Do people realise there's more housework if you're a SAHP?

[CantPreventSpring]

Just that. I'm not denying the difficulty of juggling work and home responsibilities, but I often see people on here say stuff like "I manage AND hold down a job, so how can you possibly be struggling?"

Being at home all day with small children creates mess. You can get odd things done, but you can't properly clean your house with toddlers and babies around. Especially if they're terrible nappers. I have to clean when the kids are asleep, the same as working parents, and everything is messier than it would be if nobody was home all day.

Now I'm also doing paid work after kids' bedtime the only possible option is having a cleaner. There's literally not time otherwise.

I'm not complaining about my lot in general. I think there's a lot that's harder about juggling nursery runs, commutes, appointments, kids sick days and so on if you are out of the house, but this particular point really bugs me.

I can see that although my two do a good job of causing chaos either side of my working day so I end up working all day then tidying kids mess when they are in bed!
I have huge respect for SAHPs as I couldn’t do it day in day out but I do find my day at home with my youngest far more chilled than my working days!

Agree. My DC are older now, but when the older two were younger I worked 4 days a week, then stopped work, so I saw it from both sides.

Imo there’s not massively more housework because you’re home more.

There is the making/ cleanup of lunch and say 2 snacks and a few more toys but young children of toddler age will still pull all their toys out in the morning before nursery too and that needs to be tidied up.

Anything else, bedding, laundry, cooking the other meals, general hoovering etc is the exact same over the course of the week really.

Apart from a bit more tidying up of toys, what else is there that creates more housework?

I do think some people forget that being in the home creates a lot of work and mess. The days my child was in nursery were so clean and tidy compared to the home days.

I also think some people forget there are lots of different working patterns so many working mums are at home with their Children making mess.

I used to be annoyed because when mine were toddlers they seemed to make an extortionate amount of mess in the hour or two between getting home from nursery and going to bed! In general though, yes you will have more stuff to tidy during the day if you are home with small children. Not so much with school age children of course.

The other chores are the same though- laundry, cleaning kitchen and bathroom, shopping and cooling, admin. Hard to do those with small children under your feet but when I worked part-time I found I could do laundry, dinner etc with the DC there, whereas on work days I couldn't do anything until the evening.

I work 3.5 days... Tbh I don't find that there's a huge amount more housework on the days I'm at home with the kids other than dishes from lunch and a few toys.
And I find I can get bits and pieces done during the day like laundry/hoovering etc that I can't when I'm out at work.

You can get odd things done, but you can't properly clean your house with toddlers and babies around

The difference is when you’re out of the home and at work, you can’t even get odd things done. Like try putting a load of laundry on when you’re a hours drive away in a lab! So working parents do the proper cleans + the odd things on the weekends. On balance, SAHPs do not have more work imho. 🤷‍♀️

My DC manage to create a massive amount of mess between 5pm and 7pm, which I have to tidy up at 9 or 10pm every night or it would be a neverending mess every day after work, when I already am rushing to get dinner on, play with DC and get homework done for eldest.

When I was on mat leave I tidied as I went and everything was always put in its proper place. Cleaning was done during nap time or at weekends. So personally I don't think there's more work for SAHP, there's a similar amount of work and more time to do it

This wasn’t the case for me, I didn’t need to wait till my kid was sleeping to clean. She was ok in front of a screen occasionally or playing alone or chatting to me whilst I cleaned.

Mine make a mess of things when they eat even if I do keep it confined to the dining table, especially the one year old. We've been having a run of potty mishaps with the three year old recently, I think she might have a tummy bug causing it. Itty bits of play dough every fucking where under the table. Craft stuff. Sometimes random incidents like someone manages to open a packet of rice while I'm at the loo or something. I take them outside a lot so there's muddy stuff to deal with. Wellies to be hosed down, Puddlesuit to be rinsed out before going in the wash.

Just (afaik) normal baby/toddler/preschooler stuff, but a full week of it.

I've been FT/ PT/ SAHM. The more people (especially young children) in the house, the more mess is generatated.

When I worked FT with young children, I wasn't changing nappies at work, toys weren't being pulled out, and only dinner was cooked at home as the DCs were provided with breakfast and lunch there. Yes, I remained their mother and no less a parent, but the grunt work of parenting chores was delegated to the nursery from 8-5.55 which significantly cut down on the toll taken on the house.

WFM is probably an awkward one as you're in the house creating chores, but not avaliable to deal with them.

This.

I mean other than toys or activities you choose to do like painting what ‘more’ is there? Snacks and lunches still get prepped and those things cleaned at night/made up for next day so no different to doing it at home. Children still pull out toys in the morning whether they have nursery/childminder/school.

They're both jobs, I hate these kind of comparisons, some jobs will be harder than looking after kids, some kids will be harder than going to work

Yes, it's the same WFH. You cook more, mess up rooms by using them, and add in work stuff.

Having a toddler is x10 that!

My point isn't that it's harder than working out of the home. It's that everyone saying some version of "I manage the housework AND work full time, so how can you lazy bitches be drowning" isn't comparing like with like.

My friends have been telling me how much easier they are finding working. I'm so tired, I can't imagine having to parent and have a job (unless maybe it was a job that required no thinking). Although, you get a mental break which is probably the biggie, plus if childcare provides meals that's less meals to make (and mess to clean up). Not sure if I'm ready to take the plunge and go back to work just yet though, I still think it would be harder overall. Especially when your children are sick

No, people don't realise that because there isn't.

There may be more kids mess ie toys strewn over the floor. That isn't housework though, and I used to make sure one lot of toys were tidied up before the next lot came out.

I WFH and it doesn't create more mess other than the odd extra cup or plate. Hardly "housework".

There's a bit more general tidying and washing up but everything else is the same: shopping, laundry, house admin, cooking, making beds, cleaning the toilet.

So, overall, I disagree.

Possibly my lack of standards are showing but I never found it hard. By the time the kids were 2, they got roped into helping because if they could tidy up at toddler groups...they could do it at home! Being out a lot helped as well. Both mine dropped naps by 13 months and dc2 would only nap on me anyway prior to that but I could still do everything that didn't involve heavy chemical use with her in a sling.

I don't think being a sahm is lazy! But I don't necessarily think it's "more housework". You mention being able to get those odd things done here and there - that's exactly the type of thing you can't get done when you're working out of the home. So popping on a load of laundry, spending 15 mins putting dishes away, hoovering, getting dinner ready... Those are exactly the kind of things you can do during the day when at home with kids (or at least I can, I know everyone's different) - when I'm at work I can't, and it gets done before or after work.

Maybe I do more messy stuff with my kids than some of you? I don't really know how you keep them entertained a full day without going to the park in all weathers, getting the play dough out and so on. I'm not above using screens but that wouldn't work with my younger one.

Why are SAHP so insecure? OP’s tone is so defensive and odd. You always get these threads accusing working parents of calling SAHP names. In reality, I’ve never seen or heard any working parent do this. The lady doth protest too much.

I’m a sahm now. Yes, I agree there is more housework now but it’s so much easier than when working with a child.

I mean I’ve never seen a single person say that, but I do agree with the sentiment at least that “drowning in housework” is not the default of a SAHP. It’s quite extreme imo, so maybe you have particularly difficult kids, or
you just get overwhelmed more easily than others or you aren’t organised at small tasks.
Being at home with a baby and a toddler probably creates about 20% more ‘housework’ but you have about 60% more waking hours available than someone who works full time.

It sounds like reading SAHP/working parent posts cause too much anxiety for you and just cause negative feelings so probably better to just avoid them.