Do people realise there's more housework if you're a SAHP?

[CantPreventSpring]

Just that. I'm not denying the difficulty of juggling work and home responsibilities, but I often see people on here say stuff like "I manage AND hold down a job, so how can you possibly be struggling?"

Being at home all day with small children creates mess. You can get odd things done, but you can't properly clean your house with toddlers and babies around. Especially if they're terrible nappers. I have to clean when the kids are asleep, the same as working parents, and everything is messier than it would be if nobody was home all day.

Now I'm also doing paid work after kids' bedtime the only possible option is having a cleaner. There's literally not time otherwise.

I'm not complaining about my lot in general. I think there's a lot that's harder about juggling nursery runs, commutes, appointments, kids sick days and so on if you are out of the house, but this particular point really bugs me.

IME more people at home in general (kids or adults) creates more housework.
I'm home with an 8 month old, 3 yo and 6yo. My house is the messiest it has ever been. There's no cleaning as I go at the moment. But 6 months ago when baby was immobile and 2 yo still napped it was much easier to keep things clean.

You’re being ridiculous OP and quite patronising- most of us have had the mat leave, I’m at home with the children on the days I’m not working and my housework burden is no more than usual.

I agree op. Used houses are messier than ones no one has touched all day.

Another aspect is the monotony. Coming home and tidying up is something different (not necessarily easier) but as a sahm it can feel relentless.

I've never been a SAHM, the one thing I hate during school holidays (if DH is working) is the never ending cycle of cook, eat, clean, it always feels like I'm forever cleaning the kitchen and unloading the dishwasher. It would actually drive me insane if that was my life everyday. Think I'd start using paper plates and making them eat outside

@Krustykrabpizza not in my home. I'm a working parent and mine aren't fed at home during the week except Friday, Saturday & Sunday. My house is messier on the days my kids are at home which makes total sense. Not sure how this doesn't make sense to people. How can the house be as clean when you have no kids at home or if you have kids at home.

Most people seem to be missing the fact they OP isn’t saying her life is harder. She’s just saying she has more cleaning to do…

Only applicable for sahm with pre school dc that do not go to any nursery or pre-school, once dc go to nursery ir school it is no longer the case.

I get your point. I’ve been a SAHM, FT working Mum and now currently PT working Mum. When you’re at home all day with DC the house does naturally get messier than it would if no one was at home, that’s just a given. They always seem to create mess in one area while you’re cleaning another and it never really ends.

Op I think you and those who have their children while they wfh have it hardest as you’re doing full days of childcare and a paid job.

This

And... some days will be neither this nor that. Some days I'm knackered, some days are a breeze and that goes for both working and sahp. Why this constant justifying of time, choices and effort by mothers defies me.

Have only scanned the thread.

First of all, 3 and 1 is fucking hard, it nearly broke me and that was with five days nursery for both of them. I absolutely would not have coped as a SAHP. I'm finding 4 and 2 a good bit easier if that's any comfort.

A friend's young DC are cared for at home by a nanny. I remember friend telling me how late they'd be up cleaning the floors every night and thinking she was mad - she does have form for perfectionism. Well, 19 days of isolation as covid worked its way through the house, and yup the floors were being mopped every night!

Personally, I find that with the DC home there's more housework but more time to do it. These days everything bar mopping can be achieved with them around, albeit sometimes cbeebies helps. Fully appreciate you may not be there yet with the ages of your DC. As they get older, remember it's ok to tell them to amuse themselves while you finish putting the laundry away or whatever - you're the parent, not Head Of Entertainment.

I've found the easiest to be WFH with the DC out of the house. So easy to keep on top of the laundry!

I’ve done working FT, being a SAHP (during mat leave and also to an extent during the summer as I’m a teacher) and currently work PT. My house doesn’t actually get that messy when I’m at home tbh - we don’t really stay at home though, we do playgroups, trips to the park, we go out to the shops, we go out for coffees and so on.

on days I’m working, I end up having to leave the house a mess as we all need to be out the door for 7:30am, and it’s not possible to get two kids ready, fed, lunches made, dog walked, bags packed, and myself ready unless I let the kids play while I do things (I walk the dog before my partner leaves at 6:30)

When we are off, I don’t leave til 8:30, and I don’t need to put so much effort into my appearance, so I can pick things up as we go. I can also take the dog with me on the school run, then drop her home and then go off out to do nice things with the baby. Potter around until it’s time to pick my daughter up from school.

I find being a SAHP far, far easier. If I’m tired, I can just chill in the house in my jammies playing with the baby, which is far easier than a full on day at work, where I have to be in someone else’s schedule.

It massively depends on the age of the children. A baby and a toddler - yes, not so much more housework but more need to entertain them / set up activities/ tidy up after activities. But a preschooler and a school kid - are you kidding me??

Op I think you and those who have their children while they wfh have it hardest as you’re doing full days of childcare and a paid job.

No one should be doing that outside of the pandemic.

I have only been a stay at home parent whilst on mat leave but I found managing a household easier. Might be the ages that my children are but we’re out the house at 7.30 (PPA if anyone wondering why a teacher is on MN and procrastinating!) back at 5 and then it’s off to different clubs. Weekends are full of fixtures so housework has to fit around that. Want to swap?

Yes, it's probably a bit more cleaning but in reality, it doesn't need to take up a lot more time. Just do it once a day! When I am home with my toddler that's what I do. Toys get tidied away at bedtime, washing up etc gets piled up or put in the dishwasher and sorted after dinner. There's no need to be constantly going around tidying.

Truth is, people don’t care. People are jealous, and judgemental, and deep down they think anything that happens in your home must be fun, but even when they suspect that you’re actual working quite hard, they want you to validate their decisions and admit that their life choices are superior to yours. They want you to be jealous of them.

They wouldn’t expect a nursery teacher to do housework and cooking, while changing baby nappies doing toddler emotional coaching and joyously singing the alphabet, but what we hear is “Must be nice not working, do you go to pilates and stuff?”

The op is with the children during the day and working in the evening.
Many people do that.

To be fair, a nursery teacher has more than one or two children to care for.

Personally, I think if you're able bodied and a SAHM to a single child, you have it easy. I have a disability, have a 20 month old and run a business from home and it is tough at times. Especially balancing housework on top of his groups and the business.

DC also cleans up after himself which helps massively. He puts his toys away, puts rubbish in the bin, puts his shoes and coat away after we've been out, puts his washing in the laundry basket and he will wipe down his tray when he's finished his meal.

I have 2 two years olds and I’m on a career break as the nursery fees are crazy….
I can say with confidence that’s it’s so much harder…I spend my days constantly cleaning (especially because I’m potty training them both too)
it’s much easier to go to work and come home to a clean house! Lol x

A lot here depends on your own standards too. Whether I was working or not I certainly didn't go around constantly cleaning and hoovering. Laundry was only ever done twice a week absolutely maximum. I do think there's an element of some people constantly feeling their home needs to look like a Taylor wimpey show house or in some cases they have a partner who does and makes comments (I've been there many years ago) - I did notice OP apart from a bit of childcare if working in an evening you haven't mentioned your husband/partners contribution to domesticity. ? I've worked with young children and also did the SAHM bit for short periods.it's not a competition but I think the SAHM was more relentless and tedious but easier in many ways as anything can be done in your own time to a large extent. You aren't dancing to someone else's tune

I'm the worst camp- my DH works from home so constant plates, cups, general being in the house dishevelled carnage ( he does put a wash on and tries to make dinner in fairness) I work full time in an office so I'm leaving at 8:15 - 6:00 and still have to arrange all the lunches, school admin, general life tasks, cleaning ( DH doesn't realise the shower/ bathroom/ kitchen actually need's cleaned, not just the surfaces) so it is tough juggling everything and I wish I could say it's not as easy being at home all day looking after young children, but I'd go back to those days i a heart beat.

Exactly, compacting being a SAHM to a nursery teacher 😂 behave yourself.
it’s like saying have one kids off school with chicken pox is the same as a nurse working in paediatric A&E. No it isn’t 😆

Did you work full time with the 2 year olds though?
Because coming home in the evening as a childless couple is totally different to coming home from work and still having the morning mess causes by young children, and then the evening news.