. When my mum was feeding me he would go round the back of the settee and throw his toys over at me etc. It was all brushed off as a bit of harmless jealousy but it led to many years of physical abuse from him, all through my childhood. I am now NC with him and have been for years. He should have been stopped when he was little, when it could be stopped and things might have turned out differently.

zmq3Zm96uijcs2c · 16/01/2023 11:16

My son is two, this behaviour would not be tolerated from him. He knows to use gentle hands. He would be removed from the situation if he was doing one of these things, let alone all of them. He doesn’t get to hurt other people.
If another child was doing this sort of stuff to him, that would also not be tolerated. We would not spend time with a child that was allowed to behave like this.

Original poster
GirlMamaxo · 16/01/2023 11:17

@Brefugee I'm purely putting it down to the fact they do it when she's here so maybe they are just in habit of doing it? Which I've now stopped. I've locked the door so she's messaged me now for the first time before coming over. Again I'm new to the family as I'm being with them in living reach now so learning their habits. She really does depend on our mother in law soon as she's fresh off the plane from Spain

OP posts:
kirinm · 16/01/2023 11:17

Ell95 · 16/01/2023 11:00

This kind of infuriates me a little bit. Children at age 2 absolutely understand what they are doing. I work in a nursery full of 2 and 3 year olds, and children can be unkind but they understand right from wrong and absolutely know when they are being mean and pushing boundaries. That child's parents should put something in place for that child when he decides to act like that, such as 'naughty step, time outs' he should be taught that actions have consequences and it does start from young and them using the excuse 'he's only 2' is not only justifying the bad behaviour but it's making that child feel like he can act however he likes because there will always be an excuse. If they won't put him straight, you put him straight - his family or not- your child is your child and no one else should feel the right to constantly put your hands on your child whether they are a child or not- I would understand if this child was the same age as your child but he's 2!! And smirking on the top of the slide after punching/kicking another child in the head- what's that all about? Issues much. It STARTS FROM YOUNG. That child will be a complete terror and it'll only get worse if it is continued as excuses for his behaviour are clearly allowed by you partners family. I would keep him well away.

I don't believe you work in a nursery.