Do people realise there's more housework if you're a SAHP?

[CantPreventSpring]

Just that. I'm not denying the difficulty of juggling work and home responsibilities, but I often see people on here say stuff like "I manage AND hold down a job, so how can you possibly be struggling?"

Being at home all day with small children creates mess. You can get odd things done, but you can't properly clean your house with toddlers and babies around. Especially if they're terrible nappers. I have to clean when the kids are asleep, the same as working parents, and everything is messier than it would be if nobody was home all day.

Now I'm also doing paid work after kids' bedtime the only possible option is having a cleaner. There's literally not time otherwise.

I'm not complaining about my lot in general. I think there's a lot that's harder about juggling nursery runs, commutes, appointments, kids sick days and so on if you are out of the house, but this particular point really bugs me.

Indeed! And I would expect them to be doing some of what seems to be classed as housework. Absolutely yes, I would expect a nursery worker to wipe down the table and sweep the floor after the children have eaten their lunch. And I would expect them to clean the floor if children had toilet accidents as well. Cleaning up after small children is part and parcel of childcare, whether you are at home with one or two or paid to look after 3 or more.

Did you work full time with the 2 year olds though?
Because coming home in the evening as a childless couple is totally different to coming home from work and still having the morning mess causes by young children, and then the evening news.

@Babyclb Agree. I have a toddler and stepchildren and teenage children, and me and my DH work full-time. We have to leave at 8am so morning carnage gets left behind and when I get home at 6pm I start cleaning it up, while making dinner, doing any laundry, emptying dishwasher etc.

I've also been a SAHM with two toddlers and there's no comparison. I had so much time to spare and keeping clean and tidying was not hard work, you just did it as you went along.

Totally agree and I'm a working parent. Everything house wise is 100 per cent harder to keep on top off at the weekend when they're both around all day. I admire anyone who can do it. I can't. 4 days work, 3 days at home is a good balance for me

Now I'm also doing paid work after kids' bedtime the only possible option is having a cleaner. There's literally not time otherwise.

YABU just for this sentence. 'the only possible option is having a cleaner'.

I have read precisely zero comments, but here's my nugget. Before kids I worked with kids. High staff ratios. When they all went to school (respite care) we would tidy up the morning's mess, but we had laundry and cleaning staff, and a cook. We'd do office stuff (logs, reports, med checks, calls to parents, healthcare, social workers, all the stuff that happens in childcare) and then we'd hand over to the next set of staff, and in my case I'd have a bus ride home to decompress and then do home stuff. Shift work, not 9-5, but full time, at least. When I had a kid I would have a break when my husband got home by going and washing the dishes uninterrupted. One kid. No family, no childcare. It never stops. That's the hardest part, the fact that there is no delineation. No handover. Nothing.

@Northernlass13 do you have a partner that is working all day? Presumably they are coming home to a spotless house after all the cleaning you have done and therefore after having an easy day at work you could hand all household and child related tasks to them and then get a rest yourself?

They are both very hard jobs, having done both (demanding job and SAHP).
Working was much easier/more rewarding for me (plus all the work dinners/perks) but it gave me serious anxiety as well. SAHP is just a nonstop exhausting slog.

Yes of course I realise. Being at work is easier. And less boring

Work is more rewarding, but I don't feel I have less housework because I work.

I’ve been a SAHP when my oldest was a baby/toddler and also a working parent as I went back to work when my youngest was 1.

Being a SAHP was challenging for various reasons but personally, I find it much harder being out of the house all day and still having to do all the life admin and domestic chores that come with life and kids.

Once they are school age, there’s no comparison as having 6 hours a day to do all the home/life stuff rather than having to squeeze it into non working hours just IS easier.

I think the house is messier when little kids are at home. Trying to get small jobs done when they're home was like trying to sort paperwork next to a fan. From a few months old, my first wouldn't nap in the day - slept through the night mostly though, so swings and roundabouts. It wasn't just a few extra toys and an extra meal to prepare though. It's the constant trying to keep on top of it and falling behind day by day. Every little task just takes much longer, especially with more than one child - and every task needs to be done whilst supervising small kids. Mobilising with two small kids to get out of house also just takes time, along with the packing/unpacking for all eventualities.

I could put the tv on and go to make something for lunch, but toys would be pulled out at the same time as watching tv. I could let them help me hang a wash - it took eons of time. I could change a nappy and the older one could use the toilet, so I can mop the toilet floor when I finished changing nappy. I could feed refluxy baby who projectile vomited and clean that up. I could try to load dishwasher to save time later, but scraping porridge off walls or whatever would make that time saving abortive.

There does seem to be an expectation that house should be cleaner if someone is home, but I found that despite doing substantially less cleaning/tidying once mat leave had finished, house was cleaner/tidier when I worked as they were mostly in nursery.

My experience of being a SAHM was that a lot of what I did wasn't easily "quantifiable" so it may have looked like I wasn't doing all that much! When I was working my arse off.

You wouldn't come in to a sparkling clean house but on any given evening I'd have done at least 2 lots of washing up, one load of laundry, taken the kids out and all that entailed, prepped dinner (probably shopped for it to). I'd have done two meals - all prepped and cleared up after etc. Plus all the other unseen jobs - nappies, change of clothes, keeping the older kids entertained, activities (youngest DC is disabled so was tube fed and that took time, plus all her appointments / physio) various combinations of nursery and school runs as the other kids got older. All the life admin that comes with 3 DCthere is so much paperwork for disabled kids that was a job in itself

So yes for me there was lots of unseen"work" as SAHM but I don't know if it actually more?

I work PT now so for x3 days per week I don't do pick ups and I don't give the kids dinner on those evenings (and obviously they have got older so nappies. changing clothes etc is null and void) but I still do almost everything else I did when I was SAHM. Older kids also come with their own demands too - homework / clubs / school uniform.

Fuck me I am bloody amazing!!!

Short answer: I was so busy doing all the unseen / difficult to quantify jobs that I couldn't always get round to hoovering the whole house or mopping every floor or cleaning the oven. Despite me seemingly having the time to do it, I didn't have the time to do it.

Now I work my house is a total shit-hole

Houses with people in them also get messier than empty houses.

My 3-year-old is at nursery and my 1-year-old has been napping in the cot for 45 mins which she NEVER does. I've managed to get loads done. If every day was like this it would be different.

Good for you OP! That's a win!